


As Soon As He Can

by Trex_patronus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (Her name is Jessica), Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Baby Harry, Betrayal, Black Brothers Reunion, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Child Neglect, Dark Magic, Ethics, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Ghost Regulus Black, Girls don't want boys girls want Black brothers reunion, Horcrux Hunting, Horcruxes, House Elves, I forgot to give the Potter's their cat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Feels, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), More angst, Naming Seer jokes, No beta we die like Regs, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Peter Pettigrew being a rat, Protective Siblings, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Dies, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black Needs a Hug, Regulus Black-centric, Regulus is a cute nerd, Sibling Banter, Sibling Love, Siblings fighting, Sirius Black Has Issues, Sirius Black's Flying Motorbike, Tags May Change, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, The Prophecy - Freeform, The Sacred Twenty-Eight (Harry Potter), These two are trying their best, Walburga Black Bashing, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, War, Werewolf Discrimination, as well as flashbacks, fun with in-universe expletives, mother hen james potter, suicide ideation, suicide mission, too bad he's a ghost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 50,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trex_patronus/pseuds/Trex_patronus
Summary: For someone who planned on dying, Regulus Black hadn't given much thought to what would come after.  For him, it's becoming a ghost, and hunting horcruxes with his idiot brother and company.  Yay.
Relationships: Harry Potter & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders & Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Black Family, Regulus Black & Kreacher, Regulus Black & Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Black Family, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Potter Family, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 95
Kudos: 240





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my ghost!Regulus fic! The plan is to update Mondays, but that is subject to change (sorry!).
> 
> Disclaimer: The world and characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I own nothing. I'm simply writing for my own (and hopefully your) enjoyment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the main character dies in the prologue...
> 
> woops¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for past/flashback child abuse and neglect. I also want to say that there are a few moments in this chapter, as well as ones to come, of suicide ideation. Reg thinks that his life is insignificant, or that he has been a bad person and deserves to die, but these things are untrue (both of the character, and of all of you). If you ever feel like this, please talk to someone, there is no shame in seeking help.
> 
> I am fairly new to this, so please let me know if there are tags I left out that you would like me to add, especially if there is something that may be a trigger, and comment any feedback.
> 
> Enjoy!

December 28, 1979  
11:15 P.M. The Cave

**Regulus Black** was losing his mind. The Black Family madness had finally come for him. He knew, on some level, that he was in a cave with his house-elf, Kreacher, and that they had an important job to do. But his mind was back in Grimmauld Place, and all he could hear was Mother and Sirius screaming over each other. If he thought about it, he would have realized he was sitting on the wet stone, hugging his knees with his back against the basin that held….something important. (Why couldn't he remember?) However, in the moment, all that he saw was his childhood bedroom. Empty of the newspaper clippings he'd plastered his walls with. The clippings that disgusted him now. This was his bedroom as it had been when he was fifteen. Something important had happened when he was fifteen. What was it? The screaming wouldn't stop. He tried covering his ears, but the screaming was inside his head. Something occurred to him. 

_You could scream back. Who's gonna notice? Mother won't notice you if Sirius is around. Sirius hasn't noticed you since James Potter came into the picture. And Father's gone now._

This all seemed very logical to Regulus, and he really did want to scream. Everything hurt from that potion Kreacher had given him, and he'd wanted to scream back at the both of them for years. So Regulus screamed. Nothing intelligible, just a long scream that he'd been dying to let out for who knows how long. And no one in that house heard him. He smiled at that. _You don't have to be the perfect son if they can't hear you._ So Regulus kept screaming.

"SHUT UP!" He had found within him the courage to speak-or rather, to scream-his mind, and he felt near-invincible. "JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE! NOBODY CARES! _NOBODY_ IN THIS GOD-FORSAKEN HOUSE EVEN _CARES!_ " He had done it. He had stood up to his mother. He wasn't sure if it counted, given this seemed to be a memory of sorts, and she couldn't hear him. But he still felt a rush of strength. He'd done it. He'd finally told Walburga Black to shut her horrid mouth for once, and it gave him an odd sort of adrenaline. _This must be what it feels like to be Sirius._

"Master Regulus!" Who was that? Oh, Kreacher. "Is Master Regulus okay? Kreacher is getting more of the potion, and Kreacher hears Master Regulus screaming."

"I'm-" his voice was hoarse, and he didn't have the energy to be surprised by it. "I'm fine, Kreacher." The elf had brought him back to reality, but only for a moment. He remembered that he had to keep drinking this potion (Why though?), and that his arm hurt. There was a cut on it, right over the Dark Mark. He remembered making the cut, and he knew it was for a reason. He'd done it to...to...to get into the cave. That was it. And he needed to drink the potion to take the Dark Lord's horcrux. He felt a little better now that he remembered everything, but knew this moment of stability wouldn't last.

He drank from the goblet, and the memory returned. His brother's voice was louder. Were they still brother's? They had to be...right?

"That's it! I'm leaving! No one in this house even cares about me! And guess what? I don't care about any of you! I’m not your puppet, Mother. I’m not _Regulus_." Regulus could feel the impact of those words in his stomach. He remembered feeling that way the first time this happened too. _Well,_ He thought with a smirk, as he remembered where he was, and what he was doing, _let's see you call me a puppet now, Sirius._

The other thing was...Regulus did care for Sirius. Sure, they hadn't had a great relationship ever since Regulus was sorted into Slytherin, but they were brothers. Maybe. He tried to remember if Sirius still liked him when he was fifteen. He couldn't help but think it was a bit of a double standard, Sirius hadn't much cared that their cousin, Andromeda, was in Slytherin. The two of them had always been close, the way he himself had been with Cissa. Of course, she had been Andromeda, and Regulus had been himself. So there was that to take into account.

But Sirius had always looked out for him at school, and made sure other kids didn't pick on him (A right which was apparently reserved for Sirius himself). He'd even congratulated him when he won his first quidditch game.

He heard Sirius' feet running up the stairs. Then his bedroom door slammed. _So dramatic. He gets it from mother._ Regulus always thought he was the calmer brother, but his recent screaming fit did little to support that notion. Regulus stayed where he was, he knew what came next, and he didn’t think he was ready to relive it. But the version of him in the memory walked towards his door and opened it. Sirius stormed past him, trunk in hand. _The fact that he had his trunk packed already…_

"Is this what you wanted? You're the heir now. Regulus Black, the perfect pureblood son. I hope you're happy." Sirius spat out the words at him. As if everything was Regulus' fault. _And maybe it was._ He mused. It was interesting what three more years of life had done to his perspective.

"Sirius, I-" But Sirius cut him off. _Not that it mattered, as I had no idea what to say._

"Don't. Just don't, Reg. I can’t stay here, but I…" He seemed to want to say something, but then thought better off it. "I'll see you on the Express."

And then Sirius was walking downstairs. And Regulus was screaming again. He wouldn't let it happen again. Not like it did when he was fifteen.

"Sirius, wait! Please, please, just wait! I'll come with you this time, please, Siri! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, Sirius, please don't leave me with them!" He watched the front hall as his brother walked out the door. "No! No, Sirius, come back! Please, you have to!"

"Master Regulus! Master Regulus!" At the sound of Kreacher's voice, he snapped out of it. It was just a memory. He'd never get a second chance at that night. And screaming into a near-empty cave wouldn't change that. He began to sob. He didn't know what he was crying for. Everything and nothing, it seemed. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried. Probably after his big fight with Sirius. 

His mother's voice rang in his head. _"Blacks don't cry."_ He wanted to scream at her that it was all her fault he was crying in the first place. But he didn't think his voice could take anymore screaming. And really, it was all his own fault. He could blame his heritage, or his mother all he wanted. But _he_ was the one that took the mark.

Kreacher placed a small hand on Regulus' shoulder. The elf had a rather comforting presence. Kreacher had always been there for him. He genuinely cared about Regulus, unlike Father, who needed an heir, or Mother who seemed to have something to prove after her first born...turned out how he did. The only ones in that house who cared about Regulus had been Kreacher and Sirius. And Kreacher hadn't stopped caring. He gently patted his shoulder, and made soft shushing noises until Regulus stopped crying. "Kreacher knows. Kreacher knows. Kreacher was having to drink the potion too, and the Dark Lord was forcing him to drink it all very fast. It made Kreacher see things, but now Kreacher knows they were not real. It is okay, Master Regulus."

But it had been real. That was exactly the problem. It had really happened all those years ago. If only it'd been a bit _more_ real. Real enough for him to change it. Real enough that Sirius would've heard him, and came back, and pulled him into a hug like he used to, before Regulus screwed everything up.

Kreacher handed him the goblet with the potion. "This is the last one, Master Regulus." Finally. It was almost over. He downed the potion as quickly as he could. It burnt even more, and he needed water. That was all he could think about. Water. His eyes scanned the cave for it. Surely there was water somewhere other than the lake? The lake scared him. His eyes fell on Kreacher, and he remembered his mission.

"Kreacher, the locket. You have to...you have to take it, and…" he began coughing from the pain in his throat "...and destroy it. Put...put this" he fished a smaller locket out of his robe. "In the...in there. And then leave. Get out of here."

"Yes, Master Regulus." The elf's voice shook a little as he acknowledged his master. Regulus watched as the elf reached into the basin to swap the lockets. Perhaps it was just his imagination, perhaps Regulus was simply _that_ desperate for someone to miss him, but Kreacher seemed reluctant to leave him there.

"And Kreacher?"

"Yes, Master?"

"Do not--ever--tell the family." His voice sounded firm, harsh even. He didn't like to be harsh with Kreacher, he hadn't meant to. But it'd be too risky if anyone knew.

"Even the blood-traitor?" Regulus thought to correct him, to tell him that Sirius was not a blood-traitor, and that he was the best of all of them. But he didn't have it in him to say all that much.

"Yes, even Sirius." He felt his eyes water but refused to let himself cry. Again.

After Kreacher apparated away, Regulus imagined Sirius finding out what he'd done. Finding out that Regulus' life hadn't been a total waste, that he'd done one good thing, even if he'd been a horrible person for eighteen years. He wasn't imagining his brother being proud, or even forgiving him for all those years. But if Sirius could just know that his brother had changed. That he wasn't Mother's puppet anymore, and he thought for himself. It was a nice idea, but Sirius could never know. He was in enough danger fighting in the Order of the Phoenix. (Why would he risk his life like that? _Because he's not a coward like you_.)

Regulus looked down into the lake. The water was pitch black, as if it had something to hide. And it did. _Inferi._ That was what Kreacher had told him. His heart was beating fast. Regulus thought it was a little late for his self-preservation to kick in. He tried to calm it down, but his brain had started going a mile a minute, trying to comprehend that this really was the end, and no, Regulus wouldn't do anything to stop his own death. He would...what was it Beedle had said? "Embrace death like an old friend?" Well, he wasn't quite there. He was more just...accepting what he knew he deserved.

Now how best to do it. He could just step into the water. Or he could at least try and drink some first, to soothe the burning in his throat. Why not?

He kneeled down on the edge of the stone, cupped his hands, and reached into the water. He pulled his hands out, and before he could take a drink, a wet, slimy hand clasped around his wrist. _Right on time._ He grinned at the thought, the casual nature of it. It was something Sirius would say. His brother was a wonderful idiot, who could joke his way through danger. That was his last coherent thought. After that, his mind was a constant stream of panic, fear, and regret, while he felt the hands, thousands of hands, drag him beneath the water. He kicked, and tried to resist. In a moment of pure panic, he'd completely forgotten this was part of the plan.

And then Regulus Black died. Or he thought he did. He woke up somewhere...white. That was all he could see at first: endless white. He realized the pain in his arm, as well as his throat, was gone. He held up his arm to look at it. There was no cut, but far more surprising, there was no Mark. He examined his arm for a moment, and then he realized he was naked. There was no one around, but he felt rather uncomfortable with this realization. _If only there were some clothes in this...whatever this is._ As soon as he thought it to himself, a dark black robe, much like the one he'd been wearing, appeared hanging from a tree. _When had the tree appeared?_ He made his way over, and pulled the robe on. He inspected the tree. It was familiar, but he couldn't place it. The rest of his surroundings seemed to be slowly filling in as his eyes adjusted to the brightness. There was a hill with another tree, some bushes, a small pond, and several flower beds. The answer struck him suddenly. He was in Grandmother's garden. Did that mean Grandmother was here?

Suddenly a voice, one that was decidedly _not_ his grandmother's, spoke from behind him. "Regulus Black." He whipped his head around, and there was Death. His face covered by his dark hood ( _Did Death even have a face?_ ), and his scythe in hand. He realized he was gaping at the man ( _Man? Person? Thing?_ ) and he promptly shut his mouth. He dismissed the voice of his mother inside his head about etiquette and being proper.

"Hello." It seemed to be a rather anticlimactic thing to say at a time like this, but he didn't exactly have any experience in this situation.

"Hello Regulus. I'm sure you have many questions, feel free to ask." Death was very polite, and rather...straightforward. He'd always supposed Death would be confusing, or talk in riddles, like his former headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Uhm, thank you. Well, I assume I've died…"

"Not yet."

"Oh. But...I'm about to?"

"If you want to." _What does that mean?_ He took it all back, Death was exactly how he was in stories.

Death laughed, deep and full. _Oh Merlin, can he read my thoughts?_ "Excuse me, um, sir, but can you…"

"Yes, I can." Regulus felt his face flush. "Don't worry, you're not the first to think that."

"Right, well then. What exactly do you mean by 'if I want to'?" He realized that probably sounded fairly rude. "...sir." He added lamely. _Mother would have a fit if she saw this._

Death seemed to have the courtesy not to laugh at _every_ stupid thought that came into Regulus' mind though, and he simply answered the question. "Well, the interesting thing is, that you, Regulus, have unfinished business, which means-" 

"I could become a ghost." Regulus finished. _Nice going genius, you interrupted Death. Now you're gonna get yourself reincarnated as a billywig._

__

Death let out a snort, which he badly disguised as a coughing fit. Apparently, Death thought Regulus was an idiot. _That makes two of us._ "Yes, you can become a ghost." 

__

"But going on is braver, nobler. Right?" Regulus had talked to the Baron about it in his third year when Grandmother had died. _Where is she, anyways? This is her garden after all._

__

"Some do say that. Some also say that it would depend on the nature of your business." Regulus had to admit there was logic in that. What was his unfinished business? Destroying the horcrux? It must be. "As far as your grandmother, I assume you mean Melania Black?" 

__

"Yes." Regulus had never been close with his maternal grandmother, but he'd spent so many holidays at Black Manor with his father's parents, Melania and Arcturus. Before her marriage, Melania had been a Macmillan. She had been the only Slytherin in a largely Hufflepuff family, and had always sympathized with Sirius. Regulus had been close to her, too. They would work in her garden together, something that Regulus enjoyed, but couldn't normally take part in because it wasn’t _"befitting of his stature”_ according to Mother and Father. And when they visited the manor, their grandparents would always make sure their parents weren't too hard on him or Sirius, and he'd always felt safe at the Manor. He assumed that was why he saw her garden when he died. Or didn't die. Or whatever it was. 

__

"Melania was planning to come greet you, until we took notice of your unfinished business. Those cases are somewhat rare, so I take them myself. We don't want anyone you knew in Life trying to sway your decision." His decision. He wasn't ready to make a decision yet. 

__

"I'd have thought unfinished business would be a bit more common than that." _He's gonna know you're stalling._

__

"Oh, to some level it is, but it's hardly ever enough to justify returning as a ghost." 

__

"Oh, right. I guess that makes sense." 

__

"And Regulus…take as long as you need. It's an important choice, and time...well, it doesn't exactly work the same here." 

__

"Of course it doesn't." Regulus muttered. Leave it to Regulus Black to get fed up with the afterlife. 

__

A ghost. Huh. It made sense. And it could work, too. He could ask Kreacher to fetch him books, and instruct the elf on how to destroy the locket. He could maybe even...no. 

__

No he couldn't. If the Dark Lord thought Sirius had any idea of what Regulus was trying to do, or how he'd died, Sirius would be killed. No, not killed. They'd turn him over to Bella. _No,_ he decided, _telling Sirius would put him at too much risk._ So why did Regulus still want to? 

__

_Cause you're a selfish jerk who thinks that you somehow deserve love after all the terrible things you've done._

__

_Maybe after all this is over though..._

__

_Yeah, because he'd be so happy to see you again? He's better off with Potter, get that through your thick skull._

__

The voices in his head were at war with each other once again. Or maybe he was at war with the voices? He remembered suddenly that Death could hear all his thoughts, and tried to stop the cacophony in his own mind. He glanced toward Death, and was grateful that the hood covered his face. He didn’t want to see the pitying look on Death’s face. Regulus Black did not need anyone’s pity. 

__

"I'll go back. I- I have a plan." Regulus tried to sound confident. He had no room to be nervous, there were more important things to do. Suddenly, he noticed his body starting to glow, there were dozens of beams of light coming out of it. 

__

"Farewell, Regulus." Death was waving at him. 

__

"Farewell, Death." Regulus replied, because he was a Black, and had been taught manners. And then, because he was a Black, and dramatics was in his blood, he added "I have a Dark Lord to kill." 

__

The beams of light seemed to explode out of him, and there was one last flash before the garden was gone. 

__

He was back under the water, but seemed to be breathing just fine. No wait...he wasn't breathing at all. It seemed he didn't need to. He willed himself to move, and he slowly rose out of the lake. Now he just needed to talk to Kreacher. His mother was still at Grimmauld. He'd have to come up with someplace else to meet with his house-elf. _All in good time._ He thought. And for the first time in ages, Regulus felt hopeful. 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the summaries and tags all say Regulus died. He didn't though? Ghosts in the HP universe are a little confusing, but Nick says he has never died. Basically, Regulus experienced a traumatic and deadly event, but he hasn't officially died, because he didn't go to the afterlife. Everyone refers to him as dead though, including Regulus, because he's not gonna say "I sorta-kinda-not-really died" Even Myrtle says that she died, and Nick has a deathday party, so I think that all ghosts refer to it that way?
> 
> Idk, my dudes, they're an unexplored aspect of this universe, and I hope to look into their powers more in this fic.


	2. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year since our last chapter, and Reg is still hiding from his problems (his problems are named Sirius Orion Black), so have some Marauders!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold=POV switch. We only had one character last chapter, so it didn't matter much then.
> 
> tw for some allusions to child abuse/neglect/bad parenting in general (It is a lot more subtle in this chapter than the last one, and is more focused on the positives of the Potters than the negatives of the Blacks)
> 
> Comment with any feedback!

December, 28 1980  
7:38 P.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **Sirius Black** looked around his best mate’s kitchen at his friends, no, his family. They’d only ever said as much out loud a few times, and usually only when Sirius’ mother was sending particularly nasty letters, but these boys, these men, were his brothers. The word stung for a brief second in his mind. _How would_ he _feel if he heard you say that?_ But Sirius pushed that out of his mind. He wasn’t going to think about _him_ tonight. Besides, _he_ had known how Sirius felt about all that long before he died, long before Sirius left. And he felt the same way.

_“You’re no brother of mine. Not after you left me.”_

Those words didn’t hurt as much as the cold voice that had spoken them, empty of all emotion...no, he wasn’t going to think about it.

But had he really left? Surely not. He’d been kicked out. He hadn’t had a choice in the matter. Unless you could call _that_ a choice, which he didn’t. He had the feeling his mates would have agreed with him, had he told them about his other option. But it wasn’t the sort of thing he wanted to talk about so soon after, and eventually people stopped asking. 

James would say this “wasn’t healthy”. James said that a lot of things weren’t healthy.  
“You should talk to your sister, Evans, that doesn’t sound healthy.”  
“You can’t pull an all-nighter for N.E.W.T.s, Moony, it’s not healthy.”  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Pete, that’s not healthy.”

And that’s all well and good for James, who grew up in the most “healthy” household Sirius had ever seen. But when you grew up with Orion and Walburga Black’s...parenting style, you weren’t all too concerned with healthy habits. Agrippa’s sakes, he’d told himself he wasn’t going to think about it. He needed a firewhiskey. He tried to ignore the James-like voice of reason in his head, telling him for the umpteenth time that that wasn’t healthy, but his rebellion was ambushed by the real James.

“Earth to Padfoot? Cup of tea?” He was wearing a concerned look, the one he usually reserved for when Sirius disappeared into his own head for too long.

“Oh, yeah sure, mate.” He ignored James’ raised eyebrows, because, no, he did not want to talk about it thank you very much. Nine years of friendship will do that to you. James and Sirius could both read the other like an open book. A blessing and a curse. He knew his other friends all very well, but no one quite on the same level as James. He and James just...got each other. It was odd, as they’d all known each other the same length of time. With the exception of Lily, who Sirius had barely talked to prior to fifth year. That is if you exclude the few pleasantries and homework discussions everyone wound up having with their housemates. And if you don’t count that one incident on the first day, which Sirius didn’t, as it hardly counted towards friendship.

He shook himself out of his thoughts yet again. (He could’ve sworn it wasn’t this bad at dinner. But of course, he’d had the conversation to distract him then.) His eyes searched the kitchen, as if looking for some distraction from his thoughts. It was a few days after Christmas, and they’d all gathered at the Potter’s house. James and Lily’s, that is. It still felt odd to think of them as “The Potter’s” maybe because that title would always belong to Fleamont and Euphemia in his mind. Merlin, he missed them.

His other mates (also since first-year) Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were washing and drying the dishes, while James made them all tea, and Lily tended to her and James’ five-month-old son, Harry. He himself had simply plopped himself down at the kitchen table before realizing there were any dishes to be cleaned or work to be done. It was a habit of his that Mum and Dad Potter had somewhat extinguished when he was living with them. He reckoned it came from growing up with a house-elf, even if the house-elf was a nutter.

_“Don’t call him that, Sirius!”_

Ever-loving Merlin above, could he get no peace inside his own head? Fortunately, at that moment, Lily walked in with Harry. Was that concern on her face? He needed friends that didn’t know him so well. Or friends with less-detailed calendars. Honestly, it probably hadn’t even happened on this day last year. It was just a year since they’d heard the news. And it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing that was being published in The Prophet, it could’ve happened weeks earlier. Besides, Lily of all people should understand how he felt about that idiot.

He held out his arms for the child. “Can I hold him, Lils?”

“Of course you can, Sirius.” Lily smiled as she handed him her baby. 

Now, Sirius did not consider himself to be soft by any means. He wasn’t the type to find babies or kittens or what-have-you “cute.” Sirius Black was punk rock, and would duel anyone who claimed otherwise. That being said, his godson, Harry James Potter, was the sole exception to this arbitrary rule which governed Sirius’ life.

“Hey there, Harry.” He cooed. He made sure he was cradling his head like Lily had shown him. “How’s it going, bud?” Of course, Sirius wasn’t expecting an answer, but the concept of baby-talk had never made much sense to him. He hadn’t really encountered any babies before Andy’s daughter, seeing as he was only one when Reg--Merlin, he was everywhere tonight wasn’t he? Perhaps receiving that news a year ago had affected him more than he cared to admit. 

He focused his attention back on Harry. The boy had a lot of hair for only being at five months, but he shouldn’t have expected any less from a Potter. There was a reason Fleamont had gone into the hair-potion industry. It hurt a bit to think of him too… Anyways, the Potter genes had certainly won over in Harry, with one notable exception. He had the bright green eyes of Lily. Just about everyone who saw the baby commented on it. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had, of course, picked up on it immediately. You don’t spend three years listening to your best mate wax-poetic about a certain girl’s “sparkling, emerald green eyes” (James’ words, not his) and come away with nothing.

His mind wandered to the prophecy that they’d all heard about from Dumbledore. It couldn’t be about Harry, could it? He hoped against all hope that it wasn’t. Dumbledore wouldn’t tell them the exact wording of the prophecy, which was infuriating. Even more infuriating was that he wouldn’t explain _why_ he couldn’t tell them. 

Harry let out a small, baby-yawn, which Sirius had to admit was rather adorable. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily smile as well, and then glance at the clock.

“Well, it looks like it’s someone’s bedtime.” She announced to the room.

“Oh you’re right.” James answered. “Well, thanks for stopping by Moony, we’ll be seeing you.”

Sirius smirked, and handed Harry back to his mother. He let out a laugh when he noticed Remus flicking the dish towel at James, who narrowly dodged it.

“Git.” Remus muttered under his breath.

Lily sighed, trying to hide her own amusement. “You boys are never planning on growing up, are you?”

“Why in Godric’s name would we do that, Evans?” James teased, with his signature smirk in place.

Lily quirked an eyebrow “It’s Potter now. I’d think you would have remembered.”

Sirius almost snorted at the look on his best mates face. “Merlin, Prongs are you blushing? You’ve been married to her for a year, how are you still such a dork?”

But before James could tell anyone how he had managed to remain such a dork, the tea kettle whistled, and Harry began crying. Lily sighed, and they could hear her trying to sooth him as she made her way upstairs.

James began pouring the tea. "You've been quiet tonight Wormtail. What's on your mind?"

Peter seemed rather shocked at being addressed. Perhaps he, like Sirius, had drifted into his own thoughts. "Oh..erm, nothing really."

Sirius couldn't help but commiserate. James was his best mate, but he could get rather over-protective. He wanted to look out for all his friends, and sometimes seemed like a bit of a mother-hen. Which isn't all that bad, but does get exhausting from time to time.

"Watch your sleeves, Pete." Case and point. "They're sopping wet, roll them up for Godric's sake!"

Normally, they all would've teased James for turning into his mother, but Sirius thought that would have been rather uncomfortable for everyone. One glance at Remus showed that he felt the same. Euphemia Potter had recently passed away, a mere four days after her husband, Fleamont. They had both had dragon pox, and the healers had informed James, who had informed Sirius, that it would likely be fatal at their age. Their entire circle was shaken by the loss, though it hit James and Sirius the hardest. James, because they were his parents, of course. And Sirius because...well, it was complicated, but they'd been like parents to him too.

"They're just sleeves, James."

"It's a nice sweater! Besides, it's December. We can't have you catching a cold, especially not with a baby around, and you wouldn't be able to come to Order meetings, and what if you have to skip a mission, and something goes wrong, and-"

"James, you're catastrophizing." Good old Moony, always the voice of reason.

"But I- yeah, I suppose you're right, Moons."

"Isn't he always?" Sirius put in. For all James' protectiveness, the Marauders still needed some sanity and stability in their lives, and this was usually where Remus, and later Lily, came in. They all had roles in their group, and yet none of it was set in stone. You could always tell when one of them was missing, the dynamic was always off. But it was hard to pinpoint how. They just kept each other grounded. They--Sirius could think of no other way to explain it--clicked.

James returned to fixing the tea, and they began talking about the quidditch match they'd caught on the wireless earlier that afternoon.

"I'm telling you Pads, all the Wigtown fans are bandwagon"

"That sounds like something a sore loser would say." 

"Not true! Honestly, had you seen a single person wearing a Wanderers scarf three months ago?"

"Prongs, nobody was wearing scarfs at all three months ago."

"Whatever, Moony. All I’m saying is, no one cared about them until they beat the Magpies, and then the Wasps, and made it to the near top of the league."

"Calm down, Jamie, you wouldn't care whether or not they were bandwagon if they hadn't beat the snot out of Puddlemere today.” Sirius teased. James was a huge Puddlemere fan. He’d wanted to play for them, and there was a scout at one of their games in sixth year. As it turns out, James couldn’t stand around and play quidditch while the rest of the world fought a war, and he ended up turning them down. “Frankly, I think they shouldn't have drafted that new beater,” Sirius continued, “he seems more the type to play for the Cannons if you know what I-"

"Oh, Godric, I just can't take it anymore!" James interjected, clearly frustrated.

It was a rather sudden outburst, and Sirius was somewhat taken aback "Well, that's what you get for supporting Puddlemere, I guess..."

"No, I was talking about Wormy's sleeves!" Sirius couldn't help but sigh. Of course he was. Remus however, was laughing at him.

"You're still on about that?” Remus shook his head as he spoke. “It's his sweater. If he wants to ruin it that's his prerogative."

James however, didn't listen to Remus, and was reaching out to roll up Peter's sleeves.

He jerked his arm away "Let it be, James!"

And suddenly, Sirius was alert. There was something all too familiar. 

_A hand. An arm. A sleeve._

He had an odd feeling of déjà vu. 

The charms corridor, seventh year. 

His own hand, reaching out, and an arm, a left arm, this time not in a sweater, but a school robe, flinching away. 

_“Leave me alone, Sirius!”_

Before the owner of said arm walked out of Sirius' life for good.

He was halfway to Peter before he realized he'd stood up at all. He did that a lot--acting without thinking. At the moment he was running on pure adrenaline. All he knew was that there was a threat. That _Peter_ was a threat. He had thought Peter was one of them. A Marauder, a brother. The voice in his head was back. _You’ve lost another brother to their cause._

No, he couldn’t think like that. Something was threatening the only family he’d ever known, and he had to protect it. He did his best to remove all emotions from his face, and with what he hoped was a calm demeanor, (but most definitely was not) grabbed Peter by his arm. He later realized that obviously James and Remus must have reacted, but his mind had not registered it in the slightest. Because all that existed was him, Peter, and what he knew was under this sleeve.

He yanked up the sleeve, and saw it. He had been so certain it would be there, and yet he found himself a bit taken aback by it. Peter had really done it. Sirius glared at his forearm, and glaring back at him was a red skull and snake that he had seen-in this case bright green-in the sky far too many times. It reminded him of failed Order missions, all the times they’d shown up too late to save anyone. It reminded him of Grimmauld, and all the gruesome decorations that were supposedly “heirlooms.” It reminded him of his cousin, Bella--no, call her Bellatrix. She’s not your cousin anymore--who had proudly shown off her own mark at a family gathering at Black Manor. His stomach twisted, as he remembered the fear on his baby brother’s face that day.

He pointed his wand in Peter’s face. (When had he taken his wand out?) “You! You’re the one who- who-”

“Sirius, calm down.” He could detect the bitterness in Remus’ voice, and knew it was taking everything for him to keep calm himself. He glanced quickly behind him, and saw Remus and James both had their wands drawn.

“Calm down? He joined _them._ I bet he’s been spying on the Order, I bet-- I bet he’s the reason the one who leaked the prophecy! I-- How long?”

Peter attempted to pull his arm away, but Sirius held tighter. "I-- I don't know who-- who leaked the proph-- prophecy, I...I just--"

Sirius tightened his grip, his nails digging into Peter's arm. "How. Long?" He demanded.

Peter seemed surprised by the question. “What? How...How long?”

“Yes how long! How long have you been one of them? Since we were in school? Since graduation?” A horrible thought struck him. “Were you one of them when Reg-- when they--”

“No! No, just-- just since September.” The traitor answered, as if that somehow made it better.

“You...you…” Sirius was searching for a word, when the irony in the situation hit him full force. “You _rat!_ ” and he laughed. It was a short bitter laugh, with no real humour behind it, but James must’ve sensed the danger in it, because he put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Sirius, why don’t you send Dumbledore a patronus. I’ll go check on Lily and Harry.” He sent a cold stare at Wormtail, as if to say that his wife and son had better be alright, or there’d be hell to pay. Sirius vaguely wondered if Wormtail could read James’ expression as easily as he could. “Remus, have you got this under control?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ve got it.” There was no emotion in his voice, nor on his face. Remus’ wand had never left Peter, and he hadn’t stopped watching him either. When threatened, Remus Lupin was nothing if not focused. 

James and Sirius left the kitchen together, Sirius heading outside, while James went upstairs. 

He didn’t need to be outside to send the patronus, but to be honest, he wasn’t sure if he’d been breathing since he saw that mark. He hesitated when picking a memory. Everything he thought was happy just reminded him of what he’d lost, or was in danger of losing.

 _“You have to focus on the memory itself.”_ He remembered Professor Abott telling them. _“You can’t think about how things have changed, or how you’ve lost what you once had. That’s focusing on_ now. _You have to focus on then.”_

He sighed, and thought of his seventeenth birthday. The Potter’s owl landing on the Gryffindor table. The small box, with a golden watch in it, from Mum and Dad Potter. The letter where they said they loved him, and he was like a son to them. He finally conjured the large dog, and when he remembered his message for Dumbledore, he felt the anger fill him again. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had said, only that it was a bit informal, and likely contained more swearing than a message to his former-headmaster should.

 **James Potter** had a lot of questions. They were all swirled together in his mind, and he couldn’t tell where one question stopped and the next began. He had a lot of questions, but should he be given the chance to ask them, he’d hesitate. Because he had no idea what his questions were. He supposed for the most part they all boiled down to _“why?”_ and _“how?”_ Not to mention he couldn’t stop thinking about the prophecy Dumbledore had mentioned. He thought about these questions in the short reprieve from the action as he rushed upstairs to his wife and child. He reached the nursery door, and nearly yanked it open in his haste.

He heard Lily laughing “Slow down, Jamie. I only just got him calmed down after the kettle went off.” _What? Oh right, the kettle._ Lily clearly hadn’t heard what had been going on downstairs (they had charmed the nursery to muffle outside noise) and the kettle must have just gone off a few moments ago for her. But for James the kettle had gone off years ago. Since the kettle had gone off, James’ world had flipped on its head.

“Lily, it’s not safe-- there’s a traitor, the spy, the one in the Order, it’s…” He noticed the panic creeping into her expression. He hated to see her worry. He didn’t want to see her hurt, and didn’t want to tell her the news, more because he couldn’t admit it to himself. But this was Lily. She was the strongest person James knew. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “It’s Peter.”

"Peter...is...the spy?" She seemed confused, and hesitantly glanced to James for confirmation. He nodded. "And...he's in our house! Oh, Merlin!" She rushed over to the crib, where Harry was sleeping and began muttering protective spells over it. "Alright, we need a plan."

"Sirius is contacting Dumbledore, and Remus has him at wandpoint in the kitchen." He could almost see gears turning in Lily's mind, trying to figure this out.

"Can he transform?" _Oh, darn. Could he?_

"I...I don't know. Maybe? Remus will take care of it I'm sure. He knows what he's doing. Listen, if you stay up here with Harry, and I could just..."

"James Potter, I am more than capable of holding my own! Or do you think I won't be able to take care of myself?" Didn't she get it?

"Lily, I know you can. But all the same, I'd rather you didn't _have to_. Dumbledore should be arriving soon, he always gets here fairly quick. He'll just slip into Hogsmeade to apparate, and then… then everything will be fine. Okay?" He needed her to stay safe. Lily was so strong, and she wanted to be out there fighting. She'd only just started taking Order missions again, but had insisted, along with Alice Longbottom in the months after both their deliveries, that she were perfectly fine, and would love to whip some Death Eater butt.

"Oh, alright James. But if I hear anything- _anything_ -out of the ordinary, I'm coming down. Clear?"

James sighed. He knew this was non-negotiable. "Clear." 

She stood up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Be safe. I love you."

"I love you."

 **Remus Lupin** held out his wand, as he looked into the eyes of his former-friend. It felt too sudden to consider him a former-friend, and yet here he was, considering him one. Peter's hand was moving towards his robe pocket.

"Don't even think about it." Peter seemed startled by the firmness in Remus' voice. People tended to be. Remus isn't the sort of person you'd expect to be firm, unless you knew him well. Very well. Even Marlene and Dorcas had been surprised that he joined the Order, despite him being top of their class in Defense.

He hadn't had much confidence in himself, but the Marauders had changed that for him. They had helped him so much. Even Peter, who now stood before him as a traitor. He would've been so lost at Hogwarts without them, and he'd always thought the others felt the same. But Peter clearly didn't. He summoned the wand, wordlessly, because he thought his voice might break, and caught it in his left hand. And then a thought occurred to him. Peter, like James and Sirius, was an animagus.

"Incarcerous!" The cords sprung from his wand and tied Peter up. But Remus wasn't sure if the spell would do the trick. He remembered reading about a spell to prevent animagus transformation, but couldn't recall it for the life of him. He could stun Peter, of course, but first he wanted an answer to what he'd been wondering since he saw the mark.

"Why'd you do it? The past nine years...Did it all mean nothing to you?" He desperately needed an answer, but his voice remained even, and didn't betray him.

Peter raised his eyebrows. Remus could tell he knew. He knew how badly Remus wanted an answer. Peter would use this to his advantage, if he had any sense of self-preservation. He was going to dangle the knowledge over Remus' head, and milk every last second he had.

"Moony, you have to understand…"

"Don't call me that."

" _Remus_ , please. James and Sirius could never understand, they're just glory seekers, but you…"

"Forget it. No more talking." Remus didn't care to hear Peter's thoughts on James and Sirius. They were in this war _for the glory?_ They'd joined the Order _for glory?_ Sirius fought against his family _for glory?_ To say nothing of the prophecy threatening James and his family. James and Sirius just weren't like that. When had Peter started seeing them as Snape did?

They stood in silence for a bit, Remus continued to debate if he should stun Peter. Obviously he _should_ , he just needed to ignore his emotions and curiosity. Then Peter spoke up again.

"He's making a better world, Remus." Remus scoffed. _A better world for who?_

“I think Lily would say differently.” He retorted. _Keep your emotions out of this, Remus._

“And what about you? He wants to join forces with your kind. He said that Fenrir Greyback-”

“Stupefy!” _Way to keep your emotions out of it._ He thought bitterly, as he looked down at Peter on the kitchen floor. It was only after Peter had collapsed that Remus had realized that he might have been about to surrender useful information. He had heard that name, and reacted.

“Nice shot, Moons.” He turned. Sirius was standing in the doorway, wearing that dry-smile he always wore at times like this. Sirius Black would smile and laugh while the world fell apart around him. Not because he was an upbeat and positive person, but because he didn’t like to let on about what he was really feeling. He never said, but Remus suspected it had to do with how he was raised. Then, as if reading Remus’ mind, Sirius added “Don’t worry. I reckon that was a load of dragon dung. He was just having you on, hoping you wouldn’t, well, stun him.” Remus nodded. He had visited a few werewolf communs since joining the Order, and most of them didn’t want to be involved in the war. But some of them were a bit more...wild. Savage werewolves like- “That name sounded familiar though.” Sirius interrupted his thoughts again. “Fenrir Greyback he said? Where’ve I heard that before?” Sirius muttered the name to himself, trying to place it.

Remus cleared his throat. “He’s the reason...Well, that is to say, he- he’s the one who...y’know” he gestured awkwardly at his face, and the scars that ran across it. He was still shaken from Peter’s words. _Since when has Peter referred to werewolves as “my kind?”_ He hated how uncomfortable the subject made him. Peter’s opinions shouldn’t carry this much weight, not after what he’d just revealed. And yet…

Sirius looked down at his boots. “Oh yeah, right. Sorry mate, I didn’t mean to sound like a git.”

“What? No, you’re fine. I didn’t talk about it much, obviously. I mean, back when you guys found out, Dad hadn’t even told me how it really happened.” Remus had tried to resent his dad when he found out, he really did. Lyall Lupin had insulted werewolves in front of Fenrir Greyback, and one thing led to another. Remus was four years old. But his dad had realized, after Remus had been bitten, that he was still the same boy he’d loved for the past four years. And when Remus learned what his dad had done, he eventually found himself thinking along the same line, though it took him a bit.

 **Sirius Black** came back inside to find Peter talking to Remus.

“He wants to join forces with your kind.” If Sirius had any doubt that Peter had changed, and frankly, he did, this abolished it. _“Your kind?”_ Was this really the same Peter who became an animagus for Remus? The same one who had reassured Remus on countless occasions that he wasn’t a monster? Who had argued with Professor Selwyn in fifth year, for being so close minded about werewolves? “He said that Fenrir Greyback-”

“Stupefy!” Remus stunned him, and he fell to the floor. He felt his mouth curl into a bitter smile as he looked at Peter’s unconscious body. _You deserved that._

“Nice shot, Moons.” Remus turned around. He seemed a bit worried. Maybe he thought he’d missed out on some useful intel, but Sirius figured Peter had been bluffing, and he told Remus as much, before making an utter prat of himself by forgetting who Fenrir Greyback was. Remus, of course, being Remus, said it was fine.

“Back when you guys found out, Dad hadn’t even told me how it really happened.” Sirius remembered the night they confronted Remus about his secret, and he seemed to feel sympathy towards the mysterious werewolf who had bitten him. And he remembered Remus getting on the train when they started seventh year. Something had been off about him, and they had badgered him enough that he gave in and told them that night in the dorm. He knew things had gotten better between Remus and his dad, they’d apparently talked things out over the Christmas holidays of that year. Remus had always had a fairly good relationship with both his parents, something Sirius rather envied. He had had the Potters though, for a few years.

When he ran away from home at sixteen they took him in. Mr. Potter was an expert potioneer, who helped tend his bruises and cuts, and Mrs. Potter made sure he was well fed, because he was "thin as a rail" and "a growing boy" And thankfully, at least for that night, they didn't ask too many questions. Not because they didn't care, but because they (unlike James, who, to be fair, was only sixteen himself) knew Sirius wasn't ready to talk about it. But he found a home with the Potters. They were like a second set of parents to him, which had made grieving them so complicated. He couldn't decide who had lost more. James, who had lost his biological and only parents, or him, who had lost his second set of parents. His found-parents. The ones who wanted him.

He cleared his throat. “I sent the patronus to Dumbledore.” It was quite obvious that he had, as he’d returned to the house, but he had to say _something._ Sirius had had quite enough of the inside of his head for one evening.

“Oh, good. I expect he’ll be here soon.” There was nothing in Remus’ voice.

“Yeah probably. You know Dumbledore.” Remus nodded. There was an odd feeling in the room. As if he and Remus weren’t really having this conversation. They were just saying what they knew they ought to say.

 **James Potter** entered his kitchen again to find both his best mates there, and Peter lying unconscious on the ground. A crazy thought entered his mind. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn’t help but wonder.

“Is he just stunned, or…?” They all knew what the “or” meant, but none of them said it aloud.

“Just stunned. Remus did it.” Sirius answered quickly. None of them wanted to dwell on the “or.” It was too complicated. But no one had anything else to say, so they stood around the kitchen, pretending they weren’t thinking about the “or” as the silence grew louder.

Of course Remus wouldn’t’ve done it. Remus was rather sensitive to the idea of being a killer due to his condition, and he was logical enough to see the benefits of using Peter for information.

If given the chance though, would he have done it? Maybe if Lily or Harry were in danger, but James didn’t think he was the type to do it without cause. What about Sirius? He glanced at Sirius, and found the man looking back at him. Both tried to keep their expression neutral, but James could tell what Sirius was thinking, and Sirius must’ve known what he was thinking. And they’d been wondering the same thing about the other.

He felt like a dreadful friend for thinking it, but he reckoned Sirius might’ve done it. If he thought he was protecting the others. Or maybe if he had some cause for revenge, on a personal level, which he didn’t, as Peter had joined long after Voldemort had killed Regulus.

It had been a year to the day that the Order had learned of Regulus’ death. At the time he was reported missing, but the Death Eaters had spread the word that Regulus had tried to back out, and had paid the price. Sirius claimed it was all just to scare the new recruits. He said Regulus wouldn’t have backed out, and if he had he was even stupider than Sirius thought. James hadn’t known what to say at the time, and he still didn’t. He tried to be there for his best mate, but when it came down to Regulus, Sirius would usually only talk to Lily.

At this point James figured they were all rather uncomfortable in the silence, but no one could bring themselves to break it. Eventually, a large silver phoenix swooped into the room, and spoke in the voice of Albus Dumbledore.

“On the way. Heading into Hogsmeade to apparate now. Stay together, and stay safe.” Perhaps James was imagining it, but the phoenix seemed to turn and look at Sirius. “Please refrain from taking any drastic measures.”

Then he heard Lily from the staircase. "James? Is that Dumbledore?" He glanced at Peter on the floor, and sighed. He supposed it was safe. He was just being over-protective, is all.

 **Lily Potter** kissed her husband on the cheek before he went downstairs again. “Be safe. I love you.”

James said “I love you.” back and then disappeared out of the nursery. She supposed she couldn’t do much about this. She removed the muffling charms from the room, so she could listen to what was going on downstairs without having to leave Harry. She had cast a fair amount of enchantments on the crib, and she knew they were strong, but it still wasn’t enough to satisfy her maternal instincts.

 _Was Peter really the spy?_ She couldn’t believe it. Those boys had been as thick as thieves growing up, to imagine any of them turning on the others like that was nothing short of sacrilege.

 _And what about the cause itself?_ Lily doubted Peter actually believed in the pure-blood movement. He had always been kind to her, and didn’t seem bothered by her blood-status, or Remus’ lycanthropy. He probably just wanted the protection the other side had to offer, not that this was any consolation. They could’ve protected him. Besides, Lily didn’t think the other side was really all that keen to protect each other.

They’d found out last year that Sirius’ brother, Regulus, had been killed, supposedly for trying to back out of the Death Eaters. The Order wasn’t like that, Peter didn’t have to be in the Order, if he didn’t want to. Another one of their friends, Mary, hadn't joined. She supported the cause, of course, being a muggleborn herself, but the Order is risky, and the front lines aren’t for everyone. None of them were _against_ Mary because of it, though. _Surely Peter had to have noticed that, right?_

Harry rolled over in his sleep, and she walked over to the crib. She hated to think about the prophecy. It was all so complicated. Prophecies had weird loopholes, and could create paradoxes, it hurt her brain. She told herself it was all so complicated, and it might not mean what they thought it meant. In the face of danger, though, with a supposed friend downstairs who’d turned on them, the prophecy suddenly felt all the more real.

She tried to listen downstairs but still couldn't hear anything. She'd told James she'd come down if she heard anything out of the ordinary, and the long silence definitely seemed to fall under that category.

She leaned over to kiss Harry on the forehead. "Mummy'll be right back." She grabbed her wand, and headed into the hallway. She slowly made her way down the stairs, careful not to make any noise. She didn't think there was much of a threat at the moment, but one could never be too careful. 

She felt as if they were in an odd limbo between danger and safety while they waited for Dumbledore to arrive. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she heard the old man's voice. She couldn't make out the words though, the headmaster had never been all that loud. When the voice stopped, she called out. "James? Is that Dumbledore?"

"It was his patronus, Lily. You can come on down." Lily walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around James, burying her face in his chest. "Hello there." She could hear the smile in his voice, as he wrapped her in his arms. She hmm-ed in response. He smelled like...well, James. She couldn't pick out what exactly, she'd just grown used to the smell. He was just...James. Her James. She hadn't acknowledged it when she was upstairs, but now that he was safe she admitted to herself just how worried she'd been. She felt a few tears on her cheeks. She felt him gently kiss the top of her head. "How's Harry?"

She pulled her head back to look up at him. "Sleeping. When will Dumbledore be here?"

"Soon. He sent the patronus right before he left for Hogsmeade."

She nodded. "Good." It was then she remembered the other Marauders were in the house and glanced around the room. Sure enough, Remus and Sirius were there. And Peter was unconscious on the floor.

"Remus stunned him." Sirius supplied, almost the moment her eyes rested on Peter.

There wasn't much to be said. Or rather, there was far too much that needed to be said, and none of them knew where to start. There were too many unknowns. The room descended into deafening silence once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is short, but because of that I'll update sooner. I'm going to try and get the next few out this week, to finish out 2020. Because what better way to start the New Year than with some Black Bros reunion?


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet, and by sweet I mean angsty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit at the start of this chapter made me cry while I wrote it. Where they're all around the table, and Remus is thinking 'bout stuff? Yeah, that bit.
> 
> This is a very informal notes. I don't really have any warnings for this chap., though. Well, there's Dumbledore bashing. And sadness. But that's it.

December 28, 1980  
8:15 P.M.  
The Potter’s House

**Remus Lupin** stared into his empty mug, as if it could explain that night's events to him. He wasn’t one for divination, but he placed some stock in it after finding out his parents had seen a naming seer when his mum was pregnant. Because of course they had. He’d rather not think about it. Divination meant The Prophecy. He always thought of it like that. Capitalized. It wasn’t a prophecy, it was The Prophecy.

They’d been sitting around the kitchen table, drinking their tea, which had gotten rather cold, although none of them had the heart to mention it. And they were all decidedly not looking at Peter’s unconscious form a few feet away. Remus was wondering how it could’ve ended like this. He wasn’t entirely sure what “it” was, but something had ended. His childhood? _Long over. Greyback took care of that one._ Their friendship? _James and Sirius would lose it if they knew I’d even thought such a thing._ The Marauders? _That was it. The Marauders were over._ He loved James, Sirius and Lily like family, but _they_ weren’t the Marauders. James, Sirius, himself, and of course, Peter, were the Marauders. _It shouldn’t matter,_ he tried to tell himself. _It shouldn’t matter that you don’t have all your old school mates still together._ But it did. Remus realized then, what he’d always known, but never said. It seemed so obvious back then, that he hadn’t felt the need to say it.

“The Marauders were more than just school mates.” He hadn’t planned to say it out loud, but once he did, his chest felt a bit lighter for a moment, before twisting itself back into a knot.

There were several nods around the table. Even Lily seemed to understand that there was something more to their friendship, and Lily had only seen what they had wanted her to see for the first five years.

“Mischief managed.” Sirius muttered. Remus and James nodded. It seemed to be the only thing left to say. And now that it had been said, the table fell silent again.

Remus saw both his mates had tears in their eyes, and suddenly realized he did too.

James’ voice filled his head. Thirteen-year-old James, that is. _“I’m not crying, Moony! Marauders don’t cry.”_ James had said that on several occasions, and Remus had always rolled his eyes. _Go ahead and cry, James,_ he thought. _There are no Marauders anymore._

There was a crack of apparition outside, but no one else seemed to notice. It must have been outside of earshot for all of them. Once in a while, lycanthropy had the smallest upsides. It wasn’t anywhere near worth it, of course, but he’d learnt to take advantage of those moments when they came along. He stood up, and all the heads turned to look at him.

"Dumbledore's here." He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice, he wanted to maintain his calm demeanor when they were discussing things with Dumbledore. He wasn't succeeding. He was increasingly nervous as he walked to the door. _It's just Order business. It's just Order business. It's just Order business,_ Remus told himself. But in the back of his mind, a voice echoed back: _No it's not. No it's not. No it's not._ He took several deep breaths before opening the door.

"Good evening, Professor." Albus Dumbldore was standing on the front porch, in a long, purple cloak.

"Ah, Remus. How many times have I told you to call me Albus? You are, after all, an adult now. I feel rather old when grown men call me 'professor.'" There was an amused glint in his eyes, and he had the oddest hint of a smile. _Doesn't he know what's happened?_

"Right, erm, Albus. Come on in, then." He ushered them through the front door. "Everyone's just in the kitchen, right through here." It was rather odd to be leading the way through someone else's house, but of course, all the Marauders spent a fair amount of time here ( _Back when we were the Marauders,_ Remus thought.) and he knew the place like the back of his hand. They entered the kitchen, where everything was much the same as when Remus had left. No one had bothered to move. Peter was still unconscious on the floor. “He’s here." Remus announced to the room. They all had heard him at the door of course, and muttered their greetings to their former headmaster.

Sirius was rather straight to the point "Well, he's right over there, the coward." He stood up and gestured at Peter. "He's not...Remus just stunned him is all."

"I see." Dumbledore spent several moments in thought, stroking the end of his silvery beard. "And how did you all come to this conclusion?"

"Do you mean before or after he openly admitted to it?" Sirius snarked. James gently placed a hand on Sirius' elbow, and Sirius slowly sat back down. James was the only one who could calm Sirius down, most of the time.

Dumbledore seemed unfazed by the outburst. "Preferably before, Sirius. How did the topic come up?" He posed the question to the room, before looking to Lily and Remus, as if he wanted one of them to answer. Remus noticed Lily leaning forward with curiosity. _James must not have told her about this part._

"He had a mark on his arm." Remus volunteered. "His left one. The same one they always cast into the sky when…" Remus trailed off, not sure of a polite word to use for what they did. _Perhaps there just isn't one._

"When they've murdered someone, yes." Remus was alarmed by the casualty with which he spoke about it. "I believe that this mark serves as a communication method as well."

“A communication method? You- you know that for certain, sir?” James asked, hesitantly.

“Indeed I do.” Dumbledore responded, “I had it on very good authority that-” But he didn’t finish, because Sirius had shot up from his chair again.

He pointed an accusatory finger in the old man’s face “You knew! And you didn’t think to tell us? You didn’t think this information could be useful? We, and the rest of the Order are out there risking our neck’s, and you can’t even keep us informed?” 

“I was not aware,” Dumbledore began, seemingly unfazed by Sirius’ anger. “How best to utilize such information.”

_“Utilize?”_ Sirius was outraged, and Remus and Lily both turned to James, silently asking him to do something.

James’ tried, but it was rather half-hearted. Remus could tell he was on Sirius’ side. “Sirius why don’t you…” James was saved having to think of what Sirius should do, because his best mate cut him off.

“No!” The room quieted at the sudden interruption. “No, this is exactly like the prophecy! You don’t get to just...hold all the cards. You can’t really expect us to keep following you blindly, can you? That’s what _they_ do. And we’re supposed to be different than them.”

There was a loud silence, and they all turned to Dumbledore. Intentionally or not, Sirius had certainly implied something. No one knew how the professor would react, and watched him as if he were a bomb about to go off.

“Perhaps,” He began, calm as ever, “We shall return to the matter at hand?” It was so like Dumbledore to remain calm in a situation like this, and they continued on.

Not much else of consequence happened that evening. They each recounted their view of the events, with a rather stiff politeness from Sirius, and then Dumbledore levitated the body out the door, and apparated away.

They sat in the kitchen for a few moments, before Lily suggested they all head to bed. Remus was thinking he’d just floo home, but Lily insisted he stay in one of the guest rooms.

“And that goes for you too, Sirius. I’d rather we didn’t...I think we should all stick together after this evening.” Remus nodded. He wasn’t too keen on staying the night, as he felt like he was intruding, but he had to admit he wanted to keep his friends close tonight. “Well, I suppose that’s settled then, we can sort things out in the morning. I’d show you to your rooms, but I reckon you know your way around by now.” It was true, he and Sirius had spent an awful lot of time at the Potter’s, as did Peter, though he hadn’t been around much lately. _Gee, I wonder why?_ He tried to tell the little voice in his head to stuff it, so he could get a good night’s sleep. Remus was exhausted, but he could already tell he’d be up most of the night. Just him and his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short one. I'll see you all in 2021 with some Siri & Reg reunion, that (I hope) will not go how you expect.


	4. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021! Here it is, as promised, the Black brothers reunion chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all project onto our favorite characters. Sometimes it's our emotional struggle, and sometimes it's our love of sitting on tables. Fight me.
> 
> No trigger warnings really apply for this chapter.
> 
> Please Enjoy, and Happy New Year!

December 29, 1980  
12:56 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **Sirius Black** woke up to an odd feeling in his torso. It felt...cold. And damp. As if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over him. He rolled over, and noticed there was someone else, in the room, sitting on his stomach. No, he’d just rolled over. Rather, they were sitting… _in_ his stomach. And the person was oddly familiar. He blinked several times, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark room. The person, a young boy, was emitting a soft, green glow. He had dark hair that looked as if it should be dripping wet, thin scratches across his neck, and familiar stormy-gray eyes. He recognized those eyes immediately, they were his own eyes. He knew someone else with those eyes, but they were dead. _But the boy looks more like_ him _than you._ It must be his imagination.

“Leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep.” The boy, or whatever it was, seemed rather taken aback by this.

“Well, of all the reactions I expected, I must say that was most certainly not one of them.” Merlin and Agrippa, he even _talked_ like Regulus. All posh, and intellectual, and whatnot. The boy floated up a few inches, and the chill Sirius felt lessened.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, you’re supposed to be Regs- _Regulus.”_ Sirius corrected himself, it was a bad habit he was trying to break since joining the Order. He didn’t want to have any emotional attachment to his family, he knew most of the Order already didn’t trust him, thanks to his blasted ancestry.

“Supposed to be?” Not-Regulus, as Sirius was internally calling him now, raised his eyebrows.

“Well I don’t _know,_ this is all just a dream, or maybe you’re my bloody conscience or whatever, since I’ve been thinking about him all day.”

“Or I’m a ghost.” Not-Regulus suggested, and he was almost...smirking. Sirius sat up and considered this. It would explain how he was talking to his supposedly-dead brother. It would explain that odd chill he felt. But why in Godric’s name would Regulus become a ghost?

He said as much, and Not-Regulus (who might actually be Regulus) replied. “Unfinished business.” He waited, but the self-proclaimed ghost did not elaborate.

“Well?” He pressed

“Well what?”

“Well, are you going to tell me what your ‘unfinished business’ is?” He was rather irritated now, it was so like his brother to be all secretive and cryptic. _When did you start thinking of this...spirit...thing as actually being your brother?_

“Eventually.” Regulus answered. _He’s not Regulus!_ “When I think it’s safe to trust you with that information.”

“You don’t trust me? I’m not the Death Eater here.” The so-called ghost, who may or may not be Regulus, flinched at the words, and Sirius almost felt bad. Almost. It was the truth, wasn’t it?

“Neither am I. Technically. I’ve...resigned.” There was something in Regulus’ eyes--even if it wasn’t Regulus, they were decidedly his eyes--that seemed out of place. Like it shouldn’t be in the eyes of an eighteen-year-old boy. He was tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. Perhaps it was this that made Sirius ask his next question a bit more gently.

“And how exactly did you resign from the Death Eaters?”

The ghost gestured at his body, or lack of one. “I died.” He said simply. If only it really were simple. Regulus--Sirius was having a hard time doubting it was Regulus after seeing the look in his eyes--must have registered the shocked look Sirius was wearing, because he continued “Only way out.” Sirius was surprised at the casualness. Then again, Regulus had had a year to get used to being dead. _Then again,_ Sirius had also had a year to get used to Regulus being dead, and he wasn’t quite at the calm acceptance that Regulus had reached.

“It can’t have been the _only_ way out,” Sirius tried. “You could’ve come to me, I’m in the Order, surely there must have been something-”

“I didn’t trust the Order. Specifically not Albus Dumbledore. I still don’t trust him, that’s why I’d rather hold off on telling you about...everything.”

“Well, I can’t say I trust him much myself, I may have, erm, shouted at him a bit earlier.” He was still rather embarrassed about the outburst, and though he knew he was in the right, wasn’t ready to share the details with his brother.

Regulus smirked. “You? Lose your temper?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Shut it.” He murmured.

“No, really, I’m intrigued. Of all the people, Albus Dumbledore? Sweet Salazar, how’d that even happen?” Sirius thought Regulus was enjoying this far more than he should.

“Honestly, Regulus, I’m not awake enough for this.” Granted, Sirius didn’t think he’d be able to fall back asleep any time soon. He groaned, and got out of bed. “I need some coffee. You want any?” He started for the door.

“Gee, I don’t know Sirius. Do I _look_ like I want some coffee?” He turned around, and saw his brother smirking at him.

“What? Oh, yeah, the ghost thing.” Regulus looked rather judgemental at that. _But hey, what else is new?_ thought Sirius.

“Yes.” He said slowly. “The...ghost thing.”

“Look, I’ve had a long day. Now be quiet in the hallway, Harry’s sleeping.” At Regulus’ confused look, Sirius added “The baby. James and Lily’s son.” Realization dawned on Regulus’ face, and he nodded.

Sirius slowly crept down the stairs, Regulus floating behind him. He walked into the kitchen, and over to the coffee maker. “Feel free to...sit down I guess.”

Regulus floated over to the kitchen table, and sat right in the middle, with his legs crossed.

“I meant more like...nevermind, you can face Lily’s wrath yourself.”

“Doesn’t really matter much. Y’know, cause of ‘the ghost thing.’” He had a rather cheeky grin on his face, one Sirius didn’t remember seeing there when Regulus was alive.

“Merlin, you’re insufferable, you know that?” He was rifling through the kitchen cupboards by wandlight, trying to remember where James kept the coffee.

“Maybe. You missed me though.” Sirius hit his head on the cabinet he was examining, and Regulus snorted.

He turned to face Regulus. “Did not.” He lied. Regulus raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t!” Sirius insisted, despite the fact that he totally did. _He doesn’t need to know that, though._

As he was pulling out the coffee grounds he’d finally located, Regulus sighed. “Whatever you say, Sirius. But...you did mention you were thinking about me all day. On the anniversary of my death too. I’m very touched.”

“How bout you just shut up?” There was no real venom in the words though. Then Sirius paused, thinking. “Wait a moment...the anniversary of your death? Was today really…?”

“Yup.” Regulus answered. Sirius was once again surprised by how casual he was about the whole ordeal. “Reckon it’d be yesterday by now though. It’s late. Or early.”

Sirius couldn’t explain why this came as such a shock to him. Maybe because he’d had a feeling all day, that he couldn’t quite place. This information shouldn’t have changed anything, but it did. He began pacing around the kitchen, anxiously running his hands through his hair. His voice was rapid and frantic, for reasons he couldn’t put his finger on. “I…I mean, we heard about it today, but I never thought, I don’t know, I thought it’d been weeks before. I thought I’d found out rather late.” _Too late_ he thought. “Merlin, today, huh?”

It was a rather surreal thing to have a conversation about, and there was an odd atmosphere in the kitchen. “Yeah, doesn’t change much though.”

“I guess not.” Sirius shrugged, and went back to making the coffee. He wasn’t entirely sure how to make conversation with a ghost, specifically his estranged brother, so he just said the first thing that popped into his head, because he was Sirius Black, and that’s what he did. “Are you going to celebrate?” Regulus looked at him as if he were speaking Mermish. “Your death day, I mean. Nick always would. I thought maybe it was a ghost thing.”

“Oh. Well, no, I didn’t...have anything planned.” Regulus answered, awkwardly. He probably had bigger concerns.

Sirius continued rambling, because he didn’t like the silence between them. “You should celebrate. You only get one first deathday. That’s a big milestone. Probably. I wouldn’t know.” Sirius knew there must be a reason his brother had finally come to talk to him after a whole year of being a ghost, and he figured it had to do with something much bigger than Regulus’ first deathday. However, he wasn’t entirely sure how to bridge the gap to that particular topic.

He rolled up his sweater, which he’d slept in, so he could fill the coffee pot at the sink, and was reminded of what had unfolded in this kitchen hours previously. _Sweet Merlin, has it really just been a few hours._ “Regulus,” He began carefully. “Do you- have you got...something on your arm?”

Regulus sighed, and rolled up his left sleeve, and there was an image that must have at some point been the same as Peter’s. Regulus’ however had a slice through the skin, that Sirius suspected would be bleeding profusely if Regulus were still alive. Had that been how he’d died? “How much do you know about it?” Regulus asked.

“Well, it’s...it’s what they put in the sky after the raids. And all the Death Eaters have one, Bellatrix did. And you can...communicate with it?” It occurred to Sirius that he hadn’t actually confirmed Regulus’ loyalties before telling him essentially everything the Order knew about the odd tattoos. He’d taken his brother at his word, because he saw the helplessness in his eyes, and heard the way he’d talked about the Death Eaters. Not to mention the slice through his tattoo. Aside from that, it just...felt familiar. It felt like old times, when the two of them had still been close, and those few moments they’d shared at school when they’d actually let their guards down around the other.

Regulus nodded. “Well, that’s not too far off. The symbol is called the Dark Mark, and most of us have them. If he gets wind that the Order’s found out about it, he’ll probably stop branding the spies. And probably the students.” The word _students_ hung in the air. They both knew Regulus had still been in school when he joined. There’d been that conversation--their last conversation. Sirius reaching for his arm, and not even realizing what it meant when Regulus suddenly flinched away. Regulus continued before the silence lasted too long. “It turns black when he wants to summon us. It burns too, if you try to ignore it. We can summon him too, but no one tries unless they’ve got a really good reason."

Sirius nodded, not really sure how to reply. 

Suddenly, he heard footsteps, and they both froze. Remus walked in, with a wand illuminating his face. The circles under his eyes were darker than usual, and he had changed into a set of old pajamas. "Sirius, it's one A.M. Who are you talking…?" He stopped dead in his tracks, staring at Regulus. "...to."

 **Regulus Black** rather liked sitting on tables. Even if he wasn't technically sitting on it, there was just something about being up on a table. It was oddly comforting. Sitting on tables isn’t the sort of thing that was considered proper, and he hadn't done it growing up, but since becoming a ghost, it'd become a habit of sorts. Perhaps he enjoyed the rebellion of it. Not that he'd mention that to Sirius, as his brother had a very different, more extreme, sense of "rebellion" and would probably laugh at him.

He was contemplating this as he sat on the Potters' kitchen table, before Sirius' voice interrupted his thoughts. "Regulus," he sensed Sirius was rather anxious about the question he was going to ask. "Do you- have you got...something on your arm?" He should've expected this. He'd been watching Sirius and his friends for a while, trying to figure out if any of them were the traitor. And he'd seen from the window that Pettigrew's Mark had been revealed. He rolled up his sleeve, to show his own Mark, as well as the slash he'd made across it. "How much do you know about it?" He asked.

Would Sirius even trust him? Would he willingly tell him how much information he, and possibly the Order, had?

Surprisingly, Sirius continued to explain everything he knew about the Mark, and when he finished, Regulus filled in the gaps for him. "If he gets wind that the Order found out about it," He began, hoping Sirius would realize Regulus himself would not be the one to surrender this information. "He'll probably stop branding the spies. And the students."

He knew Sirius was thinking the same thing he was. That Regulus himself had been a student. He knew his brother remembered the way he flinched away when Sirius reached out to grab his arm that day in the charms corridor.

He eventually broke the silence, and began explaining the communicative properties the Mark carried. When he finished, his brother nodded, and then there were footsteps in the hallway. 

A man about Sirius' age walked in, holding a lit wand. Regulus recognized him as Remus Lupin, one of his brothers' schoolmates, and a member of the Order of the Phoenix. He was wearing a rather worn set of pajamas, and he looked--not that Regulus was one to judge--dead on his feet. He had dark circles under his eyes, along with several scars running across his face. He'd had scars like that in school, too.

"Sirius, it's one A.M. Who are you talking…to." he must have suddenly caught sight of Regulus, because he immediately stopped, and awkwardly finished his sentence.

Regulus looked at Sirius, then back to Lupin. They all continued looking around at each other, before Sirius spoke up.

"You'd best take a seat, Moony. Coffee?"

Lupin seemed rather frustrated that Sirius would offer him coffee at such a moment. He must have had several questions, and couldn't decide what to ask, which led to a good few seconds of whispered stuttering. "What? Sirius what's going on? Is that Regulus? What...I mean how...I mean...is he...a ghost?"

"Not bad, Lupin." Regulus said, smiling at the man. "You certainly figured it out much quicker than this one." He nodded his head in Sirius' direction.

Sirius let out a heavy sigh, and rubbed a hand over his face. "That's not helping, Regulus." Then to Lupin: "Did we wake you?"

"No, I- I wasn't able to fall asleep." Regulus privately thought the man probably hadn't slept in a week. "I only heard you guys cause of…" he trailed off, and exchanged a meaningful look with Sirius. _Now what could that mean?_ Regulus wondered.

Sirius busied himself with the coffee machine before Lupin spoke up again. "Sirius, what exactly is going on here?"

"Now isn't that the question." Sirius responded. Regulus didn't know what Sirius hoped to accomplish by this, but it made Lupin rather upset.

"What in Merlin's name does that mean?" He snapped, probably louder than he'd intended, because he immediately winced at the volume. Sirius went to answer, but Lupin held up a finger to silence him. After a few seconds, he whispered "Darn. Harry's up. You better have a good explanation to give when I get back down here."

 _How on earth could he have heard that?_

Sirius swore under his breath. He turned around to face Lupin. "I've got Harry. Why don't you stay here, and Regulus can fill you in on what he's told me. Which is _nothing_ by the way." Regulus decided to ignore the look he knew Sirius was giving him. Lupin looked like he wanted to argue, but Sirius was already on his way out of the kitchen.

Regulus watched Lupin for a few moments, trying to figure him out. He suddenly remembered something Severus had pointed out about the boy. He'd dismissed it at the time, because frankly, he didn't _care,_ and didn't understand why Severus did.

It fit though, the disappearances he'd heard people talk about when he was in school. All the trips to the hospital wing. The scars. And hadn't Sirius just called him Moony? _And that certainly would explain his hearing._

Lupin seemed to notice him staring and asked "Can I help you?" His tone was rather cold. He probably wasn't too keen on Regulus randomly showing up at his mates' house in the middle of the night. Which was understandable.

Now, Regulus probably could have voiced his realization in a much more polite manner. But he was rather shocked by this discovery. So he simply stared back, and said "You're a werewolf."

 **Remus Lupin** didn't think he'd ever so much as talked to Regulus Black, but here he was, in the Potters' kitchen with the boy's ghost. He was focused on the slow dripping of the coffee machine when he got the feeling he was being stared at. He turned towards the table Regulus was "sitting" on, and sure enough, the ghost was staring at him. _No, not at me._ Remus knew that look. _He's looking at my scars._ He was tired of people staring at his scars. _Don't they realize it's rude._ But what was more concerning was that despite barely encountering the boy at school, he knew one thing about Regulus Black. Regulus Black was smart. Definitely smart enough to figure it out. And it didn't help that he'd spent most of his school years in close proximity to Snape.

Against his better judgement, Remus spoke up, trying to keep his voice calm. "Can I help you?" _Well, that sounded downright rude._ His guilt only lasted a moment though, because in response, Regulus said what was on both their minds.

"You're a werewolf."

Remus thought about blatantly denying it, but he wasn't the best liar when he got nervous. Besides, anyone smart enough to figure it out wouldn't fall for some half-baked excuse. Ultimately, Remus decided to just accept it.

"Yeah." He muttered. "How'd you know?"

Regulus shrugged. "Just put a few pieces together. Realized Severus' theories weren't as stupid as they'd sounded. The hearing was what got me wondering. I take it Sirius and Potter already know?"

Remus nodded. "And Lily. And...Peter."

Regulus gave him a sympathetic look. "I saw some of what happened. From the windows. Sirius didn't mention it, but...I'm not one of them anymore."

Remus nodded. He still hadn't decided if he trusted Regulus, and he wasn't going to without some kind of proof. However, he had a feeling Regulus had proof, and was for some reason waiting to provide it. _Well, I don't reckon it'd be the easiest thing to talk about._

"And…" Regulus continued. "I'm sorry for anything I said about you in school. I was...kind of an idiot. My family wasn't the best, but I suppose that's not much of an excuse, especially not when Sirius wound up so different."

"Well then." Remus replied. "I have to say, I had been expecting more...negativity about my being a half-breed."

Regulus rolled his eyes at that. "Well first off, I'd never be so uneducated as to refer to a werewolf as a 'half-breed.' There's no actual breeding involved, lycanthropy is spread through infection, not genetics. And I can't see where the half comes from, as you're only a wolf approximately one night a month." Remus fought a smile. Regulus had said this all very fast, but the next bit he delivered sloweer, as if he were stepping into unfamiliar territory, which he might be. "And second of all, well...given the amount of things I've come to realize Sirius was right about in the past few years…" he trailed off, but Remus understood what he'd been trying to say, and nodded.

"Don't tell him that, it'll go to his head." Remus joked.

Regulus laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it, Lupin. He's insufferable as it is."

Remus chuckled. "You can call me Remus, you know, I call you by your first name." It felt odd to extend the invitation. His doubts about Regulus had slowly vanished ( _Mad-Eye wouldn't be too pleased with me._ ), but all the same, the two of them weren't exactly close. So few people called him by his surname though, it felt odd to hear it.

"Well, that's because there are two of us." Regulus told him. "You couldn't very well call me Black."

"True. Still, though, call me Remus."

Regulus seemed to give in. "Alright then. Remus." He seemed to be thinking to himself, before turning to look at Remus. "Naming seer?" He asked.

Remus blushed, and anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous tick he'd developed. "Um, yeah. Is it that obvious?"

"Only if you know what to look for."

"Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably isn't what you expected. There are a lot of emotions, and Sirius has yet to begin processing them. He's sort of in shock. Don't worry, the Angst tm is coming. Actually, maybe that's exactly why you should worry. *evil cackles*


	5. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole squad meets Regulus, for better or worse.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small warning for mentions of Orion and Walburga being awful parents.
> 
> Also, there's some stuff with James...idk if you'd call it bashing. It's just his protectiveness kicking into overdrive, and he's a bit rude, just cause he's worried about his friends.

December 29, 1980  
1:17 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **Sirius Black** tried his best not to wake James and Lily on his way upstairs. The two of them had barely gotten any sleep since Harry had been born, and after everything that happened tonight, they must be exhausted.

He walked into the nursery, and found Harry stirring in his cot. He placed his lit wand on the dresser, and walked over. "Hey, Prongslet," he whispered, scooping up the infant. He paced around the room with Harry in his arms, gently bouncing him, and talking to him in a hushed voice like he'd seen James do. "Can't sleep either, huh? I was sleeping just fine until Reg woke me up. You know he used to do that when we were kids, too? Well, of course you wouldn't know, you're just a baby. But still." Harry was leaning against Sirius' chest, and was clenching his sweater with his tiny baby fists. "Yeah. He'd always sneak into my room and wake me up when he had nightmares. Not that I blame him for it. It's hard not to have nightmares in that house, and it's not like he could go to our parents about it. I mean, y'know how they were." Of course, Harry actually _didn't_ know how his parents were. 

"Harry, not all parents are like James and Lily. Those are your parents. And they love you so much. Most parents are like that, I guess. But mine and Reg's weren't. That's how come I left. I came to live with James and…" Sirius felt a lump form in the back of his throat at the memory of the Potter’s. "...and your grandparents. You'd've loved them, Harry. I couldn't tell James this, cause I always told him that I didn't care about my family, and that him, and Remus, and Pete were my real brothers” He frowned, remembering what they’d learned about Peter earlier. “so I never told James that those first few weeks…" Merlin, was he crying? _You're Sirius Black, you don't cry!_ "Those first few weeks, I missed Regs so much. Thought I'd never see him again. Stupid, I know. We went to the same sodding school, but..." He trailed off, lost in thought. "There were a lot of times where I thought I'd never see him again. Most notably when he _died_ , but I guess that didn't stop him either, huh?"

Then he heard an incredulous voice from the doorway. "Excuse me?" _Oh, joy. Lily's up._ Out of all the ways to break the news to Lily, or anyone really, this was not how Sirius would have chosen to do it.

“Oh, hey Lily. What…” Sirius had no idea how to navigate this conversation. “what brings you here?” This was decidedly not the best thing to say, because Lily fixed him with a glare.

“I heard you through the baby monitor. I thought you might want someone to talk to, since today is the day that Regulus...that we found out he had disappeared.” Sirius noticed that she’d stopped herself from saying that it was the day Regulus had died. Sirius had always forcefully maintained that Regulus had already been dead for weeks when they got the news, and it had started a few arguments between himself and his friends when they first found out, with him being as stubborn as he was. He snapped himself out of his thoughts, and noticed Lily was still talking. “...came in here, and heard you say that you’d...seen him again?” The last bit was a question, and Sirius nodded.

“Yeah. He’s a ghost. He said he needed some help with his...unfinished business, or something like that. I- Maybe just...get James? And Reg can explain it to all of us? Remus is already down there, I don’t think anyone’s gonna get much sleep.”

Lily nodded, and seemed to be at a loss for words for a few seconds. Sirius didn’t meet her eyes, because he didn’t know what he’d see there. He moved to put Harry back in his crib, when Lily said “Can you take him downstairs, actually? He needs a bottle.”

Sirius looked from Lily to Harry, confused. “How can you tell?” He wondered.

“Mother’s intuition.” Lily said, with an enigmatic smile that was oddly reminiscent of Euphemia Potter. Lily lowered her voice, conspiratorially. “Plus, between you and me, he’s always hungry around this time of night.” Sirius let out a short, half-hearted laugh, and they both headed to the door.

Before she turned down the hallway, Sirius placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. She turned around. “Thanks for...understanding.” Understanding wasn’t exactly the word, but he couldn’t think of a better one.

Lily smiled, but Sirius could see she was just as confused and exhausted as he was. “Of course, Sirius.”

 _Remember when the worst sibling drama we had came from passive-aggressive letters?_ Sirius thought, as he walked downstairs again, with Harry in his arms.

He entered the kitchen to find Regulus still floating above the kitchen table, and Remus pulling the cream out of the refrigerator. “Can you grab a bottle for this one, Remus?” Remus handed him the bottle, before shutting the fridge. Sirius zapped it with the warming charm that Lily had taught him, and started feeding Harry. He turned to Regulus “James and Lily are on their way down, so you can explain whatever’s going on.”

“Oh good.” Regulus stated dryly. “I’m sure they’ll both be thrilled to see me.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “C’mon Regs, don’t be like that.”

“Oh, please even you weren’t happy to see me.” Sirius was surprised there wasn’t more emotion behind those words. Then again, Regulus had always been fairly guarded.

“That’s not true! I was just...confused.”

“Confused about how I’d be stupid enough to show up?”

“What? Quit acting like a teenager, Reg.” Sirius immediately regretted saying that.

Regulus was staring at him, his face cold. Sirius had hit a nerve. _That’s what you get for speaking without thinking._ “I _am_ a teenager, Sirius. I’m always _going_ to be a teenager.”

 **James Potter** was woken up by a voice on the baby monitor. He lay in between sleep and waking for a few moments, before he got ahold of himself and listened to what the voice was saying. It was Sirius, he realized. “...sneak into my room and wake me up when he had nightmares. Not that I blame him for it. It's hard not to have nightmares in that house, and it's not like he could go to our parents about it. I mean, y'know how they were." James wondered who Sirius was talking to. He very rarely talked about his parents, and only with select people. 

James leaned over to his nightstand and picked up the monitor. He yawned as he spoke, still a bit groggy from sleep. “Lily, d’you know who he’s-”

“He’s talking to Harry.” He realized Lily was standing up, and pulling on her bathrobe. Sirius kept talking over the baby monitor, but it faded to background noise in James’ mind.

“Where’re you-” he began, but Lily cut him off.

“I’m just gonna make sure he’s okay. You know how hard it was for him, finding out about Regulus last year. Besides,” Lily paused to let out a large yawn. “I reckon Harry needs a bottle.” Lily was at the bedroom door, when she turned around. “Turn the monitor off, James.”

“What? Oh, right.” He clicked the monitor off, just as he heard Sirius mention Mum and Dad. Lily left, and James was alone with his thoughts.

He really missed his parents. It wasn’t the sort of thing he had seen coming. When he joined the Order, he’d made sure their house was safe, and put all sorts of protections and wards on it. Even with the wards, he and Sirius were both worried the Death Eaters could still get to them.

Which is why neither of them had seen Dragon Pox coming. There had been several months where they were hospitalized while Lily was pregnant. He wasn’t sure if they’d pull through, but the healers’ weren’t hopeful. It was less to do with the disease, and more to do with their age. Their immune systems just couldn’t fight it anymore. His parents had been a bit older when he’d been born, so maybe he should’ve expected that they would die when he was young.

He’d hoped they’d at least be able to meet the baby, but they’d died three months before Harry was born. He remembered when they found out. He hadn’t felt like himself. He was quiet, and didn’t make jokes at Order meetings, and barely paid attention to the quidditch matches on the wireless.

 _It’s too late for this._ He tells himself. _What time is it anyway?_ He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. One-twenty-three. _Definitely too late for this, then. Or early, rather._ He rolled over, and tried to fall asleep. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius. Did this really have to happen just one year after everything with Regulus? Of course, it’s better they knew about Peter sooner rather than later, but Sirius had already been a bit distracted by what day it was, he didn’t need all this nonsense on top of it. No wonder he’d been frustrated with Dumbledore.

James might’ve drifted off for a few seconds, because suddenly Lily was gently shaking his shoulder. “James, come on. You have to get up. We need to talk about things.” James moaned, and rolled over. _Haven’t we just established that it’s too early for this?_ “It’s important, James. I don’t know how, but...Regulus’ ghost is downstairs.” Well that had certainly gotten his attention. He sat up.

“What? How?” He demanded.

“I don’t know, Sirius said something about unfinished business? That’s all he told me. Remus is already up, and Sirius is taking care of Harry.”

James made an unintelligible noise, which he thought summed up his feelings far better than any words could. “Alright, let’s see what this is about.” He forced himself to get out of bed, and he and Lily made their way downstairs. They heard voices as they approached the kitchen.

The first voice was clearly Sirius’. “You know I didn’t mean it like that, Regs.”

“Quit calling me Regs, I’m not fifteen. Just because that was the last time you cared about me-” The second voice was less familiar, and must have been Regulus.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Then Remus spoke up. “Can’t you two just-”

“No. We can’t.”

“Whose side are you on, Moony?”

“I-” But apparently Sirius didn’t really care what side Remus was on, because he continued.

“Now what in Merlin’s name do you mean by ‘the last time I cared about you’?”

“Why don’t you figure out what it means, if you’re so smart and mature.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry for calling you immature, but I’m not the one showing up in the middle of the night, making cryptic statements about my own death.”

James and Lily exchanged a shocked look at that, both of their eyes wide.

“I know you don’t want me here!”

“Who said I don’t-”

“I know, okay? I know you’ve got your perfect life, with your ‘real brother’ James sodding Potter, and I know the last thing you wanted was for me to show up and ruin that, so why don’t you just help me, and I’ll be on my way.”

James hadn’t expected his name to get dragged into this, and suddenly felt guilty. Lily squeezed his hand just as they reached the kitchen door. They walked in on Sirius, clearly anxious, running a hand through his hair while he paced. Near him there was a young boy, who looked a little like Sirius, floating a few inches off the ground, and emitting a greenish glow. James assumed this was Regulus. Standing in the corner with Harry, giving him a bottle, was Remus. He gave James a weak smile, but seemed to be the only one who saw James and Lily enter.

“I-- Regs, _Regulus_ ,” Sirius corrected himself. “I can’t even begin. How could you think I don’t-- Nevermind, I just...you have to at least tell me what you need help with. I need you to tell me _something_. And _then_ we can talk about whether or not you’ll be on your bloody way.”

“That’s a bit of a double standard, Sirius. Did you ‘talk about it’ with me before _you_ left?”

The conversation was going in a dangerous direction, and Lily must’ve noticed it too, because she spoke up. “Excuse me!” Sirius and Regulus both stopped and turned to look at Lily. “We have some things to discuss. Why don’t we all sit down, and be _civil_?” The last bit was a posed as a question, but no one could be stupid enough to think it was optional. 

They walked over to the table, and Remus handed Harry to James. James wondered how Harry had stayed calm through all of that. He began to ask Remus, but Remus must’ve known what James was wondering, because he cut him off. “Muffliato charm. I could tell things were about to...escalate. Knowing how Sirius gets about...everything with his family.”

“Right. Say, you didn’t happen to turn on the kettle, did you?” If James didn’t get some caffeine in him soon, he was fairly certain he would die.

“Pads made coffee.” Remus offered.

“I love him.”

Remus laughed. “Don’t let Lily hear that.” _More like don’t let Regulus hear that, apparently._ James had no idea that Regulus was...what? Jealous? Was that even the right word? It all felt so complicated. He shifted Harry in his arms, and walked over to the table, to sit between Sirius and Lily. He avoided looking at Regulus, because frankly, the kid confused him. They’d all sat down, aside from Remus, who was pulling some mugs out of the cupboard, and Regulus, who was just floating near the head of the table.

The ghost turned to where Remus was pouring coffee, and politely said "I won't be having any, thank you, Remus."

Remus laughed, "Well, I'd figured that much out."

Sirius leaned back in his chair to look at the counter. "You've got an extra mug there, mate."

Remus looked at the mugs he'd set out and did a mental tally. "What? No, it's for…" he stopped suddenly, realizing his mistake. "...Peter." he whispered.

The room got quiet, and then Regulus cleared his throat. "Maybe we should start there? I...don't exactly have all the details about how it happened."

Sirius sighed, clearly tired of retelling the story. "Well…" He began.

 _Should we even tell him this?_ James wondered. "Hold on." He interrupted. "Are we sure we can even trust him? Last I heard he was a Death-Eater."

Lily placed a hand on his shoulder. “James,” was all she said, but he knew what she was trying to convey.

Sirius turned to him, and tried to be reassuring. "He defected, James. Trust me it's fine."

But that wasn’t good enough for James. “How do you know he’s telling the truth, though?”

That seemed to irritate Sirius, because he said, rather frustrated, “I just know, okay? I can just tell.”

“So you don’t think it’s a little odd that we had a spy in the Order, and as soon as we find out, your brother shows up to take his place?” He hadn’t meant it to come out that way, but it just felt like too much of a coincidence.

Lily reached into his arms and silently took Harry from him. She was whispering to the baby, trying to calm him. _Did I upset him?_ James felt bad, ironically enough he had just been trying to _protect_ his son.

Sirius was offended now, and was dangerously close to shouting. “Take his place? Take his place? James, do you really think Regulus would…” 

“Do we even know if it _is_ Regulus?” James was just trying to be cautious, but it came off rather aggressive. 

Sirius nervously tousled his hair. “Well, I- I’m pretty sure, I mean he…” But Sirius trailed off, lost in his own thoughts. _What could that mean?_

James gave him a look. “Pretty sure?” He asked. 

Sirius was clearly starting to panic, and Lily leaned over, to rest her hand on his. “It’s okay, Sirius, we’ll figure this out.” Lily had such a calming presence. James figured he probably should’ve let her take the lead on this, as she was really the only one Sirius mentioned his brother to. “We have ways of proving if it’s him.” She was speaking gently, but had the entire table’s attention, because she was simply like that… _perfect_ , James thought. _She was perfect._ “Now, obviously we can’t give him Veritaserum, but you could maybe ask him something? Something only Regulus would know.” 

James looked at Sirius’ face, and realized he seemed even more nervous. _Maybe he’s scared that it’s someone else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Going to be resuming a regular upload schedule as the holidays end.
> 
> Also, I just realized that our boy Reg is turning 60 this year. Unfortunately, we don't have a date, but I headcanon either Feb. 27 and Apr. 19, but don't ask me where those dates come from, because I have no idea. I know a lot of people headcanon it being in Leo season though. If you want, let me know what you think in the comments, and make sure to celebrate our underrated friend this year!


	6. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are discussed. Angst abounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: for Regulus having some suicide ideation again. If you find yourself feeling this way, please seek help.

December 29  
1:33 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **Sirius Black** was panicking. There was a knot in his stomach, and it was twisting tighter as everyone around the table stared at him. _“Something only Regulus would know.”_ If only it were that easy. They hadn’t talked in three years. Sirius really didn’t know his brother all that well. _And you’ve got no one to blame but yourself,_ said the voice in his head, which he wished didn’t sound so much like Regulus. He felt Lily squeeze his hand, and tried to calm himself down. He took a deep breath. _You can do this,_ he told himself, _you spent your entire childhood with him._ He was blanking on it, though. He avoided looking at Regulus, in case his brother caught on that Sirius didn’t know anything about him. One question popped into his mind, but he couldn’t ask that, could he? Everyone was looking at him, he could feel it. So he just asked the question.

“What did I say to you...the night I left?” He bit his lip. Why’d he ask that? _He already hates me for leaving, why’d I have to go and remind him what a jerk I was?_ As much as Sirius wanted the ghost to be his little brother, he didn’t want to hear those words come out of his mouth.

Regulus’ voice quivered for a moment, before he seemed to get his emotions under control. “You- You said that you’d see me on the train...and that you...hoped I was happy, and that you couldn’t stay. And you asked was this what I’d wanted.”

Sirius looked up at his brother, and immediately regretted it, his face looked almost void of emotion, and he had that distant look in his eyes. He was anxious though, Sirius could tell. He always fiddled with his sleeves like that when he got nervous. Sirius thought about that night. How he’d almost said something else, before he chickened out. Maybe if he’d just said it, just told his brother… He’d always said it wouldn’t have made a difference, but now he thought it just might have.

He shook himself out of his thoughts, and nodded at James.

James seemed satisfied with _who_ it was, but still didn’t trust Regulus. “And how do we know you’re on our side?”

Regulus rolled up his sleeve again, to show the slice through his Dark Mark. Sirius privately thought it was a tad dramatic, but that ran in the family.

James’ eyes widened. “That’s the symbol that...that Peter had.”

Regulus gave a single nod in his direction. “As you can tell, my...loyalties have changed. I did something to fight back before I died.” 

Sirius was struck by the gravity of the situation. He’d known Regulus had been dead for a year now, but since talking to him as a ghost, his brother had revealed that it had been...on purpose. That didn’t sit well with him. He wasn’t pleased with his baby brother running off and joining the Death Eaters, but the idea that Regulus had...what? Taken his own life? Walked to his death willingly? Was one worse than the other? Regulus had said that he didn’t trust the Order, but what about himself? Did he think Sirius would turn him in? _Would you have turned him in?_ he wondered.

“Reg, what...what exactly...happened to you?” Sirius asked.

Regulus hesitated, and then said, “I...I really do want to tell you, Sirius, I just...if I tell you that, I have to tell you...other things, and that would...well, you’d want to inform Dumbledore about those things, and...”

“And you don’t trust him?” Sirius finished.

Regulus sighed, “Not particularly, no. I have a few reasons, but mainly, I think he already knows what I found out. Or he suspects it. But he hasn’t done anything.”

“Well, what if he has?” Lily offered.

“We’d know.” Regulus answered with surprising certainty. “It...it would change everything if he’d done something about it. This entire war would just be...on a level playing field for once. We’d know, I’d know if he had bothered to do something.” The table was silent, as they all thought about what this could mean. _“This entire war”...“a level playing field”...“But he hasn’t done anything.”_

Sirius looked around the table. He made eye contact with James, and could tell immediately the two of them were on the same page. Then James turned to Lily. Sirius realized something, something he’d probably known for a long time and hadn’t thought about. James would choose a different path if it meant keeping Lily and Harry safe. Sirius couldn't quite grasp how he felt about that, and tried not to dwell on it for the time being. 

He looked to Remus, who was avoiding his gaze. Remus trusted Dumbledore, and not just with his life. He trusted Dumbledore with his soul. In Remus' eyes, Dumbledore kept him from hurting a student, kept him from becoming the murderer he was afraid to become.

Sirius cleared his throat, and spoke up. "I think it's at least safe for us to tell you what happened tonight, Reg." He glanced around the table, looking to one of his mates to explain, before realizing that he was the one who'd suggested it, so that responsibility fell to him. "Well, we had just had dinner…" and he began to recount, for the second time that night, how they had discovered Peter's betrayal. The others jumped in with their own memories, and they went back and forth, leaving out a few of the more personal details, until everything was out on the table, including Dumbledore's visit, and the conversation that had taken place. "...then we all turned in for the night, and I woke up to...you."

Regulus was quiet the whole time, but spoke up when Sirius finished. "My apologies, I hadn't meant to come at such a hectic time. You must understand, I believed there was a spy, and had to wait until I was certain it was safe." They all nodded slightly to acknowledge him, though they didn't feel much like talking.

Sirius spoke up. "Well, I guess it's your turn, Reg."

Regulus glanced around the table. "And you all will keep this a secret?" James and Lily exchanged a look.

"Of course," James began, "if you're lying to us about your loyalties, we won't be...keeping any promises to you."

Regulus nodded. "I'd expect as much."

Lily reached her hand out and linked it with James'. "Well, count us in." She declared. "This sounds...important."

All eyes turned to Remus. "Well, I...I want to help, it's just that I...well, that I _owe_ Dumbledore." Sirius sighed inwardly. He knew what Remus was thinking, and frankly, he found it ridiculous, and planned to tell his friend exactly that.

"Remus you don't owe him anything. Just because he-" Sirius stopped, and glanced at Regulus, then back to Remus.

"He knows." Remus muttered. "He figured it out."

Sirius raised an eyebrow at his brother. "Oh?" 

Regulus shrugged. "His hearing, the way he disappeared in school, always in the hospital wing…" He looked between James and Sirius. "And I don't know which of you came up with the name 'Moony' but it's not exactly subtle."

Lily smirked and elbowed Sirius. She'd said the exact same thing, and as it turns out--not that Regulus needed to know this--Sirius had come up with the nickname.

"But," Regulus continued, "I'll leave you all alone to talk." He floated through the window, and out into the backyard. There was a pause as they watched him go through the wall, and all remembered that he was, in fact, a ghost.

"He's changed since school." James remarked. "I mean, obviously. We all heave, a lot's happened. But he changed in more ways than one, y'know?" Sirius did know. Regulus had always been clever, but he'd been so poised. Uptight, even. And now he laughed, and made snarky comments, and...walked through walls for dramatic flair. He didn't know what to say about it though, so he turned to James and Lily.

"So, are you lot in on this? For real?" He asked.

James smiled at him. "Course we are! If this can really change things as much as he says, and if Dumbledore really knows and hasn't done anything...then we've got to. I mean, it's...we've got to." James repeated. Lily nodded, and Sirius knew what they were both thinking. Harry. The prophecy. Ending the war.

"And Remus," she began. "We won't force you to do anything, but...neither should Dumbledore. You don't owe him."

Remus seemed appalled she'd even suggest such a thing. "But Lily he's...he's _Dumbledore_ , he's the whole reason I could even go to Hogwarts. I would've never gone to school, I'd have never met _you guys_ , I wouldn't have-"

"Remus," Sirius interrupted. "He let you come to Hogwarts. And he gave you a place to transform. That's it. He's not responsible for every single good thing that happened to you in school."

"But I never would have-" Remus started, before Sirius interrupted yet again.

"Because by _that_ logic, he's also responsible for every single bad thing, which means it's all Albus Dumbledore's fault Clancy Goshawk broke your heart in seventh year." Remus blushed. "How dare he let that happen?" Sirius cried, in mock outrage. James laughed, and for a moment everything was familiar.

"What we're trying to say, Remus," James reassured. "Is that you deserved to go to Hogwarts. All that Dumbledore did was...treat you like a human being. You can't owe your life to everyone who treats you with decency."

Remus was clearly having none of it. "It's more complicated than that, and you both know it."

James raised an eyebrow. "Is it, though?"

"Yes, it is. You can't...dismiss everything Dumbledore did for me as, what 'treating me like a human being?' You just can't, Prongs."

James smirked that James-Potter-smirk of his. "Try me, Lupin."

Sirius glanced out the window, and saw Regulus was still floating in the yard. _Thank goodness,_ he thought. The thought surprised him. Was he worried Regulus would leave? He must have stared out the window longer than he meant to, because he felt Lily's hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at her, and she nodded at the window. "Go ahead. I've got these two." She whispered.

"I…" He started lamely.

"Go on." She urged, and then added with a wink, "Just don't go fixing _all_ your sibling drama. I can't be the only one, now can I?"

Sirius smiled. "Thanks, Lils." James and Remus had been deep in conversation, but looked up when Sirius stood, and walked to the back door. "Right, so I guess I'll just...go on out. And…"

James laughed. "Mate, it's just Regulus."

Lily hit James with a look, before turning back to Sirius. "Don't stress it. He's still your brother." That was the _opposite_ of helpful, because Sirius had said several times that he was in fact _not_ still his brother, and was wracking his brain to make sure Regulus had never been there to hear it. It was a stupid thing to say, but he'd been angry. Or maybe sad. Probably both. And even a little scared. Scared of what it would mean to have any emotional attachment to that side of the war.

He stepped out the door, and walked towards his brother's--because no matter how many times he'd denied it, he still saw Regulus as a brother--ghost. "Hey Reg."

Regulus looked down at him. Being a ghost finally gave him the height advantage. "Sirius." It was painfully formal.

"For a second there I was worried you'd...left or something." _And I would've missed you_ was what Sirius had been trying to convey. But Regulus didn't interpret it like that.

"No." He said. "I'm not the type to leave." There was an unspoken meaning behind the words, which came across loud and clear. And darn it if it wasn't a gut punch.

"Yeah?" Sirius knew as soon as he started talking he shouldn't have taken the bait. But it was too easy. "Well, _I_ , unlike some people, draw the line at being asked to join the Death Eaters." He looked into Regulus' eyes, and regretted it. He stared at the snow on the ground. It had certainly been too easy. He felt terrible. Regulus was trying to prove he'd changed, _had_ proved it, to some extent, and here he was, pointing out all his brother's mistakes. He tried to speak, but his voice came out as barely a whisper. "Reg, I-"

"Well," Regulus began, hotly. Sirius looked up, and found that Regulus had shifted from the sad guilt that he'd caused, to a white hot anger ( _which you also caused_ Sirius told himself). " _I_ , unlike some people," Regulus mimicked, "didn't have anyone to run away to." _What?_

 **Regulus Black** had always liked the stars. It was one of those things that came with being a Black--you knew your astronomy. Even before he could spot the constellations, he'd loved looking at the stars. Especially on a clear night, when they were just...everywhere. There had been so many nights like that when they stayed at the Manor, it was much better than the view from Grimmauld Place. 

According to their mother, it had to do with the light pollution in London, which was all the muggles' fault. Regulus wondered why they didn't move away from the muggles if mother hated living near them so much, but she said _"Children are to be seen and not heard."_ Later, Grandmother Melania told him it was because Grimmauld Place had been in the family for so long, and his mother was a strict traditionalist.

Regulus missed her. So much. And he missed Black Manor. All those nights stargazing with Sirius when they were little. He wished he could see the stars better, although they were clearer here than in London. Most of all though, he wished he could see the stars the way he used to. Just for the beauty of it, the childlike wonder. Now it felt like a puzzle he was trying to solve. His whole family tree sprawled out across the night sky, and he was trying to figure out where it had all gone wrong. How it had ended like this.

"Hey Reg." He turned, shook from his thoughts. Sirius had just come out the back door.

"Sirius." He answered, far too formally, because suddenly he was guarded. His shields were up, and he didn't quite know why.

"For a second there I was worried you'd...left or something." _What was Sirius getting at?_

"No. I'm not the type to leave." That was a stupid thing to say. Apparently he was incapable of making it through a conversation with his brother without bringing that up. _Maybe it's a ghost thing?_ he wondered. A voice in his head shot back, _Yeah, cause you just need to have an excuse for every mistake you make._

"Yeah?" Well, crap, he'd done it now. "Well, _I_ , unlike some people, draw the line at being asked to join the Death Eaters." Regulus vaguely registered that one of his long-held questions was answered. He finally knew for certain what Mother and Sirius had fought about that night. That meant Sirius had been asked to take the Mark, and had turned it down. Apparently the universe thought he needed more proof that Sirius was the better person.

And suddenly Regulus was mad. He hadn't been this mad since Kreacher returned to him, sopping wet and half-dead. _And,_ he thought, _you can get mad. This isn't a secret like it was with Kreacher. You can get mad._ He heard Sirius' voice whisper "Reg, I-" but he didn't care what Sirius had to say just now.

"Well, _I_ , unlike some people, didn't have anyone to run away to."

Sirius paused for a moment, before scoffing at that. "Don't be thick, of course you did. You had me, you had...Andy, and I'm sure Uncle Alphard would've helped you. Not to mention all your little Slytherin friends."

It was Regulus' turn to scoff. "My Slytherin friends whose mothers had tea with ours every weekend? Who were all itching to join up with the Dark Lord for themselves? Uncle Alphard, who always preferred you? Andromeda, who I couldn't have located even if she _wanted_ to see me because I hadn't been allowed to _mention_ her for five years?" He had sped up, and gotten louder, and Sirius' eyes had widened, apparently surprised that Regulus had so much volume in him. Regulus calmed himself down before saying "And I don't think...I don't think I could've just showed up at the Potter's house, I'm sure you'd have told them...what sort of person I was back then."

"Reg, I didn't...didn't say anything like that to them. And they wouldn't have turned you away, the Potters weren't like that."

"Well, still I…" Regulus started off strong, but lost the thought along the way. _Why can't he just understand?_ Then something about Sirius' words caught his attention. "Weren't?" He asked. It was cryptic, sure, yet Sirius knew what he meant.

"Yeah." He muttered, biting his lip. "Yeah, a few months after you. That was...a rough patch for me." Regulus tried to decipher the words. _Was it a rough patch because of me? Or the Potters? Or both? Probably just the Potters._ It was one thing finding out Sirius had thought about him, and ribbing him for it. It was something else entirely to think that Sirius had actually had a hard time when he died.

"Father passed as well. Several months before I did." Regulus had a lot of feelings he still needed to sort out regarding his father's death, but once he started talking, he couldn't stop. The words just spilled out. "He was sick, but he kept it secret for a long time. It was a muggle disease. Mother tried to keep that bit covered up, though. She didn't talk to me much after that. She was very withdrawn. I can't imagine her condition's gotten any better since I've...died." His gaze had drifted to the stars while he was talking, and now he looked back at Sirius. "Sorry. I know you don't really..." Regulus was at a loss for words, but Sirius seemed to understand his meaning. He simply shrugged.

"It's whatever." He couldn't tell if Sirius really meant that. "Have you seen her? Since becoming a ghost."

Regulus looked at the ground. It had a light dusting of snow. Sirius had left footprints. He himself, of course, had not. "I haven't. I don't reckon she'd be too pleased with me defecting. Some 'perfect pureblood son' I make, huh?" He hadn't _really_ meant to quote Sirius. The words had been ringing in his ears ever since that night, so often that he'd almost forgotten who'd said them. Almost.

Sirius sucked in a breath next to him. “Regulus, I never should have said that. I was angry, and I blamed you...for some reason. Cause I could handle you, I guess. I couldn’t take on Mother on my own, but you felt...manageable. Stupid, right?” Regulus didn’t think so, he rather thought it made sense. _I couldn’t take on the Dark Lord,_ he thought, _but a horcrux was manageable. But that’s because you’re a coward._ a voice in his head shot back, before he could push away the thought. “What I mean is,” Sirius continued, “It wasn’t your fault. Any of it.”

“No, it was.” Regulus said, surprising even himself. He looked back at the stars so he wouldn’t have to meet his brother’s eyes. “I stood by, I let it happen. I tried to tell you they weren’t that bad. Rather, tried to tell _myself_ they weren’t that bad, but that’s neither here nor there…” Because that’s what it had really been. Sirius came back over Christmas holidays, and essentially told Regulus that everything he thought he knew was wrong. That was a lot for a ten-year-old. So, Regulus had reacted the only way he knew how, and sided with their parents. He’d sided with his parents instead of his brother, but all he’d wanted was the familiarity they offered. The night Sirius ran away though, said familiarity stopped.

“Regulus, you were fifteen. No one should have to choose between their parents or their brother at fifteen.” Sirius’ voice had something in it that Regulus couldn’t recognize. Some kind of affection. Something that was so alien to him, but he knew shouldn’t be.

“Yeah, well,” Regulus let out a weak laugh, that had no real mirth behind it. “Maybe that’s why I made the wrong choice, huh?” He felt tears on his cheeks, which startled him, because he hadn’t known that he could feel anything (and as Regulus had never been the type to sneak into a girl’s bathroom, he was previously unaware that ghosts could cry). _Merlin, this is embarrassing._ He looked at the sky.

Sirius answered him, slowly. “It wasn’t...the wrong choice. I don’t blame you. I did, back then, but I was stupid.” _Weren’t we all._ Regulus thought. “I don’t blame you anymore. You know that, right, Regs?” 

Maybe it was the nickname that did it, or rather, the way Sirius said it, but Regulus felt a tightness in his throat. He had the all-too-familiar feeling that if he tried to speak he’d cry. He hadn’t felt it since childhood, and hated how vulnerable it made him. He didn't deserve this. He'd stood by while his parents had cursed Sirius. He told himself he didn't know what to do, but that was a lie. He knew exactly what to do, Sirius had done it for him for years, back when Regulus was still the spare child that Grandfather had insisted Walburga have, and Sirius was the heir. 

It was old habits that kept him staring straight ahead, avoiding eye-contact. If he was going to convince Sirius to help, he couldn’t show weakness, couldn’t let Sirius see him crying. When he had control of himself he spoke up again. “The sky’s clear tonight,” he said, making it obvious their previous conversation was over.

Sirius looked like he had something else to say, but must have realized Regulus didn’t want to talk about it anymore. “Yeah, it’s nice. We should...head back in. They’re probably done talking now, anyway.” 

He followed Sirius to the back door, when his brother suddenly stopped. Sirius turned around, and looked up at Regulus. Then he bit his lip and looked back down, kicking the snow with his boot. Regulus recognized his expression though. Sirius wanted to tell him something. “I missed you,” Sirius finally said, his voice tight. That was the last thing Regulus had been expecting, and just when he thought Sirius couldn’t shock him anymore, he kept talking. “Not when you died, I mean. Well, yes I did, obviously, but I meant...that night. When I left. I missed you so much, I mean, Merlin Regs, that first week at the Potter’s...” Sirius laughed, and Regulus thought that his brother might be crying just a little. “I was a wreck.”

Regulus anxiously fiddled with his sleeves, before swallowing the lump in his throat. “I missed you too, Siri,” he whispered. Because he had. He’d missed his brother so much, and seeing him again was...it was a lot of things, all at once, but mostly it was just a relief. He’d always assumed Sirius would never want to see him again. That was part of the reason he’d stayed away so long.

A small childish part of his brain wished Sirius could just hug him and tell him everything would be okay, like when they were kids. But they were adults. Regulus was a ghost. And things weren’t going to be okay anytime soon.

"C'mon, Reg." Sirius was giving him a weak smile. "You can tell us everything inside."

Regulus sighed. _Right. Telling everyone._ It wasn't that he was scared (although he was), he'd just rather not relive it all. He steeled himself and followed Sirius inside.

“There you two are!” Potter exclaimed from the other doorway. He seemed so genuinely happy to see them. _To see Sirius_ , a voice in his head told him. He pushed all those thoughts down, he didn’t need anything else on his mind. He floated back over to where he’d “sat” at the table earlier. Lily and Remus were sitting there, he noticed Lily wasn’t holding Harry, and figured her husband had just taken him upstairs. Sirius and Potter walked over and sat down, Sirius wrapping his hands around his mug of coffee.

“S’cold out there.” He murmured into his cup.

“I didn’t notice.” Regulus deadpanned. Lily and Remus laughed, and James looked confused for two seconds before he let out a small chuckle.

Sirius smirked, and rolled his eyes. “Prat.” He muttered.

After a few moments, the room got quiet, and something in the atmosphere shifted. There were a few expectant glances thrown his way, and Regulus knew he couldn’t put off telling his story any longer.

“I stole something. Something important. Kreacher has it now, he’s the one who-” Sirius let out a disapproving noise at the mention of the elf. Regulus fixed him with a glare. “Kreacher’s the one who told me about it. He- I suppose I’ll just start at the beginning. I joined the Death Eaters when I was sixteen. I didn’t do much until I was of age of course. Well, I tried to recruit some other students, but I couldn’t go on raids until I was seventeen. And…” He _really_ didn’t want to talk about the raids. “I was...surprised. I expected something more...civil. Organized. Stupid, I know. But it was chaos, people were being tortured, and dropping left and right. I should’ve known what I was getting myself into, but I didn’t.” He hung his head, and stared at the table. He couldn’t face them.

“I was able to fly under the radar for a bit, before Bella had to call attention to me. They made me…” _No._ He was done blaming everyone else for his mistakes. “ _I_...killed muggleborns. And muggles. Tortured them. I never...enjoyed it.” _Yeah, well doesn’t that just make you a saint._ “At some point I realized that it was all so...pointless. Somehow I figured out that this was all wrong, but it was too little too late. There’s no easy way out of the Death Eaters.

“The Dark Lord would...say things, he’d boast. I don’t think anyone else paid it any mind, not the way I did. I figured out he was, for all intents and purposes, immortal.” Everyone let out a small gasp at that, and Regulus took in the shock on their faces. “My thoughts exactly. Well, I only knew of one method to become immortal, and he’s certainly evil enough to do it.”

Sirius interrupted, “Regulus, you don’t mean…”

Regulus looked him in the eyes, and nodded. “Horcruxes.” Sirius swore loudly.

“What exactly is a horcrux?” Lily asked.

Regulus was prepared to answer, but Sirius interjected. “Dark magic. You basically...put your soul into an object. But you’ve got to kill someone to do it, and the ritual is...disgusting. Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“How do you know about it?” Remus questioned. “Surely Hogwarts wouldn't have any books on something like that.”

Sirius crossed his arms, and leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back two legs. “Father. Who else? One of the few lessons that's stuck with me. There were some...gruesome details. Remember those animagus books?” Potter nodded. _Animagus books?_ Regulus wondered, but he filed that question away for later. “Much worse.”

Potter grimaced. “Has anyone in your family ever…?”

“No.” Regulus answered. “The Dark Lord has dabbled in a branch of dark magic which The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black cautions its children against, if that gives you any idea what we’re dealing with.”

“Merlin and Morgana.” Sirius muttered, shaking his head. He turned and looked to Regulus, “What’d you do when you found out?”

“Well, I hadn’t exactly confirmed my suspicions. I was just trying to gather information. So when the Dark Lord asked for a house-elf, I...I volunteered Kreacher. Had I known what he would do…” Regulus really did regret offering Kreacher up like that. How could he have been so stupid? He should’ve known the Dark Lord had no respect for house-elves. Hadn’t he seen how he’d treated Dobby at Malfoy Manor? “I sent Kreacher with the Dark Lord, ordering him to come back and report everything to me. If I hadn’t been so specific, he’d be gone. He returned to me sopping wet and half-dead. He told me everything. There’d been a lake in a cave, a potion, inferi.” He heard a gentle thud as the front legs of Sirius’ chair returned to the floor. “All so the Dark Lord could hide a locket in the cave. It was Slytherin’s locket actually, or a replica, which I doubt, after seeing it with my own eyes. He wouldn’t have even been able to apparate out of there if it weren’t for house-elf magic. Well, needless to say, this essentially confirmed my suspicions. So I started making plans, went to the cave, and replaced the locket with a fake. Then I died, and I started to--.”

Sirius interrupted him. “I think you’ve skipped a few details there, Regulus.”

Regulus sighed internally. He’d really hoped no one would care that much. “What else do you want to know?”

Sirius seemed rather taken aback by the question. “Well, you could start by explaining how you died. You rather glossed over that part.”

Remus came to his defense. “Really Sirius, I can’t imagine he’d _want_ to talk about it.”

“It’s fine, Remus.” Regulus ran a hand through his hair, panicking, and regretting every decision he’d ever made ever. “I drank the potion. It made me...see things, but that’s not important.” He couldn’t tell Sirius what he’d seen. It wouldn’t be fair. It would just make Sirius think that he owed Regulus, when really it was the other way around. “It makes the drinker need water, so I went to the lake around me--the potion basin was on a sort of island--and I reached in to drink, and well...I guess the inferi took care of the rest.”

“Inferi? You...I--” Sirius was tripping over his words, he seemed rather upset. “Merlin Regs, for someone so smart, you are such an idiot. Why’d you go in there alone?”

“I wasn’t alone, I was with Kreacher,” Regulus calmly replied.

That only served to make Sirius more angry. “Kreacher? And he didn’t apparate you out of there? I’m going to wring that useless elf’s neck!”

“Sirius! Don’t say that! Kreacher’s a good elf.” Regulus, of course, had to come to his friend’s defense. “He only left me there because I ordered him to,” he added.

“And why,” Sirius seethed, “in Godric’s name, would you order him to leave you there?”

Potter tried to save the situation, but it was a little late for that. “Sirius, maybe we should all just calm down.” Regulus admired his intentions, but he had to know it was a lost cause.

“James, would you leave me alone with my brother, please?” It was odd. Overly formal, and not at all like something Sirius would say. Regulus was vaguely aware that he was doomed.

Potter, Remus, and Lily looked from each other, to him, to Sirius, before giving in and leaving the room.

Regulus tried not to appear nervous, but he had no idea where this was going. “Sirius-” he began, only to be cut off.

“What is your problem, Regulus? Why on earth would you just...throw your life away like that, huh? That was _such_ a stupid thing to do, Kreacher could’ve apparated you out of there, or you could’ve cast an aguamenti for Godric’s sake, or…”

“There probably would’ve been charms against summoning water.” Regulus defended. It was rather half-hearted, though.

Sirius looked at him, his gray eyes unblinking. “Did you try?” Regulus didn’t answer, which must have all but confirmed it in Sirius’ eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just try it? It’s like you wanted to…” Sirius stopped mid-sentence, and stared at him for a few seconds, before his gaze softened. “Regs,” he whispered.

“I’d be in too much danger if I survived. There, happy?” Regulus snapped. “I’m just a stupid coward who wanted to die on his own terms. You don’t need to read into it that much.” He tried to keep the guilt out of his voice, but was pretty sure he’d failed.

“I refuse to believe, for one second, that you’re a coward.” Sirius calmly replied. That was possibly the last thing Regulus expected him to say. In fact, it was the opposite of what he’d expected Sirius to say.

“What? I’m not…” and in a moment of pure stupidity, Regulus actually said what he was thinking. “I’m not _you,_ Sirius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Oh, also! ...did anyone catch my TLAT reference?


	7. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys aren't gonna believe this, but Sirius and Regulus start fighting...
> 
> Angst? In _my_ fanfiction?  
> You must be new here, of course there is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: This chapter also has some suicide ideation. I know I've said it before, but if you feel like this, please seek help, because you are a wonderful person, who deserves every second of life. And this is maybe a sub-category of that trigger, but there's a lot of arguing between the bros about the "suicide mission"
> 
> I don't believe there's anything else in this chapter, but as we are 7 chapters into this fic (or six and a prologue, whatever floats your boat) I want to re-extend my invitation to please let me know if there is anything triggering that you want me to tag! You don't have to explain yourself to me, just let me know what the trigger is, if any, down in the comments!
> 
> Thanks and Enjoy!

December 29, 1980  
2:27 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

**Sirius Black** was mad. He didn't know what else to feel. Hearing about this mysterious cave, and how Regulus had died. _Inferi? Merlin._

What really set him off, was how little Regulus seemed to care. Honestly, the kid (and he was a kid) was more upset at the thought of Kreacher being hurt. And Regulus had ordered the elf to leave him behind? A small part of him wanted to grab his brother by the shoulders, shake him, and demand answers. But Sirius wasn't his father, and he could never do that to Regulus. Regulus, who had clearly been through so much already. Sirius just didn't know _what exactly_ he'd been through, and wasn't that the problem?

He took a deep breath, which really only gave the _illusion_ that he was calm, and continued. "And why, in Godric's name, would you order him to leave you there?"

James placed a hand on his elbow. "Sirius, maybe we should all just calm down." 

Sirius loved James--like a brother, ironically enough--but he had never quite understood the relationship between Sirius and Regulus.

Sirius sometimes wondered how much of that relationship came from just being brothers, and how much was the solidarity that came with growing up in Twelve Grimmauld Place together.

The point was, James just didn't quite get it. "James, would you leave me alone with my brother, please?" Everyone looked at each other before leaving Sirius and Regulus alone in the kitchen. He watched them walk out, and saw Regulus toying with his sleeves again out of the corner of his eye.

“Sirius-” his brother began, but Sirius was already rounding on him.

“What is your problem, Regulus?” Regulus shrunk back the slightest bit, and perhaps Sirius could’ve been gentler with him, but he was simply livid right now. “Why on earth would you just...throw your life away like that, huh? That was _such_ a stupid thing to do, Kreacher could’ve apparated you out of there, or you could’ve cast an aguamenti for Godric’s sake, or…” He was about to think of another example, before Regulus interjected.

“There probably would’ve been charms against summoning water,” he defended, without much conviction. His voice seemed smaller.

_Probably,_ Regulus had said. “Did you try?” Regulus didn’t meet his gaze, and didn’t answer the question. He didn’t really have to though. “Why wouldn’t you just try it?” Sirius demanded. “It’s like you wanted to…” No. No no no. Absolutely not. _It didn’t make any sense,_ Sirius thought. But it did. It made _too much_ sense. He stared at his little brother, his baby brother whom he had promised to protect, and he tried to ignore all the pieces that fit together. _It’s all your fault,_ he told himself. _You left him. You’re the reason he didn’t have anyone. He couldn’t even trust you, and now he’s dead._ There were a thousand and one things that Sirius wanted to say, but he couldn’t put any of it into words just yet. He might not ever be able to. “Regs,” he whispered gently, softly.

Regulus brushed it off. “I’d be in too much danger if I survived. There, happy?” _Not particularly._ “I’m just a stupid coward who wanted to die on his own terms. You don’t need to read into it that much.” There was something in Regulus’ voice that Sirius couldn’t quite place, not that he spent the time to decipher it. 

“I refuse to believe, for one second, that you’re a coward,” he shot back, because _really? Stealing from Voldemort? Going up against potions, and inferi, and Merlin knows what else?_ Regulus had more guts than he realized.

“What? I’m not...I’m not _you,_ Sirius.” Regulus looked away as he said it, seeming embarrassed.

"So what?" Sirius tried. " _I_ think you're brave, Reg. I just wish…" What did he wish? 

He wished Regulus had come to him first, that they could've figured out a way for him to survive. He wished that Regulus had come to him when their parents asked him to join the Death Eaters. He wished that Regulus had seen he had options. He wished that he'd _given_ Regulus options. He wished that he could've been there for his brother. _He wished that he had told Reg that he loved him that night._ But he couldn’t say that now, could he?

“I just wish you would have asked me for help,” he said instead, because maybe it wasn’t the whole truth, but it was certainly true.

“I’m asking you for help now!” Regulus exclaimed, affronted by Sirius’ suggestion. _Agrippa, he really doesn’t get it, does he?_

“After you _died,_ idiot!” Sirius knew that that was rather harsh. It wasn’t all _entirely_ Reg’s fault, but really, did he have no shred of respect for his own life? “Could you not have at least _tried_ to survive the stupid, bloody cave? I would have helped you, you know, and then you could be standing here sodding _alive_!”

Regulus scoffed. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that. If anyone knew what I’d figured out I’d be in trouble. I’d be hunted down by the Death Eaters for knowing too much, and if I were lucky, which historically, I have not been, then I’d have had a chance to explain my situation to the Order of the Phoenix, but like I said, I don’t trust Dumbledore, so I likely would have opted out of that, anyways. Not to mention you would be even more sought after by the Death Eaters, and if you’re wondering you’re already pretty high on Bella’s list, because she’s psychotic, and on top of that, you might have had to keep this all a secret from the Order, so they would become even more suspicious of you.” Sirius opened his mouth to question that, but Regulus kept talking. 

“Yes, I said more, I don’t believe for one second that the so called “Light Side” has taken to you all that well, because as open minded as they are, or claim to be, some of them still can’t see past your surname, and don’t seem to care that you didn’t want it in the first place. Am I correct?” Sirius nodded, stunned at Regulus’ intellect. Not that it was an altogether unfamiliar feeling. Regulus had always been smart. _Probably got straight O’s on his N.E.W.T.S._

“Essentially, we’d both wind up on the run, hunted by both sides, trying to figure out how to destroy the horcruxes without burning ourselves alive. And of course, that’s only if we assume that you’d agree to help me.” Regulus finished. Sirius figured he should be out of breath, before remembering his brother was, in fact, a ghost.

“I’ve already said, I would’ve helped you!” Sirius shouts. _And you wonder why he didn’t want to come to you with this,_ he berated himself. _Oh, well I’m sorry, was I supposed to just not care that my little brother went on a _suicide mission_?_ he shoots back. Then he remembers why he’s in this situation in the first place, and shakes himself out of the argument with the voices in his own head. “I would’ve helped you,” he repeats, quieter this time.

“Maybe.” Is all Regulus has to say to that. “It doesn’t really matter either way, we’ll never know now, so I don’t see why you’re obsessing over it.”

“Because, I need to understand why you as good as killed yourself when you could’ve come to me.” Sirius felt his voice rising.

Regulus moved back a bit at that, before steeling himself like the Pureblood Aristocrat he is...was. “I just explained why, and I did not kill myself, as I’ve already told you...”

“Augh!” Sirius interrupts, loudly. “Regulus, can’t you just…” he sighs, and rubs his hands over his face as he tries to think, searching for the words, trying to say something more eloquent than _‘can’t you just give a crap about your own life for once?’_ He’s distracted by what Regulus said though. “Wait. Earlier you said ‘the horcruxes.’ Plural.”

Regulus winces, shuts his eyes, and bites his lip, clenching all his muscles together, as if that could stop the words he’d already said from escaping. Because he clearly hadn't meant to say that. “Yes.” He whispers in frustration.

Sirius began pacing. _Multiple horcruxes?_ He would have assumed that was impossible. He’d never read anything about it, but he had a feeling Voldemort just may be the first to do it. He let out a violent string of curses before he turned back to Regulus. “How many?”

Regulus took a deep breath, and began rambling again. “It’s just a theory as of now, but the evidence is rather…”

“Regulus.” Sirius interrupted, staring right into his eyes. “How. Many?” He asked again, deliberately.

Regulus winced again, which Sirius did not find reassuring. “I think three.”

Sirius let out a small gasp, before clenching his fists. “Three? Who could be stupid enough to make three? Who could even do _that_ three times?”

“Are you really surprised?” Regulus asked. “You know who we are dealing with.”

“No, not surprised. Disgusted, yes, but I don’t suppose I’m all that surprised. And you couldn’t have said something sooner?” The last came out rather accusatory.

“Well, I was going to before you started shouting at me for no good reason.” Regulus shot back with false casualness.

“ _No good reason_? Merlin, Reg, do you hear yourself? You went on a sodding suicide mission with no one but Kreacher for company, and I have no good reason to be _upset_?” Sirius was shouting again, and wasn’t that just perfect? Wasn’t that just how all conversations seemed to go between the two of them?

Regulus stood his ground, because while he wasn’t nearly as loud as Sirius, he was certainly as stubborn, if not more. “It wasn’t a suicide mission!” There was desperation in his voice, and Sirius wondered if Reg really believed that.

Sirius folded his arms across his chest. “Which of us are you trying to convince?” He challenged, with a raised eyebrow.

**Lily Potter** could understand sibling drama. She got it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. However, she couldn’t help but feel a little bit out of her element as Sirius and Regulus argued. Partly because she was filled with so many questions (How do horcruxes work? How do they get rid of it? How could Dumbledore not have done anything? Where was Regulus for the past year?), but also because, well, it was an unfamiliar situation. Because Regulus was...dead. Which, speaking as someone who’d grown up in the muggle world, seems like it should have stopped the brothers from arguing. 

Of course, she’d known ghosts existed for a while, since she was eleven, yet she’d never considered that someone she knew would become one (not that she would say that she _knew_ Regulus, because really she just knew _of_ him), nor had she ever seen ghosts interact with the living so...naturally, but of course, that made sense for people that they had known in their life. She supposed she’d just never met a ghost who died recently enough to have anyone to talk to. Perhaps Moaning Myrtle, but those people wouldn’t have been at Hogwarts.

She’d talked to Sirius about his brother on multiple occasions, and he’d always said that the two of them didn’t talk much anymore. There had been a few fights here and there in those later school years, when she was friends with the Marauders, and if she thought about it there may have been a few she walked past in the halls when they were younger. Anyways, the two boys started avoiding each other more and more. Sirius was really upset about it in their seventh year, he didn’t think he’d see much of Regulus after he left school. Lily was in a similar boat, Petunia was refusing to tell Vernon that Lily was a witch, and Lily suspected that it was a plan to keep Lily from visiting too often. _“As if I’d even want to,”_ she’d always say to Sirius, who would nod and say _“Exactly.”_ as if the both of them didn’t miss their siblings like crazy. Besides, they both knew exactly what the other was feeling, and they both knew that the other knew. So why bring it up at all?

She was lost in her own mind, puzzling over horcruxes, and ghosts, and Sirius and Regulus, and their relationship, and her and Petunia, and _their_ relationship, and everything was all jumbled together in her brain.

She was in the sitting room with James and Remus, having just left Sirius and Regulus alone together in the kitchen. James and Remus were talking in hushed voices about what they’d just found out. Neither of them had ever read anything on horcruxes before, and they were trying to puzzle out exactly how they worked. Every now and then they caught a bit of the boys’ conversation from the kitchen. James always looked at her when they did, silently asking if they should intervene. They hadn’t _yet_ , and it seemed things had finally calmed down.

“Thank goodness.” James said when Lily pointed this out. He was holding Harry, who was somewhere in between being awake and asleep. “Is that much yelling normal?” The question seemed to be directed at Lily. Apparently she was an authority on this subject matter.

She sighed. “It’s a...complicated situation. And we all know Sirius can be…” she was trying to find the words, when the yelling started again, though they only caught bits and pieces.”

“No good reason? Merlin Reg,”...“sodding suicide mission”...“good reason to be upset?” Lily stood up, and headed to the kitchen, James and Remus following close behind.

“It wasn’t a suicide mission!” They heard Regulus say. Lily saw Sirius cross his arms, wearing that smug look he got when he knew (or thought he knew) he was right about something. This conversation clearly was not going to end well.

Understatement of the century, because as it turns out, it ended horribly. “Which of us are you trying to convince?” Sirius snarked. Sweet Circe, he just couldn’t leave well enough alone.

Regulus had an odd look on his face which Lily didn’t bother to identify. She tried to save him from having to answer (or delay it, rather. Sirius was persistent when it came to people he loved, and however much these boys tried to deny it, Regulus was one of those people.) “Can we please get back on track?” She spoke calmly, or at least thought she did. “I know this is...complicated for you two, emotionally, but-”

“It- it is not.” _Rookie mistake, Evans,_ she thought, _you should know by now not to imply that Sirius Black has emotions._ Sirius was still trying to deny it. “You think I care that-”

“Yes, I think you do.” She cut in, quickly enough that Sirius was practically gaping at her. She took his silence as an opportunity to actually finish her sentence. “But, as I was saying, I think we have more important, life-threatening, war-ending things to focus on.” She looked between the two brothers, her eyes daring them to challenge her. Regulus looked almost _grateful_ that she’d interrupted, and that was concerning. She could talk to him later, but she didn’t know him that well. Of course, the only one who did was Sirius, and letting Sirius talk to him hadn’t been a smashing success. For the moment, she settled for just being polite, and smiled at the ghost. “You were saying, Regulus? After you died…?” She prompted.

Regulus looked a bit nervous, and Lily saw he was clearly avoiding eye contact with his brother. “Yes. After I died, well, I _didn't_ die, technically. Ghosts are complicated, and I don’t quite understand the magical theory behind it, I’m guessing it has to do with soul magic. Not in the same way as horcruxes, though. For the sheer amount of ghosts in the wizarding world, and at Hogwarts alone, you’d think more people would have researched them…” He looked around at everyone, and started a bit. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I just...nevermind. Right, sorry, the horcruxes.” Lily was vaguely aware of Regulus’ use of a plural word, and turned to look at James and Remus. They were, in turn, looking at her. _So they heard it as well._ She shrugged at them. Hopefully Regulus would explain.

“Well, after I...came back, I guess, I was still in the cave, so I went to find Kreacher. I’d given him the locket, you see. And, well, that took awhile, ghosts can’t apparate, so I just had to...float around. We’d apparated to the cave, of course, so I had to find my way around. It was near a muggle town, so it took a while to find someone who could see me, and ask for directions. The point is, I made it to London, and I of course had to check for Mother before I could talk to Kreacher, because you know she’s in contact with Cissa and Bella. Our cousins, Narcissa and Bellatrix.” He added, when he saw the others confused looks. “Eventually she left Kreacher alone to have tea with some politician, or murderer, or both. She hasn’t left the house as much since Father…She hasn’t left the house much.” Lily wondered if his father had died. Sirius hadn’t mentioned it, but of course, Sirius _wouldn’t._

Regulus cleared his throat, and continued. “So, I found Kreacher, and we...talked. It had been about a month at this point, so he was rather...surprised to see me.” Regulus seemed almost choked up about this. Were there tears in his eyes? _That’s odd,_ Lily thought, _I’ve never seen a pureblood who cared much for their house-elf._ It only lasted for a moment, though, as Regulus straightened his back, and held his head up like the boy she remembered from Slug Club and prefect meetings.

“We needed someplace to go, away from mother. Not to mention all the portraits at Grimmauld. Thankfully there weren’t any in the kitchen, but it would attract attention. I needed somewhere abandoned, and, well, I thought it might be good to talk to other ghosts. I wasn’t stupid enough to go to Hogwarts, of course, but I tried the Shrieking Shack. Believe it or not, it actually isn’t haunted.” Lily looked between the other men in the room. They were all smirking at each other.

“I believe it.” Remus dead-panned. Sirius and James snorted at that. Lily rolled her eyes, and tried to be exasperated, but really, it was rather funny. Regulus looked between all of them, clearly confused.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Well of course it’s not haunted anymore.” James told him, still chuckling. “We’ve got the ghost right here!” He gestured to Remus by way of explanation, which only served to confuse Regulus more.

“I’m sorry, what are you all trying to--”

“Moony’s the ghost, Reg.” Sirius offered. “ _He_ haunted the Shack. ‘Bout once a month.”

“Wh-- Oh!” Regulus finally got it. “You were...and if that was where you...that explains a _lot_.” Remus looked confused, and slightly nervous at that. Regulus must have noticed, because he elaborated. “Just some claw marks, broken furniture, the like. Of course, we’d raided the family library before we left.”

“Oh, of course.” Sirius remarked, rolling his eyes. Regulus glared at him.

“We went through the library, made a list of books that might help. We couldn’t take them all at once, that would arouse suspicion, but I had Kreacher make a list, and we took a few at a time. So we set to work. It was slow, cause I needed him to flip through the books, and hold them up for me. There was, of course, no form of house-elf magic that could destroy a horcrux, and I had to stop Kreacher from punishing himself. He honestly thought he’d failed me, and I don’t think house-elves take orders from ghosts in _quite_ the same way. He hurt himself pretty bad a few times, and it was hard to stop him. I tried to tell him it was all my fault, and I never should’ve given him that order in the first place, but you know how he is about accepting blame.” The last bit seemed to be directed to Sirius, as he was the only one who knew the elf in question.

Regulus was clearly more comfortable with this part of the story, because he kept talking faster as he went through it, and didn’t seem as nervous. “Anyways, this all got me thinking about the day the Dark Lord requested Kreacher in the first place. He’d asked Bella and Lucius to stay after that meeting. I talked to Bella shortly after, and she said she was proud I’d volunteered Kreacher, it would bring honor to the family, and all that. She said ‘Maybe soon he’ll trust you as much as he trusts me, Reggie.’ She actually called me Reggie, and I wanted to vomit. Sorry, that’s not important. Anyways, she kept going on about how much he trusted her, and how he’d given her an...antique to put in her Gringotts vault.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Why doesn’t the so-called Dark Lord have his _own_ Gringotts vault?”

Regulus grinned. “That’s the best part. I’m getting there. So, I thought maybe this antique, might be another horcrux, which meant that, well it meant the Dark Lord is insane, but that was hardly new information at this point.” Lily didn’t know much about horcruxes, but based on how Regulus and Sirius had reacted, she knew that making one was bad enough. _What would happen to someone who made more?_

But she didn’t have time to dwell on that, because Regulus was talking even faster, as if he gained momentum the more he went. “ _It meant_ I had an awful lot more research to do. Essentially, I figured I should look into the Dark Lord’s lineage, and try and find another heirloom. Well, assuming he was telling the truth when he told Kreacher that the locket was an heirloom, and I think he was--he’s not the type to lie to impress someone he would consider below him--then he would be a descendant of Slytherin.”

James spoke up. “I thought that line was extinct. Since the eleventh century. I mean, they certainly aren’t listed on the Sacred Twenty-Eight, and I doubt they could be excluded for being ‘blood-traitors’” Lily was rather lost, at this point.

Remus leaned in next to her, and muttered under his breath. “Careful, James, your pureblood is showing.” Lily bit her lip.

“Can’t be worse than the toaster incident.” She whispered back, and was rewarded by a light snort. Which was impressive when it came to Remus, he was tough to crack.

The both of them focused back on Regulus, who was saying, “No, but the Gaunts are.”

Sirius shook his head. “Their last male heir died in Azkaban.” Sirius seemed just as shocked as everyone else that that had come out of his mouth, and he smacked himself in the face. “Ugh, why do I _remember_ that?”

Regulus chose to ignore Sirius’ exclamation, in favor of the previous statement. “Yes, but there was a daughter, and some sources from the muggle town they lived near say that she married a muggle named Tom Riddle.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “Are you saying Voldemort’s a half-blood? Can I be the one to tell Bella?”

Regulus gave the slightest smile at that. “Yes, he is, but we are not telling Bella...yet. And if we do, I get to be the one to tell her.” Sirius turned his lips down in a mock-pout, and stuck his tongue out at Regulus, who reciprocated by flipping him off. This was the most normal Lily had seen the two of them act thus far.

"Anyways, I started wondering if Lucius also had a horcrux…”

James' face was somewhere between shock and exhaustion. " _Three_ horcruxes?" He asked, managing to sound incredulous, as well as completely done.

Regulus nodded at him. "Essentially, once I came up with all this, I...realized Kreacher and I needed help. I'd heard there was a spy in the Order of the Phoenix--Kreacher overheard Bella bragging to Mother about it over tea one afternoon--so I wasn't sure if I could go to you," Regulus seemed to be speaking directly to Sirius, though he was avoiding his eyes. "but I thought I might...I don't know, look around or something," Regulus ducked his head, and nervously rubbed the back of his neck, "and I saw some of what happened tonight through a window, and I figured it would be safe to approach you." Sirius was looking at him. Studying him. This seemed to only make Regulus more nervous. "Sorry." He added, meekly.

Sirius scrunched up his face. "For what?" Regulus just shrugged in response. Lily felt like she was intruding on something, and looked away, silently exchanging looks with James and Remus. "Reg-"

Regulus interrupted his brother, his voice near-emotionless this time. "We have a lot of work to do, Sirius." Lily recognized the all-too-familiar signs of trying to avoid a conversation. Sirius had a lot of the same mannerisms. Perhaps the Black brothers weren't as different as they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today might be Regulus' 60th birthday, but we don't know, cause _somebody_ *glares at Jo* didn't tell us.
> 
> Happy Maybe-Birthday to Regs!
> 
> (Comment what you headcanon his birthday as, I'm very curious)


	8. Maturity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, for once. There's angst too, but let's focus on the fact that there's some actual fluff in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist tossing in a bit of Jily. There'll probably be plenty more of these two to come.  
> TW for one mention of Regulus "killing himself" it doesn't get into the suicide ideation much, but it is referred to as a suicide. There are also mentions of Walburga blasting Sirius of the tree, and running away, but nothing graphic.

December 29, 1980  
4:58 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **James Potter** could really use a nap. According to the kitchen clock it was around five a.m., and he was simultaneously exhausted and wide awake. That’s what he got for drinking coffee at two o’clock, but really, what are you supposed to do when your best friend’s brother’s ghost shows up at your house in the middle of the night? Besides, as if he could even fall asleep with all this information. Horcruxes, lineages, not to mention everything with Peter. His brain was swimming with information, his thoughts were going faster than he could put them into words.

The others seemed to be in about the same situation, because for better or worse they all decided to stay awake, and start planning. Sirius and Regulus were avoiding each other, because apparently that was how the Blacks dealt with their feelings.

James yawned, and sipped his coffee. Everyone else yawned in response, and followed suit. Regulus yawned too, which was weird, but whatever. Apparently Regulus himself didn't understand ghosts, so James wasn't gonna try.

He heard Harry crying from upstairs, and forced himself to get up and walk upstairs to the nursery.

He walked in and found Harry lying in his crib. "Hey there, buddy," he whispered, trying to sound calm and soothing, and not dead on his feet. Harry kept crying. James reached into the crib to pick him up, bouncing him slightly. "Hi! Hi there!" He pitched his voice up, adopting the cheerful tone Lily always used. Harry stopped crying for a moment, and blinked at his dad. James smiled. "How's my little man doing?" Harry took a breath, and kept crying. Dang it. "Aww, what's wrong, buddy? You need a diaper change?" James inhaled through his nose. “Yuck. You most certainly do.” After he finished changing him, James picked him back up. "All better? That's my boy. Yes it is, that's my little boy." He heard a laugh from the doorway, and turned around. It was Lily, smirking at him. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Lily said, with that knowing smile that was just so...Lily.

"What?" James insisted.

Lily laughed, walking over to him. "Nothing. You're just cute is all."

"Me, or the baby?"

"Yes," Lily said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. James pulled her into him with his other arm, and kissed the top of her head. Lily tilted her head back to look at him. “You’re a great dad.”

James grinned down at her and Harry. “Well, you’re a great mom.” He noticed the way Lily chewed on her lip. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” she answered, feigning distraction.

“Lil,” he pressed. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing...The prophecy.” James sucked in a breath. _Yep, that’d do it._ “This whole war has just been...so much, James. And now there’s...horcruxes, and Peter, and I don’t know if we can even trust Dumbledore, but he’s the one who told us about the prophecy in the first place, and…” There were tears glistening in Lily’s eyes now. “And with everything between Sirius and Regulus, I just can’t stop thinking about me and Tuney.” That seemed to be the tipping point, and the tears spilled over.

James set Harry down in his crib, and pulled his wife into a tight hug. “Hey, it’s okay Lil. Shh, it’s all gonna be alright.” Lily kept sobbing. James was surprised, Lily rarely broke down like this, and she was usually far too stubborn to let him take care of her.

“I just-- I’m sick of it. I’m too magical for Petunia, and not magical enough for everyone else, and I’m so tired of being a _freak_ and a _mudblood_ , and on top of it all, I have to be _Lily sodding Evans_ who's positive, and upbeat, and lets it all just roll off her back.”

“Well, need I remind you, you’re not ‘Lily sodding Evans’ anymore, are you? You’re Lily sodding Potter, who fights in the Order, and yells at Alastor Moody when he won’t let her on missions for being five months pregnant, kicks Death Eater behind on a regular basis, and...just so happens to be my beautiful wife.” Lily looked up at him with a weak smile. “Petunia doesn’t know what she’s missing. She’ll either figure it out, and come round, or she’ll keep living a sad, pathetic, Lily-less existence.”

“James, please.” Lily rolled her eyes.

“It’s true! But I’ll cut the jokes. She wants you in her life, I’ll bet you anything. She’s just too stubborn to be the first to give in.”

“Well, I _would_ be the first to give in, if she didn’t want me to give up my entire life,” Lily griped.

“I know, love,” James sympathized. He pulled her a bit closer.

“I...what if she doesn’t come round in time? What if we…”

“We know a lot more than we did last night. We’re gonna make a plan. We’ll figure this out.” He bent over and kissed her on the nose. “Alright?”

Lily smiled, “Alright.” She kissed him back. The two had grown up all too fast, but no matter what, when it came to the other, they somehow managed to stay the lovestruck teenagers they’d been since seventh year. As they kept kissing, James dipped his wife, and she laughed. And thank Godric for that, because James needed to hear her beautiful laugh. To know that there was still happiness and joy inside of her, and he could get it to come out if he tried.

 **Remus Lupin** was deep in thought before Sirius snapped him out of his reverie, making him completely forget whatever aspect of the night’s chaos he’d been thinking about. “How much d’you wanna bet Prongs and Red are having a snogfest upstairs?” Sirius asked.

He rolled his eyes. His friends were incredibly immature. “Really, Sirius? Betting on Prongs and Lily? Really, they’re married. They can do whatever they like, I don’t care. Besides I doubt they are.”

“Well if you’re so sure, put some sickles behind it,” Sirius snarked.

It _had_ been a long night though. Perhaps they’d earned the right to be a bit immature. “A galleon,” Remus said, before he could regret it.

“That’s the spirit, Moony!” Remus sighed, and turned back to his coffee.

“When do we start planning?” He asked.

Sirius sighed. “As soon as those two get down. I told Reg that he should ask their permission before bringing his horrid minion of a house-elf into their home. He didn’t like that idea much.”

“Well, did you phrase it that way when you told him?” Sirius looked indignant about the suggestion, but didn’t protest it.

“Yes,” Regulus answered for him, as he floated into the kitchen. “He did.”

“Where were you, anyways?” Sirius snapped. Remus smiled to himself. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Sirius was almost _worried_ about his little brother.

“Checking the bookshelves.” Regulus answered, his tone ever so slightly superior. Sirius had talked like that sometimes, when they first met him. Eleven-year-old Sirius had been… _interesting._

“Nerd,” Sirius teased. Regulus decidedly did not appreciate that.

“I was _trying_ to see if Potter has any books that could be of use in the research. There were some interesting titles, but nothing pertaining to this particular branch of magic.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “What a surprise. The Potter’s don’t own any books on illegal dark magic. Who saw that coming?” Remus thought the sarcasm was rather unnecessary. Of course, he had been an only child. Perhaps siblings were just sort of...like that. Or rather, perhaps _Sirius_ was just “like that.”

“Well, I’m terribly sorry for trying to be thorough. I was under the impression you wanted this war to end,” Regulus snarked.

“Yeah, that’s why _I_ joined the Order,” Sirius snapped. _Sweet Circe, do these two ever stop?_

“That’s enough,” Remus heard himself say. He wasn’t loud, per say, but he _was_ forceful. The lads had always called it his “prefect voice.” Oddly enough it worked. Both brothers looked away, and avoided eye contact. “Not another word out of either of you. I’ll get James and Lily.”

Remus started up the stairs and towards the nursery. When he opened the door, James was dipping Lily, and they were...making out. _Merlin and Agrippa_. He cleared his throat.

“Hey, Remus!” James exclaimed. “We were just…” he made eye contact with Lily, and the two burst out laughing. James’ grip on Lily must have weakened, because she stumbled a bit. James steadied her, and they both kept laughing.

Remus tried to be annoyed at them, but found himself laughing the slightest bit. “Get downstairs, losers.” Lily made a face at James before walking out of the nursery.

“Remus, you’re not gonna...mention this are you?” James asked.

Remus tried not to smile. “Get your kid and get a move on, Potter,” he deadpanned.

James picked Harry up out of his crib. “Fine, be that way, Lupin.” He stuck his tongue out at James as he walked past. Remus followed James back downstairs, marveling again at how immature they all could be.

It struck him that maybe he had it backwards. Maybe they weren’t immature for their age, maybe everything else they were doing--having kids, fighting a war, burying James’ parents--were things that they were too young to be doing. They were barely out of school. They were hardly twenty. That was only three years past coming of age, two in the muggle world. He’d heard it before. Professor McGonagall had said it a lot, and Dumbledore to some extent, and some older members of the Order. But this was the first time it really struck Remus. _We grew up too quickly._

It’s with this thought that he slips a galleon on the kitchen table next to Sirius, who looks at it, and then up at him, the silent question clear on his face. Remus bit his lip, and nodded. Sirius let out a snort.

James looked at them. "What's so funny?" he asked.

The two boys ( _because "men" is a strong word_ , Remus thought) exchanged a look. "Nothing," they said together. James eyed them funny, but Remus raised his eyebrows, daring him to press the issue. It was a look that said "tread lightly, I have blackmail material" and it was a look Remus had mastered over the course of nine years. James put up his hands in surrender.

Regulus looked at them confused. "Don't bother," Lily told him. "They just get like this with each other. You and I’ll keep each other sane.” She smiled at him, and oddly enough Regulus smiled back, albeit shyly.

Remus hadn’t known Regulus awfully well in school of course, but he found himself wondering, not for the first time tonight, if they might’ve been friends under different circumstances. They were often in the library together (well, not _together_ , so much as they were both in the library at the same time), but aside from prefect meetings, and that painfully awkward patrol they’d shared in Remus’ seventh year, they’d hardly interacted. Yet Regulus seemed likeable enough. Studious, and clever, and...okay, so maybe that was all Remus knew about the boy. Although, “studious and clever” sounded like the type of people he would exclusively be friends with had he never met James and Sirius. 

_...and Peter,_ the voice in his head whispered. _Yes, and Peter,_ he conceded. _But Peter changed._

“Right, well,” Regulus began, straightening his already-straight robes. “My house-elf Kreacher has all of my research, if I may call him?” he directed the question to Lily and James, ignoring the look of disdain on Sirius’ face.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” James answered. “Just, call him, and we can...get started.”

Sirius, ever dramatic, let out a heavy sigh, and muttered something under his breath.

Regulus fixed him with a pointed stare. “Really, Sirius I don’t understand your problem with house-elves.” He said, and from the face Sirius made, Remus guessed they’d had this conversation before. “They’re incredibly smart, and they know magic that even you or I-”

“That even you or I are incapable of, and they do it wandless and non-verbally, I _know_ , Reg, you’ve told me,” Sirius interjected. “Besides, I haven’t _got_ a problem with house-elves. What I’ve got is a problem with a _particular_ house-elf.”

Regulus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, and for a moment they seemed to be locked in a staring contest of sorts. Remus had the odd feeling that they were having a silent conversation--or, more likely given those two, an argument--but he had no idea what they were saying. However, Regulus must have won, because Sirius turned away and sighed, while Regulus called the elf.

“Kreacher!” Just like that, a house-elf appeared. It was a short, well, _creature_ , with a long nose, floppy ears, and a tea-towel tied around it’s waist.

“Master Regulus!” The elf’s voice was a bit gravelly, though it still had a slightly high pitch like most of the other elves Remus had met.

Regulus smiled at the elf in a way that Remus could’ve only described as out of character. “Hello, Kreacher. Would you please be so kind as to get my research from the shack, and bring it here?” _Now, that was certainly not the way purebloods talked to their house-elves._ Remus thought.

The house-elf nodded eagerly at the request, before disappearing with a loud crack. He popped back only several seconds later, nearly collapsing underneath a tall tower of thick, heavy books. Remus grabbed them just before the stack toppled, and placed them on the table.

"Thank you, Kreacher," he said, smiling at the elf with a kindness Remus wasn't sure he'd seen on Regulus before.

The elf bent into a deep bow. "Kreacher is happy to serve kind Master Regulus."

Regulus simply nodded, still smiling, before he turned to the others in the room, and his face resumed its usual guarded expression. "Alright," he began, gesturing to the books. "I suppose we ought to get started."

Sirius stared disdainfully at Kreacher. "Is _he_ staying?"

Apparently Kreacher hadn't noticed Sirius' presence before, because he seemed rather shocked to see him. "The blood traitor! How dare he disrespect Kreacher's master? He ran away, Master Regulus should not be seen with him. Master Regulus was so hurt when the blood traitor left, he is unworthy of my master's time, yes."

Regulus sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kreacher-"

"Look, Kreacher," Sirius interrupted. "Some of us happen to have morals, and just because you're a good-for-nothing, worthless excuse for an elf…"

"Sirius!" Regulus admonished. It went relatively unheard.

Throughout this, Kreacher kept talking. "Mistress blasted him off of her tapestry, she did. Kreacher remembers. Mistress was saying no one is to speak to the blood traitor, and he will not be her heir."

"Like I wanted to be her stupid heir," Sirius put in.

"Will both of you just stop for one second?" Once again, Regulus' voice went unheard.

"Master Regulus became heir. And Kreacher was thinking it should have been Master Regulus all along, he is the most deserving, he is."

Sirius scoffed. "Yeah, and I'm sure he had a right great time of it, up until he decided to off himself."

Well, that clearly hit a nerve, and Regulus joined in the bickering. "Sirius, I already told you, I didn't-"

"Everyone stop!" Lily commanded. The room was silent for a moment as they all turned to her. Kreacher was looking her up and down.

"The blood traitor's friend is trying to order Kreacher around. But no, she will not. Kreacher only takes orders from the Noble House of Black, he does. Not from the scum."

James glared at Kreacher. "How dare you?"

"And this one is the Potter, the one that the blood traitor abandoned my Master for. Kreacher will not serve the Potter. Kreacher won't."

Regulus winced at the rather personal information Kreacher was sharing. "No one is asking you to, Kreacher, but you will show some respect. Everyone here is going to help us destroy the locket." he explained. "And you will be polite to all of them, regardless of what you may think of them. That is an order," Regulus added firmly. Remus continued to be surprised by the way Regulus treated the elf. “And Sirius,” Regulus turned to face his brother, “Can you at least be civil to Kreacher?’

Sirius crossed his arms. “I don’t see why he has to stay here,” he argued.

Regulus sighed, “He’s not staying here the whole time, obviously. Mother would get suspicious, he has to go back to Grimmauld. I just need him here when we research, to help me read.” Regulus passed his hand through the stack of books to prove his point. “See?”

“Fine,” Sirius relented.

Then, with Kreacher’s help, Regulus showed them all the notes he’d taken, and the books he thought they should start with, and they began researching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thoughts?


	9. Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say "analysis of the ethics behind dark magic"?
> 
> No, they didn't. Literally nobody said that. But here we go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a few hours early, because the chapter's short (and because I'm hankering for the serotonin boost updating gives me, let's be real)
> 
> TW for mentions of child abuse and a flashback to Sirius showing up at the Potters. Also James' well-meaning-protecive-ness is rearing it's ugly head again. I swear, he's one of my faves, and he's definitely going to get better.

December 29, 1980  
5:23 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

 **Sirius Black** had never been a fan of dark magic. He’d been exposed to enough of it to know that, if he tried, there were bits he could use for good. Not that that mattered much to him, because after his first year, he was determined not to become like his family. He wouldn’t start down that slippery slope for any reason. Besides, it especially didn’t matter now, as they were dealing with horcruxes, which was dark magic to the point of being downright evil.

It had been a bit of a game when he was younger. Trying to come up with good uses for the dark magic his family used. He never intended to use it one way or another, but there was something reassuring in the rebellion of his little game. But this...this was on another level. There simply was no way to use this type of magic for good. No matter how you sliced it, you would have to murder someone to do it, and, as he was just now learning from the book he was reading, you couldn’t regret it, really. If you felt any remorse for the murder, you’d reconstruct your soul, and that would defeat the whole purpose. Anyway you slice it, there was no way to make a horcrux without being _truly_ evil.

James was holding Harry, while looking over Lily’s shoulder at the book she was reading. He grimaced, and Sirius wondered what part he was at. He sighed and shook his head, “Nothing good can come from dark magic.” James had always had an uncanny ability to read Sirius’ mind, but this was clearly not one of those times. Sirius was debating whether or not he should say something. He didn’t want to sound like...well, a Black. It wasn’t as if any of his thoughts on the matter were all that relevant to what they were trying to do. At least, he didn’t think they were.

But believe it or not, Regulus spoke up. “Not inherently true, Potter,” he said, because apparently Regulus can’t talk without sounding like an aristocrat with a thesaurus up his butt. And stupid Kreacher was ogling up at his master with admiration. What a picture they made.

James was immediately defensive. “What? You said you’d defected, how...how can you defend what they do?”

That seemed a bit of a leap to Sirius, and for the first time in years, he was prepared to defend his little brother to his friends. Before he could say something he may or may not regret, Regulus replied, calm as ever, “I’m not defending what they do. I’m simply saying that not everything is as black-and-white as you’ve painted it.” James looked ready to jump to an accusation, but Regulus continued, “No, I don’t agree with the Death Eaters anymore, and no I don’t think that all of their methods are justifiable. I do believe that, if one tried, they could find several light uses for dark spells.” He glanced at Sirius as he finished, and Sirius wondered if Regulus had known what he was thinking.

“Oh really?” James snarked, “If that’s true, you’d think someone would’ve done it by now.”

“Well, I’m sure several people have.” He smiled in Sirius’ direction again, and Sirius was a tad unsettled by just how much his brother seemed to know. “Keep in mind though, most people who grow up...exposed to dark magic, can wind up using it for its intended, and more destructive, purposes. Whereas those who reject such values and traditions,” he was looking at Sirius again. “Often shy away from such magic in order to prove where their loyalties truly lie.” _Darn. Reggie really is too observant for his own good._

“Not to mention,” _Oh, here he goes again._ “Should someone make such...discoveries, advances, whatever you want to call them, I doubt they would end up published, because of witches and wizards such as yourself, with a determination to keep dark and light magic confined to the boxes which they understand.” Lily and Remus remained silent, but both seemed to be considering this possibility.

James was staring at Regulus, with sufficiently less malice, and more genuine confusion. “And what do you mean by ‘witches and wizards such as myself’?” He asked, his tone more even than Sirius was expecting.

“Simply that you have had the good fortune of never being exposed to so much dark magic that you become...used to it.” Sirius was shocked by the words. There was something familiar there.

_“Sirius, are you okay?” James had asked that night._

_Sirius was on his doorstep, holding his trunk and shaking. “Just a light cruciatus, I’ll be fine.”_

_James had gaped at him, speechless for a moment. “A cruciatus? Sirius, she can’t...that’s an unforgivable!” Only later did Sirius realize that he’d never told James it had been Mother. James had just known._

_He let out a weak laugh. “Anything’s forgivable when you’ve got enough galleons to your name. Don’t worry about me, I’m used to it.”_

_“You shouldn’t be.” Was all James said. It was incredibly loaded for three words._

_He just shrugged. “Yeah.”_

Sirius realized Regulus was still talking. “When you’re used to it, you can see it from another angle.” Sirius nodded. James was trying to meet his eyes, and Sirius avoided his gaze. He knew what James was thinking. 

_“I’m used to it.”_

_“You shouldn’t be.”_

He relented, and gave James a weak smile, if only to stop the unsettling feeling of being watched. This seemed to satisfy James, because he resumed his argument. “Let’s hear it then. Tell me how you use dark magic for good.” His voice was challenging, as if he didn’t expect Regulus to think of anything. Sirius suppressed a grin. James didn’t know what he was in for. James was strong, fast, tough, a powerful wizard, and he wasn’t stupid by any means. He had gotten himself into a battle of wits against Regulus, though. Regulus had done a lot of stupid, idiotic things, but he was still brilliant.

Regulus smirked, and casually rested a hand on his chin, a finger in front of his mouth, as if he were trying to hide it. He wasn’t. Trying to hide it, that is. The upturned corners of his mouth were clearly visible, and the mirth danced in his eyes. It was a look Sirius had seen before. A look that meant Regulus knew he would win, and a look that let his opponent know that. How many chess games had he lost to Regulus, where he’d seen that exact look the moment before a checkmate? He turned to Sirius, and simply said: “Page fifty-eight” gesturing at the book in Sirius’ hands. Sirius flipped through the book, until he reached the desired page. _Methods of Destruction_ the heading read, and Sirius felt himself adopting a smirk similar to his brother’s. He knew where this was going. “Go on.” Regulus urged, and Sirius read from the page:

“‘In theory, a horcrux is destroyed when the object encasing the soul is completely destroyed. There have been debates on what constitutes complete destruction, but as souls fall into a rarely explored branch of magic, these debates are sadly undocumented, and have been lost to time. There are few methods which are well known, and due to the truly evil nature of horcrux creation, they are not something to be trifled with and experimented on.

“However, amongst the well known methods (although well known is an extremely relative term when it comes to this particular subject) is fiendfyre, a dark spell,” He paused for a moment and glanced up at James and Regulus. James seemd invested, if annoyed, whereas Regulus looked a bit smug in anticipation of victory. “Which conjures a large burst of flames in the shapes of various beasts. While this spell is simple to learn, it is challenging to control. The destruction of horcruxes is perhaps the only positive use of fiendfyre.’” He finished reading, and glanced up at James. “Well, there you have it, mate.”

James shrugged and nodded. “Guess so. Well, is that all then?”

“Oh no,” Regulus answered. “Far from it. There are plenty of other examples of course, but this,” he waved a hand vaguely in the book’s direction “is rather important to the task at hand. There are plenty of other instances though. The wards on our house, for example. Well, I suppose that we could’ve achieved the same effect with lighter magic, but they did the job, kept us safe and all that.”

“Right,” James said slowly. Glancing between Sirius and Regulus. “The only issue is, wards can’t protect you from what’s inside the house.”

Regulus flinched. Just the slightest bit, and Sirius didn’t think anyone else had noticed. Then, Regulus wiped his face clean of emotions, as Sirius had seen him do many times, and gave James a confused expression that Sirius knew was fake. Everyone in the room knew exactly what James was talking about.

James had always been much more angry at the Blacks than Sirius, simply because he knew better than to believe that their abuse was normal, or that Sirius deserved it. Regulus gave Sirius a look that was...odd, to say the least. He seemed angry, like Sirius had betrayed him somehow. 

“How… _dare_ you?” Regulus’ voice shook, to the point where he wasn’t covering it up. “You- you don’t have any idea what- I- That house, our family...you wouldn’t understand Potter.” Sirius had to say _something_ , but he really had no idea what.

“Regulus,” he began, searching for words before James interrupted.

“How dare I? I understand a lot more than you think I do. I’ve only been friends with Sirius for nine years. I know what went on in that house, I’m not stupid. I know what she did to Sirius.”

And now the sodding elf was wailing at the top of his lungs, adding to the noise. “The blood traitor will not insult Kreacher’s master!”

Harry started crying. Remus walked over to James and picked him up, stepping into the living room. He seemed eager to get away, and Sirius realized the noise must be hard on his hearing.

“James,” Lily pleaded. It was a warning. She didn’t want things to go too far, and Sirius thought maybe she was the only one who really understood.

At the same time, Regulus was anxiously trying to silence Kreacher, before turning to James. He squared his shoulders, and drew himself up to his full height (combined with floating about a half a foot off the floor). He looked proper, and dignified, but there was something in his eyes that Sirius hadn’t seen since he was twelve and Regulus was eleven. He wondered if perhaps that was the last time he’d really looked. Sirius felt a lump in his throat at the thought. “Reg…” Sirius tried to speak, but his voice was quieter than he meant.

Then the cacophony began.

Regulus: “I- She was-”

Then Kreacher: "The blood traitor will not insult Master Regulus! No, Kreacher will not allow it!"

Lily: “Everyone just...calm down for a moment.”

It all built to a crescendo, like some sick, twisted type of music.

“Enough!” Sirius shouted. “Everyone just stop.” He looked at Regulus, unshed tears in both their eyes. James hadn’t known he had struck such a tender chord between the two of them. “Please,” Sirius added.

“You told them,” was all Regulus had to say. Sirius nodded, knowing what Regulus was referring to. “Everything?” he asked. Sirius shook his head. _No. Not everything. It’s far worse than that._ “But most of it?” _The worst of it. The worst of_ you. Sirius just nodded again. He couldn’t speak from the knot in his throat. _I'm sorry,_ he wanted to say. "Lovely," was Regulus’ response to that. Then he picked himself up, and addressed the room with an amount of dignity Sirius didn’t think he himself could have managed. He couldn’t help but think that Regulus would have made a good heir. "Seeing as all of our dirty laundry has been thrown into the open, and apparently you all have been informed about...certain occurrences of my childhood...perhaps it's best we...continue to research, and remain quiet for some time."

Sirius frowned. Was he just going to ignore all of this? "Regulus, maybe we should talk about…" _Everything._ But he couldn't say that. They had so much they needed to sort out, and Regulus just wanted to avoid it all. Heck, Sirius wanted to avoid it all too, but that rarely ended well for him.

"It's fine, Sirius,” Regulus told him. _No it's not!_ He screamed in his head. "We just need to figure this out, and I can leave you all alone." _No_ , Sirius thought. _You can't leave, I just got you back._ But he couldn't say it out loud for the life of him. Then Regulus was telling Kreacher which books to get for him, and it was clear the conversation was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a short one, but next week's is pretty long.
> 
> Let me know what you think. I have mixed feelings about this chapter on the whole, but I had a lot of fun with the bits about dark magic, and nerd!Regulus (he's so cute when he's being a nerd!)


	10. Normalcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several conversations with varying weight.
> 
> (wow, look at me sounding all enigmatic. some are just the same conversation from two POVs cause I said so)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: past/referenced child abuse, as well as a victim justifying/normalizing said abuse. Also references to suicide ideation. I think it might be prudent to say that I have been fortunate enough to not experience these things, and because of that I may portray them inaccurately. If the inaccuracy offends you, please let me know how to improve. (But if it is triggering, you aren't obligated to stick around just to help).
> 
> And, as per usual, there will be Angst. (You guys, I swear it's gonna get less heavy at some point. There are good vibes somewhere in this universe, I promise)

December 29, 1980  
5:46 A.M.  
The Potter’s House

**Regulus Black** couldn’t believe it. He should have been able to believe it, he should have _expected_ it. But he hadn’t seen any of this coming. Sirius had told Potter about their, for lack of a better word, childhood. He felt, in all honesty, betrayed. All those experiences, they weren’t just Sirius’. They were both of theirs. Why does Sirius get to decide who knows about them? Now these strangers knew things about him that even his friends hadn’t known, because Sirius had told them. He felt naked, like they could see behind the mask he usually wore.

It really wasn’t fair, which was not a phrase Regulus used all that often, because it seemed too...obvious. Life isn’t fair. Especially his life. This was different though. This wasn’t about how the universe didn’t play fair, this was about how Sirius didn’t play fair. Not only did these people know things about him, but they knew the worst about him. At least he figured they did. He couldn’t imagine Sirius sharing any other side of him. It was just like with the dark magic. Sirius wanted to distance himself from the Blacks. That was all Regulus was, just another Black, who Sirius didn’t want to be associated with.

The page he was staring at blurred, and Regulus realized his eyes were watering. Not that it mattered. He hadn’t gotten any reading done. Mother had called Kreacher, and he had to leave. Sirius offered to turn the pages for Regulus, but that hadn’t been necessary. He blinked a few times, and watched a tear fall, waiting for the moment when it hit the page, blurring the ink ever-so-slightly. The tear fell right through his book, and then through the table. Of course it had.

He was fine with being dead, really. He had expected a bit less...existence, he supposed, but he chose to be a ghost. He could have gone on. Seen whatever it was that lay beyond Grandmother’s garden. Or just stayed in the garden.

He didn’t know if anyone else knew what he knew about the Dark Lord, though. It was up to him, and possibly Albus Dumbledore, who would have a convoluted hare-brained scheme that would take years longer than necessary. 

And maybe he had something to prove. To himself, his family, the world. He didn’t know yet, but something in him wanted to show that he was more than what they thought he was. More than his mother’s puppet, as Sirius had so eloquently put it all those years ago. 

And of course, on that note, there was Sirius. He had wanted to fix things with him, he really, _really_ did. But the moment he actually came close, he just...couldn’t. He had never been good at those sorts of conversations.

“We can’t keep doing this.” Sirius’ voice shook him. He looked around, wondering how long he’d been lost in thought, staring blankly at the book on the table. Lily was holding Harry, and she, Potter, and Remus were standing by the fridge, whispering about something. Regulus wondered if they were talking about him. Regulus didn’t consider himself self-centered (though maybe he was, in the self-conscious sort of way), he simply couldn’t tell if it had been long enough since the chaos that had ensued for them to have changed the subject. “It’s not working,” Sirius continued.

Regulus feigned ignorance, because it was easier than agreeing. “What, researching? Sirius, you’ve barely started.”

“You know what I mean, Reg.” He did. “We can’t keep ignoring everything until we blow up at each other.”

“I blew up at Potter, not you,” Regulus replied, although really “blowing up” felt like an over exaggeration. But he had to say something, and he might as well stall whatever was coming.

“Yes, but still, Regs.” Regulus debated whether or not he should protest the nickname. In all honesty, it was rather reassuring to hear Sirius call him that, but maybe he should still complain about it out of principal. Maybe it would feel normal. “We should talk about this.”

“We have.” _We haven’t._

Sirius sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “Not really. You just avoid all my questions.” He wasn’t wrong.

“Maybe you’re asking the wrong questions.” _Or maybe you’d hate me if you knew the answers._

“Regs, please!” Sirius begged. “I don’t like this anymore than you do. I hate that every conversation we have has to be an argument.”

“So let’s not have a conversation then.” _What are you doing?_ he asked himself. _This is what you wanted. To talk to him. Quit being so stubborn._

Sirius frowned, but to his credit, he refrained from rolling his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Can’t we just...try and have a normal conversation?”

“Fine.” Regulus hadn’t meant to have so much contempt in his voice. He really wanted to talk to Sirius, but everything else in him was telling him not to let his guard down, and to keep his emotions in check. “What would you like to talk about?” he asked. It came out a bit more amicable, which he guessed was a start.

Sirius seemed genuinely surprised at his agreement, and took a minute to realize. “Well, I- we could-” He took a deep breath, as if he was preparing for something. “Did Mother treat you all right after I left?” It was a loaded question. Regulus wasn’t ready for something like that, but he had a feeling Sirius’ other questions were “Why did you join the Death Eaters?” and “How come you were okay with dying that night?” So, in the grand scheme of things, he supposed that this was just polite dinner conversation.

Of course, almost instinctively, he stalled. “Are you going to turn around and tell all your mates about it if I tell you?”

“What? No, I just- I’m sorry. I was only trying to...I dunno, tell them about it. Usually James. I- I think he might’ve the wrong idea about you. Because of some things I said.”

Regulus laughed, bitterly, and without any joy. It was really more of a scoff, to be honest. “I’m sure he has the right idea. It just came as a surprise. I thought all that stuff was...private.”

Sirius fixed him with a look, like he wanted to scold Regulus for laughing about it. “It’s not the right idea, and you know it.” He said. “You weren’t like them, there were dozens of times you helped,” _Dozens seems generous._ “I just never...felt the need to talk about those times. I didn’t need...comforting, I guess, when it came to those. So, James just doesn’t know about them.”

“How considerate of you to say,” Regulus deadpanned. “Really, Sirius don’t bother. I know who I was.”

Sirius looked torn, like he couldn’t decide what to say. Eventually, he went with: “So, how’d Mother really treat you? Is she the reason you had to join up?”

He was tempted to say yes. He really was. Because Mother had played a large enough part in it, and it was what he had believed for so long. He told himself he didn’t have a choice, and it was all because of Mother. There had been a choice though. It was the same choice Sirius had. A choice that said “Take the Mark,” but what it really meant, to those who dared to look for a second option, was “Take the Mark or leave.”

“No,” He finally answered. “It was my choice.” Sirius looked him in the eyes, and he wondered how much Sirius really knew about the choice they’d both been given.

“Oh,” Sirius said, his voice low. “I thought maybe…”

“Nope. All me. No one to blame but myself.” Regulus’ voice was hollow. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel quite as lousy when he was the one to blame. That meant something, he supposed, but he didn’t much care to figure out what.

Sirius didn’t say anything about the choice though. “And how was she?” he asked.

Regulus shrugged. “Angry. You know how she was about us, she didn’t even want me.”

Had the Blacks been any other family, Sirius would tell him that that wasn’t _true_ , and their mother had loved them both _equally_ , and she never _meant_ to make him feel that way.

The Blacks were not any other family.

Pollux had insisted, shortly after Sirius was born, that Walburga have another son, should anything happen to her first born. An heir and a spare, they had said. Regulus, having been both at some point, could honestly say he didn’t know which was worse.

"It wasn't too bad,” he told Sirius. Because what else could he say? "I think she regretted some of what she did, when I was little. Like all those times she wouldn't let me have dinner as punishment. She never did that to you though, because you were the heir and needed to be healthy. Well, I was the heir now, so that wasn't much of an issue. And Father didn't care much. I think he knew, early on, that it would wind up being me. He was just counting down the days. Mother, however...she had been holding onto the hope that you'd stay, and be the heir, and then head of the family. I think that she thought if she pushed you hard enough, she could change you. But it just made you more determined to stand out. I didn't understand that about you for the longest time. I think I was more what she expected."

"Did she...hurt you?" Sirius asked, almost scared of his answer. _Where’s this coming from? Why’s he so worried? Doesn’t he know the answer? This was our normal growing up._

"Of course she hurt me. You know how she is. It never had anything to do with you, Sirius." Sirius looked ready to argue that point. "Maybe it did sometimes, but really...it was always her. She'd get this look in her eye, like she had all this...pent up anger she needed to get out. And then she would make a comment about blood purity so you'd argue with her, and she could curse you.” Sirius’ eyes widened, and was gaping slightly. “I could do everything right, and she'd find something to punish me for, because she needed a target. It was never just about you."

Sirius was staring at him as he spoke, and then he put his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Regs. I thought- you were the perfect son, y'know? I told myself she'd never do that to you, that you'd be fine, and that she only got like that with me. But-" Regulus realized his brother was crying.

"Sirius, calm down. It's fine."

"It's not fine! What she did to you and I...it was awful. We just thought...we just didn't know any better. The Potters would never…" He stopped there, blinking back tears. The Potters seemed to be painful to think about. He wondered if Sirius had ever gotten like that thinking about him after he had died. Maybe that was a selfish thing to wonder about. But really, how was _he_ supposed to know? He’d never _been_ dead before. He didn’t think anyone expected him to be well-versed in ghost-etiquette. _I’ve really had enough etiquette lessons to last a lifetime,_ he thought. _Ha. Lifetime._

“Sirius...it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t really care.” Regulus wasn’t entirely sure that was true, but this was hard enough without psycho-analyzing his childhood.

“You should care, Regs. You just...it _does_ matter. She can’t do that to you.”

“She did though. And I have better things to care about.” He nodded his head at the books spread about the table. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

_No!_ Cried a voice in his head. _Tell him about That Night._ Regulus’ life had gotten to the point where there were so many nights that he thought of as “that night” and they were all just stepping stones on the path to That Night. _Tell him everything. He’s Sirius, he can fix-it._

The voice in his head was still the little boy who hero-worshipped his big brother. The voice in his head didn’t know everything would fall apart when Sirius left for Hogwarts. The voice didn’t know that he hadn’t been able to afford hope since he was fifteen. The voice didn’t know how broken everything was. It was so beyond anyone’s ability to fix things. Even Sirius--not the one next to him, but the version of Sirius he had had in his head at that age--couldn’t fix the mess Regulus had gotten himself into. Which is why it didn’t matter, and there was nothing to be gained by talking about it. Or even thinking about it, really.

He had been so lost in his thoughts, he almost forgot he was waiting on a response to a question. “Well, no not exactly,” came the reply. The part of him that wanted to talk with his brother, and fix things was relieved, but Regulus still felt his stomach twist. “We’ve got a lot to talk about. Things have been...messed up for a while. We’ve got plenty of time though. Right?” Sirius shifted in his chair, awaiting his response, as if he were nervous.

“Yes, it should take a while to track everything down, and destroy them,” Regulus answered. “And then there’s the Dark Lord himself to worry about.” That final confrontation was so far in the future, Regulus had honestly hardly thought about it.

Sirius nodded, and then continued, “Yeah, but after that. Are you gonna stick around?”

“Oh.” Regulus bit his lip. He shouldn’t be upset that Sirius asked. _Like I wanted to stick around with him and his stupid friends longer than I have to._ “No, I won’t, don’t worry.”

“That’s exactly why I’m worried,” Sirius responded, much to Regulus’ surprise. “Where are you gonna go?” he asked.

“I could always haunt Grimmauld. It seems like it should have at least one ghost,” he joked. They’d always guessed that the old house was haunted.

His brother’s eyes narrowed. “I’m serious, Regs.” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him. “Don’t say it. I mean it, Regulus, I worry about you.” Sirius was oddly stern about it.

It had been awhile since anyone besides Kreacher had worried about him, and Regulus might have reacted poorly. “Pfft. What are you worried I’m gonna do, die?” _Really_ poorly.

Sirius frowned at him. “Don’t say things like that.” Regulus shrugged. “Look, Regs, if you don’t have anywhere else to go, once we sort all this out, you could always just...stay.”

Regulus couldn’t let himself believe that Sirius wanted him around. It felt so surreal, and he didn’t want to accept it if it was just pity, which, despite everything Sirius said, he couldn’t help but believe it was. He had ages to figure out where he’d go after this, but Sirius didn’t look like he’d accept that answer. “I guess. I’ll think about it,” he muttered. He really couldn’t think that far ahead. “Once we sort all this out” was such a distant idea for him. Thinking about it was so surreal.

“Hey, who wants breakfast?” Potter asked, taking Regulus out of his own thoughts, and, mercifully, his conversation with Sirius. Not that Regulus could have breakfast. He once again found himself cursing his incorporeality. Potter was rifling through the fridge, pulling out eggs, cheese, and various vegetables.

Remus was refilling his coffee mug, and Regulus couldn’t help but sympathize. He felt exhausted. He didn’t need to sleep, exactly, but all the same he was exhausted. He blamed Sirius. Sirius had too much energy and extroverted-ness to be human. That was torturous enough to be around all on its own, but then Sirius suggested they ‘work through their problems’ or some dragon dung like that. He was so done with talking to people. Thankfully, Sirius had gotten up to help Potter.

Lily pulled a baby bottle out of the fridge, and kissed Potter before walking over to the table, and sitting down next to Regulus. _Salazar, if she wants to start a conversation, I’m floating into her backyard._ Regulus pretended to read, but was nervously watching her out the corner of his eye. She cast a warming charm on the bottle, before adjusting the bundle in her arms so she could feed it. Regulus hadn’t actually encountered the child all that much, and he tried to subtly examine the baby. He had bright green eyes, and a somewhat thick layer of fuzzy dark hair on his head. He supposed the kid was alright.

Regulus really didn’t have much experience with children, being the youngest in his family. Kreacher had told him that Cissa had had a son with Malfoy back in June. He vaguely remembered her being pregnant. She’d wanted to make him godfather. _Who was it now?_ He wondered. Then something else occurred to him: _Andy might have had a kid by now, too, with that mud- muggleborn. You really need to kick that habit._

Lily must have realized he was looking at the baby, because she turned to smile at him. “I’d let you hold him, but I don’t think that would be wise.” She joked. _Thank goodness for that._ Regulus thought. He wasn’t going to say that out loud, though.

“It’s fine,” he said instead, “I’m not...I’m not _great_ with kids, anyways.” (Which was his way of saying “I joined a literal cult, please do not trust me with your baby.”) Shockingly enough, Lily laughed at that.

“I honestly didn’t think I would be. It was all so sudden.” She looked over at her husband (who seemed to be in deep conversation with Sirius) with a look on her face that Regulus thought he _should_ have seen on his own mother’s face at some point, but never had. “We’re figuring it out, though.” The baby gurgled, and Lily wiped his chin with the bib. She smiled at him, again with a face that Regulus wished was familiar to him.

It was odd to hear someone like Lily saying she had no experience. She seemed to have a decent idea of how to be a mother. Although, that could just come from having a decent mother. Not that he knew anything about her life, and it was really none of his business. “No younger siblings?” he asked. He hadn’t even wanted to talk to Lily, but now he found himself trying to keep the conversation going. _It was nice,_ he thought, _to have a normal conversation during all this._

“None,” she answered. “One older sister.” Regulus just ‘hmm’-ed in response. Which was apparently amusing, because Lily smiled. “I know, right? That’s why you and I have to stick together, what with this bunch of older brothers and-” she lowered her voice as if it were an insult “ _only children_.” Regulus laughed in spite of himself, and Lily gave him a conspiratory smile. “Us younger siblings have to have each other’s backs.” He smirked.

After a few seconds, he began to feel a bit uncomfortable, though.

As nice as she was, Regulus couldn’t help but feel nervous talking to Lily. She was muggleborn, he knew that. Maybe he hadn’t changed as much as he thought, maybe he still hated her.

The more he thought about it, though, the more he realized that it wasn’t her blood status that bothered him. Well, maybe it was, but not in that way. He wasn’t bothered, or offended, or whatever he’d been before, about her being a muggleborn, so much as he hadn’t expected her to...be kind to him.

Because by all logic, Lily Evans should hate him. Loathe him, really.

He had thought Lily would hate him for who he’d been before, for how he’d called her a ‘mudblood’ (never to her face, but Regulus didn’t think that had much to do with his own courtesy as it did a lack of opportunity), or joined the Death Eaters, or...just been a general snobby pureblood. At the very least, he’d expected her to be like Potter, and hate him for...well, for all the complications between him and Sirius.

He glanced over at where his brother was standing with Potter and Remus. He noticed that Sirius seemed (and this wasn’t an entirely new realization) genuinely happy. Not at this exact moment, as the three of them looked to be deep in an uncomfortable conversation, but in general, Sirius was happy. Something that sometimes Regulus didn’t think was in the cards for either of them.

Now it was just Regulus that it wasn’t in the cards for.

He’d suspected it for awhile, but he hadn’t been too bothered by it when he was preparing to die. Now it really hit him. His brother was going to live a happy, normal life without him.

**Lily Potter** was really freaking tired of everyone shouting at each other in her kitchen. “All I’m saying James, is that it’s a complicated situation. It’s nobody's business but Sirius and Regulus,” she whispered. Remus had come back into the room with Harry, and somehow managed to get him to sleep, which she was eternally grateful for. She was quietly talking with James and Remus while Sirius and Regulus were researching and avoiding their problems.

James was still fairly frustrated. He hated few people as much as he hated Sirius’ parents. “Sirius is my best mate, of course it’s my business.”

Remus sighed, “Prongs, you’ve got this...protective streak. Which is great and all, but...you go from mother hen to mama grizzly in about two seconds.”

“What?” James asked incredulously.

Lily smiled at him, shifting Harry in her arms so she could reach out and grasp Jame’s hand. “Love, you have to have _noticed_ this by now. You’re really protective, and I think it’s wonderful,” She gave his hand a squeeze. “But Regulus isn’t the enemy. He wants to help us.”

“I know,” James sighed. “I just don’t want to see Sirius get hurt ag...I don’t want Sirius to get hurt.” Sirius had been hurt a lot. They all knew that. In fact, they were all among the few who did. Because Sirius always bounced back. No one else in their year had ever known the broken boy that they’d all seen on occasion. Except, of course, for Peter. The most recent person to hurt Sirius. Lily looked over at where Sirius was sitting. He looked like he was trying to talk to Regulus. She heard James sigh. “Especially by his family,” James added. She and Remus both nodded.

“He’s very different than he was in school,” Remus offered. “He’s changed. I think he missed Sirius.”

_Well, of course he did_ , Lily thought, _that’s his big brother_. “Yeah,” was all she said, though. James and Remus were only children, they didn’t always _get_ that sort of thing.

They fell into silence, occasionally sneaking glances at Sirius and Regulus, who appeared to be having a--perhaps slightly emotional--conversation. James reached out to Harry, in Lily’s arms, gently brushing the fuzzy hair atop his head. Lily looked up at her husband, who seemed to be thinking deeply about something before speaking. “Are we gonna tell Regulus about the prophecy?” Lily felt a weight off her shoulders and a knot in her stomach. One of them had finally asked the question that had been in the back of their minds. She was grateful James had the courage to ask. Now all that was left was answering. Which was harder than it seemed.

“I...I think we should. At some point,” Lily answered. It was vague, but James nodded. “Do you think Sirius will mention it?”

“Nah,” James answered immediately. “He’d let us break that news.”

“I wrote to Pandora about it. Just to see what she knew about prophecies.” James raised an eyebrow. “That she’s allowed to tell us, that is,” Lily added.

Remus smiled. “Oh, brill. She got the job then? I haven’t heard from her in a while.” Pandora Emerson, now Lovegood, was a Ravenclaw prefect who’d been a year below them. She’d been good enough friends with Lily and Remus, and they’d study together a lot. Despite being a year younger, Pandora was incredibly smart. She’d confided in both of them that she wanted to go into the Department of Mysteries, a dream she had achieved about two years ago, shortly after her graduation.

“Yeah, she did. Her internship went really well, and they offered her a position right out of the gate. Low-level, but still, she’s been really busy. I only heard from her in July, she sent me a very panicked owl saying she was pregnant and needed my advice.”

Remus gasped. “She’s pregnant? Her and Lovegood? I-- Merlin, that’s wonderful! She’d make a great mum. How far along is she?”

“About seven months. The babies due February, she said that Xenophilius thinks…” She was interrupted by Sirius’ voice.

“It’s not fine!” he said. He wasn’t inherently loud, but he was forceful. They all glanced to the table, where neither of the brothers had noticed that they’d drawn any attention to themselves. Sirius looked sad, and maybe a little angry. Regulus just looked uncomfortable and confused. James and Remus exchanged a look, and then both turned to Lily, who shrugged. Then, James and Remus turned to look back at the table before Lily swatted them both on the arm in turn.

“Well, don’t _stare_. Honestly, you four…” she trailed off. “ _You four_ ” she’d said. She looked between James and Remus. “I meant…”

Remus shrugged. “Who cares?” James muttered, rather halfheartedly.

Lily wrinkled her brow in confusion. “Right.” She’d been friends with Peter, too, but these boys...had it different. Maybe not worse, but different. A voice in the back of her head, a voice that always said things she was too nervous to say out loud whispered: _Probably worse, though._ “Anyways,” she tried to change the subject, “apparently Xenophilius thinks it’s a boy, but Pandora doesn’t trust that. Something about gurdyroot infusion versus traditional tea leaves, I honestly didn’t quite understand.” None of their hearts were really in the conversation anymore.

“Is Pan gonna try and divine it?” Remus asked.

Lily shook her head. “Says she wants to be surprised.”

“Hmm,” was Remus’ reply. “Sounds like her.” They grew silent again, trying not to accidentally eavesdrop on Sirius’ conversation with his brother. They could have talked about something else, but none of them much felt like it. Peter’s betrayal was still a fresh wound, and it was uncomfortable to even think about.

After a while, James suggested they have breakfast. It was only at his suggestion that they all noticed how hungry they were. Sirius came over to help him cook, and James’ protective nature immediately kicked in. “Are you okay, mate?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

James stepped forward, taking a closer look at Sirius. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

Sirius shrugged. “It’s whatever,” he said. Lily raised an eyebrow at James. She shouldn’t be all that surprised, she knew she’d react the same way. In fact, it was almost more surprising Sirius hadn't denied it. As much as she didn’t want James to pester Sirius about it, she worried about him as much as anyone else.

“It’ll all work out, Padfoot,” she told him, meeting his eyes, and giving a smile that she hoped was reassuring. The corners of Sirius’ mouth turned up just a tad, and Lily took that as a good sign. She reached into the fridge, and pulled out a bottle of formula for Harry. “I’m gonna feed him. Bring me some breakfast, love.” She smiled, and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss James’ cheek, before walking over to the kitchen table.

She sat down next to Regulus, who was staring at the book in front of him. At some point, she noticed Regulus was glancing at Harry. She gave him a friendly smile. “I’d let you hold him,” she teased, “but I don’t think that would be wise.” She really had no idea how to talk to a ghost. _Was that rude?_ she wondered. It might’ve offended Myrtle, but then again, almost everything did.

Regulus didn’t seem offended but he did seem a bit anxious. “It’s fine. I’m not...I’m not _great_ with kids, anyways.” Lily laughed. She knew that feeling. How stressed had she been when she found out?

“I honestly didn’t think I would be,” she told him. “It was all so sudden.” But she’d had James for help. She looked over to where he was standing, his hand on Sirius' shoulder, clearly in the middle of a conversation. James had been so amazing, through everything. “We’re figuring it out, though,” she told Regulus. Because that was what James had told her. That they’d figure it out. Together. Harry made a small, gurgling noise, and she wiped his chin with the bib. _Merlin, he was perfect._ Some days she still couldn’t believe that she was really a mother. _I’m too young_ , she thought, most of the time, _but I wouldn’t trade it for anything._

After a few moments of silence, Regulus asked “No younger siblings?”

Lily shook her head. “None. One older sister.” Regulus made a small hum in the back of his throat in response, and Lily couldn’t help but smile. Because, of course, Regulus had never so much as met Petunia, and yet his reaction was spot on. “I know, right?” she joked. “That’s why you and I have to stick together, what with this bunch of older brothers and… _only children_.” That made Regulus laugh, which honestly, was a bit of a relief. Lily barely knew the boy, but from what she did know, she was worried about him.

She knew Sirius’ parents weren’t great, and she’d seen the way that Regulus seemed to care more about his house-elf than himself, and, most concerning, she saw how he froze up when Sirius accused him of going on a suicide mission.

She didn’t know how to bridge that gap, though. Sirius didn’t let people in all that easily, and from what she’d seen of Regulus, she suspected he was just as bad, if not worse, in that department. She settled for just being friendly. “Us younger siblings have to have each other’s backs,” she said with a smirk, which the shy boy then reciprocated.

She continued feeding Harry, and they both settled into silence. She didn’t know whether or not she ought to say anything. She ultimately decided to let Regulus keep reading. He’d probably been fairly invested in his book before she came over. After a while, she noticed he was looking at where his brother was standing with James and Remus. There was something in his expression that changed as he watched them. He seemed...sad, which was odd, not in and of itself, but because the boy seemed determined not to show any emotions.

Lily wanted to help, but really didn’t know how. And Regulus clearly wasn’t the type to reach out to someone else and _ask_ for help. “You know…” she started, “I think Sirius is really happy you’re here.” 

Regulus scoffed, and muttered “ _Right_.” His eyes widened a bit, and he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...I...thank you. For saying that. It….thank you.” Lily gave a (slightly confused) nod in response, and this time when the pair settled into silence, it lasted.

**Remus Lupin** was an only child, and honestly? Thank-freaking-goodness, in his opinion. Sure, maybe not all sibling relationships were all that bad, but based on what he’d been exposed to, through Sirius and Lily? Holy Merlin, did it seem awful.

Sirius had just been deep in conversation with his brother, and when James started on breakfast, he came over looking awfully upset.

“Are you okay, mate?” James asked

Sirius just nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said. Remus could tell he was trying to avoid talking about it.

That, of course, did not stop James, who stepped towards Sirius, and muttered “You look like you’ve been crying.”

“It’s whatever,” Sirius replied with a shrug. Remus began refilling his coffee as Lily tried to reassure Sirius. He stirred in his cream and sugar, his head still swimming from all the research he’d done. It had been a lot of new information to take in so suddenly, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. It was...dark stuff.

Sirius came up next to him, and began refilling on coffee as well. “Moony, can you _please_ tell Prongs to stop being so sodding protective.”

Remus laughed. “Don’t you think I’d have tried by now?” he teased.

Sirius groaned. “It’s just like--” he began. “It’s just like, yes, I _have_ been crying, no, I _don’t_ want to talk about, yes, everything _is_ okay, but really no, nothings okay, but it shouldn’t matter, ‘cause I should just be used to that by now.” Sirius stared into his coffee mug as he spoke. “Ya know what I mean?” he asked, looking up at Remus. He knew exactly what Sirius meant.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed. “Yeah, I’ve been there.” He really had. “I’d be there even more, though, if I didn’t have Prongs being so… _Prongs_ about everything.”

Sirius let out an odd laugh. “Yep. That’s the worst part of it, I guess.” _Or the best,_ Remus thought, but he didn’t think that would be appreciated. Sirius didn’t want to be told about the bigger picture just then.

He noticed Sirius look over to where James was scrambling eggs, and then glance at Regulus sitting at the kitchen table, reading. It was like he was watching them both. Remus watched Sirius. He kept looking back and forth between the two. Sirius could be an enigma sometimes, but right now Remus could tell exactly what he was thinking, and he rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to choose, stupid.”

“What?” Whether Sirius was confused by Remus’ statement, or had genuinely been too lost in thought to hear, Remus didn’t know.

“You don’t have to choose. It’s okay to have two families.” Sirius tried to look insulted, as if Remus was stating the obvious. He wasn’t doing a great job, he looked more surprised that Remus had read his mind. Remus smirked. “Y’know, _some people_ might even go so far as to say you could have multiple brothers.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. "I know, Remus. I, too, have been accosted by Fabian and forced to look at photos of his nephews." Remus laughed. Fabian Prewett had six nephews, and thought they were the greatest thing since sliced bread. They’d all been shown photos of them at Order meetings. That was such a Sirius-like thing to do. To make a joke when a conversation got too real.

“I mean it though,” Remus said, firmly. “You shouldn’t have to--” _pick sides_ , he was going to say.

“I know,” Sirius cut off, done with the conversation.

At that moment, James walked over. "Are you sure you're alright, mate?" he asked Sirius.

Remus covered his smirk with his mug, and shot Sirius a look over the rim. Sirius just rolled his eyes. "Everything's _fine_ , Prongs. You worry too much."

James looked down at his feet,and said, sheepishly, "I just…you seemed really upset, and I…" he trailed off, as Sirius sighed.

"It's just...my mother. Again." Remus exchanged a look with James. They'd heard a great deal about Walburga Black over the course of nine years, and none of it had been good. "Thought I was done with her when I left, but…" Sirius stared into his mug.

"But?" James coaxed.

Sirius took a breath. "But she would...she'd _hurt_ him. Regs, I mean. And...I don't know if she hit him or cursed him, or whatever, but…I just assumed it was always about _me_ , and that she'd never hurt _him_. But I just asked, and he told me, and he...she would _hurt him_ , James, and if I'd just stayed…" Sirius paused. He was distraught, there were silent tears running down his cheeks and his voice had grown hoarse. James took the moment to gently put his hand on his friend's shoulder, whereas Remus was frantically shaking his head, because _no, he could not have stayed in that house._ "If I'd just stayed, then he...I...I'm supposed to protect him, but I couldn't even…" James pulled Sirius into a hug before he could finish.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Remus heard James whisper. "You were just trying to protect yourself, and that's okay. He's not your responsibility."

"But he _is_ , James." Sirius insisted, and Remus could hear in his voice that he was still crying. "I knew what they were like, I knew that _they_ weren't gonna be responsible for him. It was up to me and I...failed him." James didn't say anything, but just let Sirius cry for a moment. "He thinks it's normal, James. That it's not a big deal. Was I...was I like that?" Sirius asked, and his voice shook.

"A bit," James acknowledged. "When we first knew you, and then more when you started, well, _talking_ about it." James pulled out of the hug, and stared firmly into Sirius' eyes. "That's not your fault either. You didn't know anything else, of course you thought it was normal." There was a long pause, in which no one seemed to know what to say. They all looked between each other. “Sirius, mate, things are crazy right now. A lot’s changed, and...it’s crazy. But we’ll all figure it out, okay?” James looked to both of them in turn, waiting for them to agree. “It’s nothing we can’t handle. Come on, guys, we’re the Marauders.”

Remus winced. “Are we?” he asked. Sirius and James frowned, but didn’t disagree. Because so much had changed in the twelve hours. And really, so much had changed since they graduated. Now they were just being forced to notice it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!


	11. Intensity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> motorcycle go brrrrrrrrrrr (feat. Heavy Angst)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because ~~I'm impatient~~ it's Valentine's Day!
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to my friend who spent upwards of an hour helping me figure out what Sirius would name his motorbike. You're the best! (Also, surprise, I write fanfiction)
> 
> TW: past/referenced child abuse, suicide ideation, and just a lot of heavy angst surrounding the bros' childhood and home situation. Also, a brief mention of canon incest (Orion & Walburga Black)

December 29, 1980  
9:36 PM  
The Potter's House 

**Sirius Black** slammed the book he was reading shut, drawing the room's attention. It was getting awfully late, and they'd all been researching horcruxes since dinner, trying to figure out how to destroy one. The few sources that brought it up suggested basilisk venom, which was just so readily available, it seemed. There was, of course, fiendfyre, but that was risky. None of them were well versed in dark magic, and Regulus couldn't hold a wand. (Of course, if they were going to do it, Sirius knew it'd be up to him. He'd at least _encountered_ dark magic enough.)

Everyone was looking at him, after he'd slammed his book shut. James just smirked before doing the same. Remus and Lily both rolled their eyes, and Regulus sighed. "I take it you two are rather done researching for the night?" he asked, sounding exhausted, which Sirius had come to realize was usual.

"We _have_ been at it all day, Reg," Sirius pointed out, "We should probably head home now, anyways."

Regulus glanced at the clock. "Yes, I suppose. Kreacher," he turned to the elf, "you ought to return to Grimmauld place now. Mother might be expecting you."

Kreacher sunk into a deep bow, and Sirius rolled his eyes internally. "Why of course, Master Regulus," the elf said, before disapparating with a crack.

“Can you floo, Regulus?” Remus asked, looking at him curiously.

“Well, I haven’t exactly tried,” Regulus responded, “but I couldn’t hold any powder, of course.”

Sirius brushed it off. “Doesn’t matter, I took the bike.”

Lily looked between Regulus and himself. “Can you ride the bike?” she asked Regulus.

“What bike?” Regulus asked. Of course. Regulus wouldn’t know about his bike.

Sirius grinned. “I got a motorbike.”

“A what?” Sirius rolled his eyes. How on Earth could Reg not know what a motorbike was? He was such a pureblood. Of course, so was Sirius. But still.

“Y’know, a motorbike. It’s a muggle thing. It’s like a bicycle...sort of. But it has an engine. And mine flys. I enchanted it.”

Regulus arched his eyebrows judgmentally. “It sounds like a death trap," he scoffed, and then paused, wincing slightly at his word choice. He continued, "And anyways, what does it matter whether or not I can ride it?"

"Well, I reckoned you'd be staying at my flat," Sirius told him.

"I don't really need to stay anywhere. I mean, I'm just kinda…" he gestured at his ghostly body while he searched for the words.

"Well, yeah, but," Sirius started, not sure where he was going with this. "I mean, I just thought...y'know, you ought to stay with someone."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "I'm perfectly fine on my own, Sirius. I'm _rather_ used to it, in fact." Sirius winced. He knew what Regulus was referring to. His brother was commenting on his running away from home. Regulus frowned a little at his own words. "I'll be fine, Sirius," he said, softer.

"Reg, please? I'm worried, about you being alone and...stuff," he finished, lamely. He wasn't good at talking about things like this. He was more used to being the one who others worried about. Usually James.

"Why? Because you think I...I've lost my head, or something?" _Where was this coming from?_

"No, Reg, I don't…"

"You think I'm sodding...fragile? That I'll just...up and kill myself if you leave me alone for too long?"

"Regulus!" Sirius was, again, ignored by his brother, who plowed ahead.

"Because in case it's escaped your notice, I'm already dead! And I could _try_ and convince you that I'm not…" he faltered for just a second. Sirius thought it was a somewhat _telling_ second. "...suicidal, but I spent the whole morning trying to convince you, and you were too sodding stubborn to believe me, just like you've always been!"

Regulus had ended his sentence shouting, and when he finished, he was positively steaming with anger. He suddenly glared at everyone else in the room, as if he'd just remembered their presence (which was quite likely). The look in his eyes was _daring_ them to say anything. He inhaled a slow breath. "I'll be fine on my own, Sirius." His tone was venomous, and he had practically spat Sirius' name.

"Regulus, please, I…" but what could he say to that? "I'd rather not leave you out in the cold." he said, because it was, in all likelihood, the only version of the truth that Regulus wouldn't find insulting.

Regulus laughed. It was a familiar laugh, though not in the way one might think. Not like the laugh Sirius had grown up hearing, at least not from his brother. It was an angry, derisive laugh, with no joy behind it. It was a laugh that he had laughed himself on occasion. It was a laugh that meant the opposite of what a laugh should mean. A laugh that meant danger. It was a laugh that was--and this was arguably it's most horrifying characteristic--a family trait.

"I hardly think," he began, his voice even in a way that Sirius knew meant he was carefully measuring his tone. "That that should matter, much."

Sirius recognized his brother's temperament, he had enough of it in himself, and he'd grown up surrounded by it. If Regulus thought he could intimidate Sirius this way, he could think again. Sirius loved Regulus enough to stand up to their shrew of a mother a thousand times, of course he loved him enough to stand up to Regulus himself. He simply steeled himself for the battle he was fairly certain was bound to ensue, and raised his brow in the subtlest of challenges. "If it shouldn't matter, _much_ ," he mimicked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, yet firm all the same. "Then I don't see why you insist upon going...where exactly? The Shrieking Shack? That's _miles_ away, Reg. If it doesn't matter, just stay at mine."”

Regulus sighed “Sirius, _please_ ," there was something in his tone that was begging to be left alone. Begging that he could just slip into the shadows like he used to. Sirius knew that was where Regulus had always been comfortable, but...well, the last time he let his brother slip into the shadows, he very nearly lost him.

He caught Regulus' gaze and held it. "You're not going to the Shack, Reg." His voice came out firm, and more reminiscent of his father than Sirius cared to dwell on at the moment (or ever, really).

Regulus stared at him for a while. Gray eyes met gray eyes, as each dared the other to back down. It was the sort of standoff that occured often in a family as stubborn as the Blacks, and both boys could hold out fairly long if they wanted to.

Which is why Sirius took it as a good sign when Regulus relented relatively soon. "Fine, you win," he muttered.

"Brilliant," Sirius said with a grin, walking to the front door, while Regulus muttered under his breath about "don't even know if I can ride your stupid bike."

Sirius spun around to face his younger brother. "What did you just say about Jessica?"

"Who's Jessica?" Regulus asked.

"The bike," Remus filled in, massaging his forehead in exasperation.

"You named your bike?" Regulus asked. "And you went with 'Jessica'?" Lily laughed, which Sirius thought was quite rude of her.

"What's wrong with Jessica?" Sirius asked.

James sighed. "Mate, it's a terrible name for a bike."

Regulus scoffed. "Yes, Potter, _that's_ the issue here. Why does the bike need a name? I mean, it's just a bike."

Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Of course she needed a name! And I decided on Jessica, because she's _my_ bike, and _I_ get to name her."

"You're delusional," Regulus told him.

"It's genetic, you’re next," Sirius teased. “Now, unless anyone else has anything to say about Jessica..." his friends rolled their eyes, which Sirius thought was rather rude of them. Not to mention unnecessary. But no one had anything else to say on the subject. "Good," Sirius said, pushing open the front door, and there she was, in all her glory.

Sitting in the Potter's driveway was his 1959 Triumph Bonneville, Jessica. She had a four-speed transmission, an air-cooled engine, and a multi-plate clutch, but that wasn’t what mattered most. What mattered most to Sirius was how fast she could go. Call him a daredevil, a rebel, a hooligan, but there was nothing quite like the feeling of speeding down a road with the wind whipping his hair. He felt like he was flying even when he kept her soundly on the road. _Supposedly_ , she could get up to one-twenty, but he and James had only ever gotten to one-fifteen. That is, before Sirius had enchanted it.

He stepped aside, and gestured grandly at his bike. “There she is. Regulus, meet Jessica.”

“I’m not introducing myself to your bike,” Regulus deadpanned.

“Fine, be that way,” Sirius grumbled, before continuing, “now, how are we going to...do this? Because you’re...” Sirius wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know what was considered polite, and the last thing he wanted was to set Regulus off again. _Nick would be offended,_ he thought, _but then again, Nick always took things rather personally._

“A ghost?” Regulus finished, his tone bored. _Well, maybe he wouldn’t take it too personally at all, then._

"Yeah. Yeah, so how do we….how do you...I mean you can't exactly hold on, can you?" Sirius stammered out.

Regulus was giving Sirius his patented glare-of-judgement. "This was _your_ idea," he pointed out.

"Right, well I don't really...know much about ghosts," Sirius began.

"Obviously," Regulus interrupted.

Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. "Shut up and get on the bike, Regs." Sirius walked over to Jessica. Resting his hand on the handlebars, he took a moment to admire his bike before straddling the seat.

"How is this supposed to work?" Regulus asked. He hadn't moved any closer.

Sirius sighed, "Just get on, will you, Reg? Just try not to...float away, when we're flying."

"Flying?" Regulus asked, alarmed.

"Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of heights now, you quidditch jock." Sirius muttered.

"Well, it's hardly a broom, Sirius," Remus put in.

Regulus smirked, and replied "I'm more concerned with who's flying the thing, to be honest." James and Lily laughed, because apparently solidarity was dead.

"Yeah yeah, you're hilarious, Reg. Can you just get on the sodding bike, now?"

"Alright, alright," Regulus interrupted. "Salazar, calm down, will you?" He floated over and positioned himself as if he were sitting on the bike.

Sirius pulled out of the driveway slowly, and was happily surprised to find that his plan had, in fact, worked. He grinned, and turned around to look at Regulus. “Told ya so.” Regulus rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. “Well, I’ll see you lot tomorrow," he said to his friends. They'd all agreed to keep researching at the Potter's tomorrow before the Order meeting that night.

James nodded, and walked over to pull Sirius into a quick hug. "Take care, mate."

"I will," Sirius told him, rolling his eyes. But honestly, he was grateful for how much James cared. "You too, Prongs." James gave a mock salute in response, and Sirius smiled. "Night Remus, Lily," he added, waving at his other friends, before turning to look at Regulus again. "Hold on tight, Regs," he said with a smirk.

"Wow, Sirius, you're just a laugh riot, aren't you?" Regulus, muttered sarcastically, as Sirius revved his engine, preparing to lift off into the air at top speed. "’Hold on tight.’ Really, Sirius, you're _sooo_ fun--AAAAH!" Sirius grinned as Regulus screamed like a banshee.

They'd taken off, and were soaring into the night, at about...well, it was certainly more than a hundred and fifteen miles per hour. As much as Sirius loved his muggle bike, magic could be a wonderful thing.

Eventually, Regulus regained his composure enough to stop screaming. Well, actually he kept screaming, but was now able to form coherent sentences, starting with: "What is your problem!?" Sirius threw back his head and laughed.

**Regulus Black** , had he not been a ghost, would've been fairly certain he was in mortal peril. He had no idea who had sold Sirius the bike, but they clearly knew nothing about Sirius. In Regulus' not-so-humble opinion, Sirius was not to be trusted with anything faster than a Nimbus 1500.

While Regulus obviously couldn't feel how fast they were going, the speed at which they appeared to be blowing past everything else was positively alarming. To the extent that Regulus forgot that he was not in any danger of dying, and only realized after being in the air for a good moment, that he had been screaming. “What is your problem!?” he shouted, once he’d somehow regained his composure. He cared only a little that he was shouting nearly directly into his brother’s ear. Sirius deserved it, for being insane.

Sirius ignored it, though, and simply let out a short bark of laughter as he tossed his head back. “Don’t tell me you're scared, Reggie,” he teased.

Now, Regulus was perfectly fine with flying, and heights, and speed, and all those other things that came from being a quidditch player. He had been a seeker, in fact. He could fly at breakneck speeds, and pull out of dives at the last second, but he'd never considered how terrifying it was to not be the one in control. And to be totally honest, he didn't much like the idea of _Sirius_ being the one in control.

Sirius clearly took it upon himself to further prove this point, because at that moment, he revved the engine, and lifted the front of the bike high above the back wheel. "Can you stop that?" Regulus asked, practically shouting to be heard over the sound of the bike and the wind.

Sirius laughed. "Just trust me, Reg. I know what I'm doing."

"Sirius, has it occured to you that perhaps if _I_ , a ghost, am concerned for my life-" Regulus was interrupted by another laugh from his brother. _Rude._ "If _I_ am concerned for my life, then perhaps you're being a bit too reckless?"

"Reg, has anyone ever told you you worry too much? We're almost home, stop having a hissy fit." For a moment, Regulus thought Sirius was referring to Grimmauld Place, before remembering that that was no longer his brother's home. Regulus didn't have time to dwell on this, however, because Sirius suddenly pulled into a dive.

Regulus let out a short yelp, as he saw the pavement coming closer and closer. Regulus may have been fairly book smart, but he also knew a thing or two about quidditch, such as: you can't land from a dive. It simply doesn't work, you have to pull out of the dive and slow down before you can safely land. Dives are for going lower, or feinting, and done improperly they led to--as Regulus was now anticipating--a crash.

Regulus shut his eyes, bracing himself, not for the impact, but for the aftermath he knew he'd see. And then, he heard Sirius' voice. "Oi, Regulus! What are you doing up there?" He opened his eyes to see Sirius and his bike, sitting safely below him on the pavement. Regulus then realized he was still several meters above them, floating in mid-air. He made his way down to the ground, to meet Sirius, who was grinning at him. "You thought I was gonna crash, didn't you? Is that why you ditched?"

Regulus shrugged. "Well, _of course_ I thought you were going to crash…"

"Git."

"..but I didn't really mean to stop. I suppose it just...happened. Subconsciously, or something," he added.

Sirius looked from the bike to where Regulus had been a moment ago. "Weird," he said, before continuing, "Anyways, c'mon, my flat's in here." He parked his bike, and led Regulus through the front door of a tall building. As they were walking (or floating, in Regulus' case) up a set of stairs.

After awhile, Sirius asked, "So what do you think of Jessica?" They were just reaching the topmost floor.

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Worst experience of my ghostly life. You're positively insane, you know that?"

Sirius chuckled, as he swung open a door. "Well, you always said I was like Mother."

Regulus stopped. He fixed Sirius with a cold stare. _Did he really just say that?_ "I beg your pardon?" Regulus asked. His voice didn't feel like his. It felt detached somehow, as if only a small part of him was aware that he was the one speaking.

Sirius' brow was furrowed, and he was looking at Regulus with confusion. "What?"

"Don't say things like that," Regulus muttered. He was too tired to have this conversation with Sirius, so he simply floated through the door into his brother's flat.

Sirius followed him, still talking. "C'mon, Reg, lighten up. It was just a joke."

Then again, when was Regulus ever _not_ tired? He whirled around to face his brother, deciding that they _were_ going to have this conversation now. "It's not funny, Sirius. You especially don't get to say that about her."

"Me especially? What's that mean?" Sirius asked.

"I mean that it was one thing for you to make jokes about her, and about the family, and about how...messed up it all was...that was one thing back then, when you were still-" Regulus bit his lip and gathered his courage. It was the truth, wasn't it? He continued, "when you were still one of us, but now-"

"So you admit it then?" Sirius interrupted.

"What?" Regulus asked, furious at being interrupted. "Admit what?"

"That we're not family anymore...that I'm not 'one of you' or whatever,” Sirius was practically spitting the words at him.

“What? Did I miss something, Sirius? Because last I heard, you didn’t want to be a part of this family. You disowned us just as much as she disowned you, and you know it!” Regulus snapped back.

"Oh, you're right, Regulus. Poor you, who didn't have your big brother around to hold your hand through life. All you had was the entire rest of your effing family, how could _I_ possibly understand that?" Sirius mocked. "You know what I had? Ever since I was sorted into Gryffindor I had three sodding people, and I lost one of them last night. But let's talk about how hard it is for _you_ ," he snarled.

"Yeah, well maybe you'd have had more people if you hadn't assumed everyone in our family hated you because of what a _hat_ said when they were _eleven_. But you just can't see past the freaking green and silver, can you, Sirius?" Regulus asked. He knew he was treading into dangerous territory, but he didn't care. He was going to _win_ for once. Sirius had been right about a lot of things, but not this. Regulus was going to win.

"This isn't about houses, Reg. This is about...it's about everything," Sirius told him.

"Everything, huh? Including what you did to Mother?" Regulus rebutted.

"What did I do to Mother, Reg? Enlighten me, why don't you?" Sirius asked. "Did I deprive her of an heir? Did I force her to use her favorite son to continue her precious bloodline? Effing Godric, and all she ever did to me was use unforgivables and tell me I wasn't good enough! How awful of me, if only I had been more like yo-"

"SHUT UP!" Regulus shouted, cutting Sirius off. "Shut up, Sirius. Salazar, I don't know why I thought I could talk to you. You just don't get it, and you're never going to, so just...just shut up about Mother, and leave me alone, will you?" Regulus didn't wait for an answer, but simply sped away down a hallway.

Regulus had no idea where he was, Sirius' flat was rather unfamiliar to him. At the moment, he didn't care. _Oh, sod it all, I'm going to cry._ Regulus hated crying. Hated how weak it made him feel. Hated that he couldn't even think about doing so without hearing his mother's voice in his head. _"Blacks don't cry! Blacks aren't weak!"_ Thinking about his mother was the last thing Regulus wanted to do. There were a lot of reasons why, but he chose to just push them all out of his mind.

Of course, that was easier said than done.

Mother had been so...strong. So powerful. He didn't recognize the woman she'd been right before he died. She had gotten worse after Sirius left. Angrier. But once Father died, she had closed off. Stayed in her room. He heard her crying sometimes, when she had an off day, and forgot a silencing charm.

She'd cry for father, which was odd, as Regulus had never had the impression that his parents loved each other. He'd always assumed the marriage had been arranged for the sake of the bloodline. Especially given their...relation to each other. Perhaps they'd simply grown to love each other over time. Surely that was possible.

She'd cried for Sirius, one night. Possibly more, that she hadn't let Regulus overhear. She cried that she failed him, and if she'd raised him better, he'd have stayed with the family. Regulus didn't think that anyone or anything could've changed Sirius that much. But it had to mean _something_ that she wished he hadn't left.

And then there was Regulus. Regulus who told himself that Mother had never cared for him, because he didn't want to think of her crying for him in the same way. He didn't want to have added to her pain, however warped and twisted it was. So he told himself that no one would ever cry for him. There were several times he wanted to ask Kreacher how she was doing, but he could never bring himself.

"Reg? Regulus? Are you alright?" Sirius was standing at the opposite end of the hallway, unsure. "I thought I heard you crying," his brother said. Regulus could tell Sirius was trying to be comforting, but the last thing Regulus wanted was for Sirius to point it out.

Regulus swallowed the lump in his throat. "Blacks don't cry," he repeated, filling his voice with all the apathy and superiority he could muster.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You still believe that? Reg, everything they told us...it's all nonsense." Sirius winced slightly, and he must have realized that the subject of their parents was still a minefield, because he backpedaled. "I just mean...I'm not gonna yell at you. If you need to cry. Or make fun of you, or act all high and mighty about it, or...anything like that." The idea was reassuring, but Regulus couldn't bring himself to trust it.

"Yeah, well I'm not crying," he lied. Regulus was a decent liar, but Sirius had always been one of the few who could see through him. "So you can just back off, Sirius."

"Yeah, okay," Sirius muttered. Regulus knew his brother wasn't buying it, and was just trying to keep the peace. Or some semblance of peace, rather. "Um, sorry. Just let me know if you need anything? I'm gonna get some sleep." Regulus nodded. He wished he could sleep. He didn't really need it to live, of course. But it'd be nice to stop being awake. To escape from his head.

Even if ghosts could sleep, of course, he'd probably still be plagued by his usual nightmares. He hadn't slept well without Dreamless Sleep since he was fifteen. Which was probably unhealthy, but Regulus hadn't found it in himself to care back then, and he certainly didn't now.

He floated over to the window, and looked out, up to the stars. He could barely see them, but it was just as well. The stars were just one more reminder of his family that Regulus didn't need just then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it was a lot of angst. I felt like I needed to release all of that tension? Like Regulus is just a soda can I spent 10 chapters shaking him up, and then opened.
> 
> Anyways, comment any thoughts about the fic, or my terrible analogy! (No, I will not apologize for the chapter summary, chapter summaries are hard)


	12. Planning

December 30, 1980  
8:00 AM  
Sirius Black's Flat

 **Sirius Black** was exhausted. He had barely slept last night. He couldn't stop thinking of everything Regulus had said. Not to mention all the things that had gone unsaid. Those were the ones that seemed to weigh on him even heavier.

So, when his alarm went off, all he wanted to do was lay in bed. He didn't even remember falling asleep, but it must have happened. He was pretty sure he'd dreamt of something, too, but it was slowly slipping away as his brain woke up.

The last thing Sirius wanted to do was stand up, and go about his day. Unfortunately, he was now awake enough to remember that his brother's ghost was hanging around his flat, and that they needed to get to get to James and Lily's later. With a sigh, he pulled himself up, and made his way to his kitchen, where he started the coffee.

“Oh, you’re up,” Regulus noted, gliding through the kitchen wall.

"Yes," Sirius said, his tone measured. He wasn't sure what to say. He didn't know whether or not Regulus was still upset about last night.

Really, Sirius couldn't even make a guess. They'd never fought like that as kids, Regulus had always given up the fight, and ignored Sirius until he grew tired of the issue. Which, of course, had driven Sirius mad.

But now that Regulus had shouted at him...and then gone off to cry...Sirius didn't know what to think. It was all incredibly out of character.

Which wasn't entirely a bad thing, as Regulus had always hidden his emotions so much. Maybe this change was better? Not that that idea was of any use in the moment. 

"Regs," Sirius began, testing the waters. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

Regulus thought over his response for all of two seconds before he replied with "No. I'd really rather not."

"Oh." Perhaps he was embarrassed Sirius had seen him crying. They'd never been particularly good at feelings, their parents had said emotions were a sign of weakness. Sirius knew for a fact that it drove James crazy, especially when they were younger. "Yeah, that's fine. We don't...we don't _have_ to. Just, y'know...if you want to, I mean, we _can_." Merlin, he was terrible at this.

Regulus was looking at him funny, clearly wondering why on Earth he would _want_ to talk about his feelings. " _Right_. Yeah, I'll keep that in mind."

Sirius didn't think they'd wind up talking about it all that much. He poured himself some coffee, when he heard a tapping at his window. It was an owl, bearing a copy of The Daily Prophet. "Reg, can you open that window?" Sirius asked, before remembering who he was talking to. He walked over to the window himself. "Sorry. I'm just not used to it, is all. I swear, I'll get it eventually."

Regulus shrugged. "It's fine. I don't really care." _You say that about a lot of things, Reg,_ Sirius thought, but he bit his tongue, not wanting a repeat of last night's argument. He let the owl in, and untied the newspaper from its leg.

**Peter Pettigrew Suspected of Death Eater Activity: Whereabouts Unknown**

Whereabouts unknown? Sirius thought. Hadn't they just turned him in to Dumbledore?

_The Department of Magical Law Enforcement has been informed that Peter Pettigrew, age 20, has been suspected of Death Eater activity by his close friends, who shall remain nameless to protect their identities. On the night of December twenty-eight, Pettigrew was with the aforementioned friends when they began to suspect him.  
Albus Dumbledore was contacted, and apprehended the young man, bringing him to the DMLE to be placed under the supervision of Head Auror Alastor Moody. However, when the late shift of the DMLE began, Auror Trainee Kingsley Shacklebolt noted that Pettigrew was nowhere to be found. Both Moody and Shacklebolt have declined to comment, but the DMLE advises readers to be on the lookout for a man…_

Sirius slammed the paper down on his kitchen table, and let out a string of vicious curse words. _How could this have happened? How could he have escaped? Does he know some kind of Dark magic or...oh no. Oh Godric, no, this wasn’t happening. Why didn’t they tell Dumbledore?_

Regulus scoffed, and Sirius turned on him. “What?” he snapped. Regulus was bent over the table, studying the front page. He looked up at Sirius, who sighed. “What is it, Reg?”

“The Prophet’s full of it. _Again_. ‘His close friends, who shall remain nameless to protect their identities’ they’re full of it! Everyone who went to school with us knows that that’s you three,” Regulus said, outraged.

“What are you saying?” Sirius asked.

“What am I saying?” Regulus repeated. “I’m saying there’s a sodding target on your back, Sirius, and it’s not getting any smaller. Just...be careful, cause if you…” Sirius had no idea what his brother was getting at, because Regulus trailed off before changing the topic. “How do you think he escaped?”

Sirius sighed. “I don’t _think_ anything, I know exactly how he did it.” Regulus leaned his head towards Sirius, and raised his eyebrows. “He’s an animagus. A rat.”

“Yeah, right. Sirius the DMLE has access to that information, there’s no way…”

“He’s not registered,” Sirius muttered.

“What?” Regulus asked.

“He’s not registered,” Sirius repeated, before adding, “none of us are.”

“What do you mean ‘none of us’? Who else is an animagus? Are _you_ an animagus? What am I saying, of course you are! Potter and Lupin, too?”

“Just James, listen, Reg, we gotta get to the Potter’s,” Sirius began. He downed his coffee mug in one gulp, wincing at the bitterness. “We need to figure this out.”

Regulus sighed. “We should really be careful…” Sirius didn’t hear the rest, because he was already heading to the door, and pulling on a sweater. “Oh, fine,” he heard Regulus say.

Sirius sprinted down the stairs of the apartment building, Regulus behind him. He just wanted to keep moving, and not stop to think what this could mean. He tried his best, but stray thoughts kept floating through his mind. _We could go to Azkaban...the Dementors...he’d have to leave Regulus…again._

Sirius ignored the chill he felt when he stepped outside, and hopped on his bike. He put his key in the ignition, and Jessica hummed to life. The air suddenly became even colder, and he realized Regulus was behind him on the bike. He revved the engine, when Regulus spoke up. “Wait! Sirius, you need a disillusionment charm, if you’re gonna take this thing in the sky.” Sirius sighed, but he knew Regulus was right. It wasn’t the middle of the night anymore, and the last thing he needed was to break the Statute of Secrecy. He lazily cast the charm. Not his best work, but they’d be high up enough.

After they had been flying for some time, Regulus asked "When did you become an animagus?"

Sirius thought about it for a moment, before deciding it was all going to come out one way or another. "Fifth year."

"Fifth year? You were still in school?" Regulus was outraged.

Sirius grinned at his brother's shock. "Yeah."

"Are you stupid? You could've gotten in so much trouble, you could've messed up the spell for Agrippa's sake!"

"Yeah, but I didn't," Sirius replied, somewhat cockily, he'd admit. "And the goal is to _avoid_ getting in trouble. That's why we need to talk to James."

"What's your form?" Regulus asked after a while.

"A dog," Sirius answered.

"Of course," Regulus murmured. "Of course it's a dog. What, the naming seer just couldn't be bothered by the time I came around?"

Sirius hadn't thought about the naming seer in years. The more he thought about it though, the funnier it was. Regulus really had _no_ idea, did he? Sirius thought about telling him, but ultimately ruled against it. _He'll catch on soon enough...and he'll hate it when he does._ Sirius just laughed, as they touched down in the Potter’s driveway, before remembering what they had come for, and sobering with worry.

 **Remus Lupin** paced back and forth in the Potter’s living room. _How could I let this happen? This is all my fault! If I’d just stopped them in fifth year...if I’d never told them...if I’d never been bitten in the first place…_

“Rem, why don’t you sit down?” Lily offered, patting the spot next to her on the couch. Remus shook his head. “Remus, please...you’re worrying yourself too much,” she insisted.

Remus huffed, but relented. “Fine,” he muttered, sitting down. Lily reached out for his hand and squeezed it, trying to be reassuring.

James walked in, levitating three mugs of tea. He flicked his wand once, and two of them floated over to Lily and Remus. “I sent Sirius a patronus,” he offered.

They sat in silence for a short moment, until they heard--as if on cue--the engine of Sirius’ motorbike outside. The engine stopped, and there was a knock on the door. James stood up and rushed to the front door.

“Padfoot?”

“Yup,” Sirius’ voice answered. “Open the door, it’s freezing out here!”

“Pads, I need to ask you your security question, first.” Sirius sighed as James ploughed ahead. “Okay, um, what is your theme song?”

“Dancing Queen, by Abba.”

“I’m sorry, what?” asked a second, similar voice. Remus had to remind himself it was probably Regulus. Remus almost smiled at his confusion.

“Shut up, Reg. Okay, James: what did I say when you became head boy?”

James sighed. Remus knew he hated that question. “You asked if I was gonna be a cliche, and go out with the head girl.” Remus heard somebody--probably Regulus--snort. The door opened. “You got my message then?” James asked.

“Must have missed it,” Sirius answered. “Just came as soon as I saw the Prophet.”

“That explains the get-up.”

Sirius laughed. “Shut up, Prongs.”

James entered the living room again, Sirius and Regulus behind him. Remus realized what James must have been talking about. He was in his pajamas, with an old house sweater pulled over his shirt, and his combat boots on his feet, the laces tied in rushed knots.

“Hey, Rem, Lily” Sirius acknowledged with a weak smile. He sucked in a breath, before continuing, “I take it you saw the paper?” he asked. It wasn’t exactly a question, though. They’d all seen the Prophet, and now here they were.

“Yeah,” Remus answered anyways. “I feel bloody awful about it.”

“What? Why?” Sirius asked. “It’s not _your_ fault, Moony.”

James gave Remus a look. A “See? I told you so” look. A look that usually _Remus_ gave to _him_. Remus rolled his eyes. “Is so. I never should have let you guys-”

“Let us?” Sirius asked. “Let us? Rem, we never gave you a chance, remember? We didn’t tell you until we’d up and done it, because...well, because we thought you wouldn’t let us.”

“But if I’d never told you guys I was a werewolf in the first place…”

“You didn’t,” James said, exasperated. “We figured it out for ourselves. Honestly, I’m a little hurt you remember so little of our friendship.”

 _Oh, for the love of Godric._ “James…” Remus muttered, massaging his forehead with his hand.

“They’re right, Remus,” Lily pointed out.

“If I’d never been bitten, then-”

“No,” Sirius interrupted.

“No?” Remus asked incredulously. “What do you mean no, I didn’t finish.”

“Yeah, but I know where that sentence was going, and it was stupid. It wasn’t your fault you were bitten, Moony, got it?” Sirius was staring at him firmly, his gray eyes determined, and not backing down. Sirius was so stubborn sometimes. _Okay, so maybe being bitten wasn’t my fault,_ Remus thought. _But does that mean that it’s Dad’s?_

Remus just wanted to accept the blame. His friends had been trying to do something nice for him. They didn’t deserve any trouble because of it.

“Look, Lupin,” Regulus spoke up, his voice assertive. “We’re stuck in the same situation no matter whose fault it is. I don’t care whether or not you want to accept it or dish it out, stop playing the blame game.” Remus’ eyes widened, and he stared at the boy for a moment, thinking about what he’d just said. Remus didn’t quite know what it was, but what Regulus had said just...made sense.

“Regulus, please,” Sirius muttered, exhausted. “Just be civil?” Regulus held up his hands in mock surrender.

Remus shrugged. “I mean...he’s right. I- we should just figure this all out.” Regulus raised a fairly sassy eyebrow at his brother.

James clapped his hands together. “Alright then. Let’s get to planning. Sirius, Regulus: tea?” he offered, before shaking his head slightly. “Sorry, I mean...um, just Sirius then. Tea, Padfoot?”

“Please,” Sirius answered.

James nodded, and walked to the kitchen, but not before sending an extremely awkward apologetic look at Regulus, who rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, Potter.”

“Really?” James asked.

“Yes, really, it’s no big deal,” Regulus insisted. “Besides, incorporeality has its perks, I suppose. Sirius hasn’t accosted me and forced me into a hug yet.” They all laughed, apart from Sirius, who let out a sort of angry huff, but even he sounded slightly amused.

James disappeared into the kitchen, and Remus turned to Sirius. “There’s an Order meeting tonight. We’re gonna have to tell them something.”

“What it comes down to, Rem,” Sirius said after a short deliberation, “is do you want them to know about your condition?”

Remus sighed, and then said with a shrug, “I suppose it’ll be easier on you two if you explain why you did it.”

“That’s not what Sirius asked, Remus,” Lily piped up from her spot on the couch. “Do you want them to know about you, yes or no?”

Remus bit his lip, thinking about it. The short answer was no, he didn’t want them to know. But when has the short answer ever told the whole story?

It wasn’t that he thought they’d treat him any worse for it. Well, perhaps some of the older members might. They tended to be a bit more traditional. It was such traditionalism that led to their dislike of Sirius, though whether it was his last name or his motorcycle Remus wasn't sure. _No, everyone will certainly be nice enough about it,_ he decided, _probably _too _nice._ And therein lay the issue. Remus didn't want anyone to pity him because of his condition. It had been sixteen years. He was used to it. He could handle it.__

__But if it was just the pity he didn't want...wasn't it worth it if it could help James and Sirius? If it could keep them out of (he winced at the thought he'd been avoiding all morning) _Azkaban_?_ _

__“They can know,” Remus decided. “We can tell them.”_ _

__Regulus cleared his throat. “Um, pardon my interruption, but if I may...what exactly is the story here?”_ _

__Lily and Remus looked at Sirius. “You didn’t explain it?” Lily asked._ _

__Sirius shrugged sheepishly. “I said we came as soon as I saw the Prophet. Like _as soon_ as I saw the prophet.”_ _

__Regulus nodded. “The whole ordeal was rather rushed. Although, he did explain that he’s a dog, and was stupid enough to attempt it as a fifth year.”_ _

__“Attempt?” Sirius asked, with a smirk. “It worked, didn’t it?”_ _

__Regulus rolled his eyes. “So I’ve heard. Anyways, if someone could kindly fill me in?”_ _

__Remus cleared his throat. “Right, well. Essentially, I- well, those three figured out I was a werewolf, and they wanted to...help, I suppose.”_ _

__Sirius nodded. “Right. And Minnie just happened to be teaching about animagi that year, so we did a bit of extra research, and- Well, I don’t know how much you know about werewolves Reg--apart from the usual pureblood bilge about soulless monsters and the like--but they only hurt people, not other animals, and..”_ _

__Realization dawned on Regulus’ face. “And that includes animagi,” he finished._ _

__Sirius nodded. “Exactly. So, we finally got it in fifth year, and we told Remus, and he… well, he kinda freaked out because…because it’s illegal. And, y’know, at the time we didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I mean, we didn’t think we’d get caught, but also-”_ _

__“Also we were kind of idiots,” James said, walking into the living room. He was carrying a mug of tea, which he handed to Sirius before he continued, “we thought it was worth it to help Moony,” Remus winced a bit, but James fixed him with a look without missing a beat. “And it _was_ , of course it was. If I had it to do-over again I’d make the same choice.”_ _

__Remus furrowed his brow at James. “But?”_ _

__James shrugged. “But it was a risk. We took a lot of risks at school. This is just the one that caught up to us.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Sirius agreed. “Besides, we were going to get registered. The plan was to do it after this war was over, but then...then the war kept going on.” Remus frowned at the thought._ _

__They’d been so young-- _and perhaps we still are_ \--and they’d been so naive. To think the war would be over soon. To think they wouldn’t lose any of their own. _To think that we’d come out the other side the same. To think that we’d come out the other side at all._ But no, he couldn’t think like that. He had to focus, he couldn’t disappear into his head the way he could at school._ _

__“Alright,” Lily said. “So we tell the Order then?”_ _

__James and Sirius looked at each other._ _

__**James Potter** wasn’t who he was when he was fifteen. Very few twenty-year-olds are, to be fair. James had changed a lot over the years, he was certain of that. He wasn’t the only one, though. His friends had changed, the world had changed. And his life had changed._ _

__When he was fifteen, all he thought was that he wanted to help Remus, and risking it with potentially dangerous and illegal magic was worth it. He hadn’t thought that one day he’d have a wife and a son who would be in trouble if he got sent to Azkaban. He was a husband, and a father. He couldn’t leave Lily and Harry._ _

___What it comes down to,_ James thought as he stirred sugar into Sirius tea, the way he knew his mate liked it, _is whether or not they’d be safer if the Aurors catch Pettigrew.__ _

___...but even if they know he’s an animagus, they might not catch him...but they’ll never catch him if no one tells them._ _ _

__He stood there awhile, debating the issue with himself. He didn’t really see Peter as dangerous. But the information Peter had...now that was what concerned him._ _

__No, they had to tell the Order. That was the right thing to do. It was best for Lily and Harry. And even if he had to...leave them. They’d still have Remus. Remus would take care of them. And Marlene. And Frank and Alice, probably._ _

__And Regulus could help them figure things out with the horcruxes. Everything would be fine. Well, maybe not for him. And maybe not for Sirius. He couldn’t bear to think of his best friend in Azkaban. It worried him more than thinking about it for himself. Sirius had been through so much, James could only imagine what the dementors would do to him._ _

__James sighed, and stared at the mug of tea in front of him. They needed to make a plan. He needed to make sure his family would be alright without him. He needed...to stop dwelling on it all by himself._ _

__He picked up the tea and made his way back into the living room. Where Sirius was explaining the situation to Regulus. “...didn’t think we’d get caught, but also-”_ _

__“Also we were kind of idiots,” James pitched in as he walked in. He handed Sirius his tea. “We thought it was worth it to help Moony.” James noticed Remus’ face fall a bit. He looked at his friend as he continued. “And it _was_ , of course it was. If I had it to do-over again I’d make the same choice.” And wasn’t that a thought? Because hadn’t James just been wondering that? But no, he’d definitely do it again. And again and again, because Remus was his friend. He never could’ve left Remus behind like that._ _

__Remus looked at him. “But?” he coaxed._ _

__James just shrugged. “But it was a risk. We took a lot of risks at school. This is just the one that caught up to us.”_ _

__Sirius nodded. “Yeah. Besides, we were going to get registered. The plan was to do it after this war was over, but then...then the war kept going on.” James nodded. He remembered making those plans with Sirius, and of course, with Peter. They’d made a lot of plans back then, if only because the end of the war seemed so close._ _

__But joining the Order had shown James just how far behind they were. They were losing this war. Badly. And speaking of the Order…_ _

__“Alright. So we tell the Order then?” Lily asked the room. James looked at Remus, who nodded. _Well_ , James thought, _if it's alright with him._ He and Sirius exchanged a look before nodding as well._ _

__"Are you all crazy?" Regulus asked. "I mean...you could get sent to Azkaban. There has to be a way to tell them about Pettigrew without mentioning-"_ _

__"Reg," Sirius cut off. "We're not gonna lie to the Order. We can trust them. Maybe not Dumbledore," Sirius added, before Regulus could say it. "But we trust the rest of them. We can't keep them in the dark like Dumbledore has been doing to us. I mean, we're already hiding all this horcrux stuff, and, well… _you_."_ _

__" _Thanks_ ," Regulus muttered bitterly._ _

__Much to James’ surprise, Sirius simply sighed before he shot back: "Reg, we both know I’m not good at words, so can’t you just use that sodding brain of yours to realize I didn’t mean to insult you?”_ _

__Silence hung in the air for a moment before Regulus answered. He seemed rather shocked, and with good reason. “I...fine. Yeah, sure. But Sirius, is there no way to tell them this without you two admitting to it?”_ _

__“Not that they’d believe. There’d be two many holes in the story, they’d piece it together. It’s best to just be up front.”_ _

__“Fine. But you--both of you--you have to fight, still. You can’t just accept it. You have to at least try. I...I doubt Dumbledore is playing by the Ministry’s rules, if you can convince them it could be useful to the Order…”_ _

__James shook his head. “We need the DMLE to catch Peter. He knows too much," he said._ _

__"But..." Regulus looked like he was thinking hard about something, before he relented and hung his head, defeated. "Fine, just…" he looked up at Sirius "just try not to...get arrested."_ _

__Sirius gave him a weak smile. “That’s the plan.”_ _


	13. Strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OG Order!!! These random names that were mentioned once each in OotP saw my minor character addiction and said "Is that a challenge?!"
> 
> I love them so much you guys...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: Dumbledore bashing. It's pretty light, our main character's haven't fully jumped on the hate train yet. Briefly implied Edgar Bones bashing. Sorry Edgar Bones stans, I just needed to name on OG order member.  
>  ~~I guess normal people don't warn for Edgar Bones bashing, but I stan Reginald Cattermole and Dirk Cresswell, so you never know~~

December 30, 1980  
Caradoc Dearborn’s House  
7:30 PM

**Lily Potter** would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared. She was terrified. It had been...alarming, to say the least, to learn James was an animagus. She’d known then that it was illegal, but it hadn’t hit her the same way. The boys were careful. They’d never gotten caught. Of course, that had been when they were in school…

And it had been wonderful of them to do that for Remus. She loved how selfless James could be. But now...she was worried. What if James got sent away to Azkaban? What if he had to leave her?

Lily looked at Harry in her arms, worried. She barely knew how to be a parent, let alone do it by herself. Not to mention in the wizarding world. Is there a spattergroit vaccine? Rec league quidditch? Primary school? Lily had no idea, she’d grown up in the muggle world.

Sure, she'd have Remus around, hopefully. That was the plan anyway, but...well, he wasn’t _James_. James was her husband now. They were meant to be a family. They were meant to have years, decades together. It couldn’t end so suddenly. _Not when I was the one who delayed it starting,_ Lily thought.

“Lily?” She started at the sound of her name.

“Hm?” Lily looked around, and saw Frank sitting next to her, bouncing Neville on his knee.

He chuckled. “You’re awfully jumpy. I was only asking whether or not you’d started solids?” He nodded at Harry.

Lily sighed in relief, at which Frank raised a brow, but didn’t question it. “No, not yet. I suppose we ought to, but James and I have been a bit distracted. Things have gotten...crazy, recently.” _Have I said too much? We didn’t exactly decide on a cover story...maybe we should have._

“I don’t blame you,” Frank sympathized. “I saw the Prophet this morning, I still can’t believe it.” _Right, of course. He just thinks I’m talking about Peter._ Of course, she wasn’t _not_ talking about Peter.

“Yeah, we figured that’d come up tonight,” Lily said, and, because Frank was so easy to talk to, she continued, “the boys are rather nervous about it. And...I am too, if I’m honest. It really came out of nowhere, I just…I don’t understand it.” At some point her voice had dropped to a whisper.

Frank adopted a thoughtful expression. “People aren’t themselves when they’re afraid, I don’t think.” _The rest of us are terrifiedand we’re plenty ourselves._

Before she could voice the thought, James sat down next to her on the couch. “Hey, love. Dumbledore’s just gotten here.” The worry was clear on his face. Around them, everyone else was finding seats in the Dearborn’s living room.

“Oh. Brilliant. I expect...everything we talked about,” she said at length, giving her husband a meaningful look, “will be addressed sooner, rather than later.” James nodded. Lily reached out to squeeze his hand. She realized Sirius had sat down on her husband’s other side, and was anxiously bouncing his leg. It was mildly irritating, but Lily said nothing. They were all nervous enough.

Dumbledore strode into the room, his magenta robes billowing slightly. “Good evening, all,” he said, his voice quiet, yet commanding as he addressed the room at large. “We have much to discuss, this evening, so perhaps we should, as they say, hop to it?” There was a general murmur of agreement throughout the room. The professor clapped his hands together. “Splendid. Now, I would assume you’ve all read this morning’s Prophet? I must say I find it incredibly serendipitous that we had a meeting already scheduled for this evening.”

Lily wrinkled her brow at the comment, and felt James tense next to her. She turned to see him, and Sirius beside him, staring daggers at their former headmaster.

“So the Prophet’s telling the truth then?” Gideon Prewett asked from where he was sitting on the floor.

“Aye, for once!” The gruff voice belonged to “Mad-Eye'' Moody, who quickly limped to the front of the room using his staff. Dumbledore acknowledged him with a nod, and stepped aside. “Blasted rat-'' Lily frowned at the word choice, and she felt James flinch next to her. Mad-Eye didn’t miss a beat, though, “-got out of the holding cell last night. Gave Shacklebolt quite the scare, seein’ it empty.” There were murmurs around the room, but they stopped when Mad-Eye spoke again. “We got our best men on the job, but we haven’t any idea how he’s done it, given his wand had been confiscated upon his arrival at the ministry.”

The room fell into silence, and Lily felt James squeeze her hand. She looked at him, but he’d already turned to Sirius. The two seemed to be having a silent conversation. They must have reached a consensus, because James gave her hand a final squeeze before both boys stood up.

**James Potter** looked back at all the eyes watching him. He was really about to do this. He was really going to tell the Order about everything. He remembered being in school, and when anyone had asked questions they’d grin enigmatically and say it was a “Marauder’s secret.” Perhaps it was an odd reminiscence to have just then, but he shook himself out of it. Everyone was staring at them.

James cleared his throat nervously. “I- we, that is, Sirius and I, should tell you all something.” Blank stares. “We might- well, we _do_ , know how Peter escaped.” Now _that_ got a reaction. There were a few murmurs, or gasps, and everyone looked reasonably shocked. Except Mad-Eye, who looked doubtful, and Dumbledore, who looked as if his favorite radio program had just come on. “Well, er, it’s a long story, but when we were in school--the four of us--we found out that…” James turned around to look at Remus, trying to subtly ask if he wanted to explain it for himself.

Remus stood up with a sigh. “Since...certain things have...come up, I think it may be prudent to...inform you all, that…” he paused longer this time, having run out of words to stall with. James wondered if Dumbledore and McGonagall might have guessed where this was going, as they were both giving Remus encouraging nods to continue. “I...am a werewolf.” There were a few murmurs around the room, and James glared in their direction. “I understand if you all don’t want me to-” _Oh Godric, this again._

Before James could say anything, Sirius spoke up. “No, Rem. Sit down, no one’s kicking you out.”

“Not really your decision, _Black_ ,” Edgar Bones muttered.

“And it’s yours, Bones?” James asked.

“If I may,” Dumbledore began calmly. “I have no intention of kicking anyone out of the Order. We cannot treat others with the contempt that Lord Voldemort and his followers harbor for those with circumstances outside of their control.” He gave Sirius a look that James could not decipher. “After all, we are supposed to be different from them, as I’ve been reminded.” Sirius looked at James, who shrugged in response. James didn’t entirely trust Dumbledore anymore, but he didn’t exactly find him to be the malicious type, either. The man was simply an enigma.

Mad-Eye nodded, and looked around the room while staring Remus down. “I trust ye, Lupin.” His blue eye swiveled again, and James tried not to flinch under its gaze, although he wouldn’t be surprised if Mad-eye could pick up on even his smallest movements. “What’s this got to do with Pettigrew, Potter?”

James cleared his throat anxiously. “Well, we think, or rather, we _know_ , that he escaped because..he’sananimagus.” The few people that understood what James had said gave him odd looks, sure they had misheard him. Of course, it wasn’t too difficult to convince oneself that they’d misheard when James spoke as rushed as he had.

“I beg your pardon?” asked Professor McGonagall.

**Sirius Black** had been the sort of student, and person, for that matter, who always viewed “rules” as suggestions, or recommendations, or, more often than not, a _challenge_. This had led to some questionable decisions in his seven years at Hogwarts. Questionable as in risky, illegal, and could get you expelled and/or thrown into Azkaban.

In all those times being in trouble, nothing--not even the piercing gaze of Albus Dumbledore--had compared to seeing his head of house disappointed in him. Minerva McGonagall was awfully strict, yes, but she did care for her students a great deal. Sirius had always been proficient in transfiguration, and despite all the trouble the four of them-- _Merlin, it’s not four anymore, is it?_ \--had gotten up to, she was rather patient (given the circumstances, at least).

Before he had Mrs. Potter, he had Professor McGonagall. Perhaps that was about to change, though…

“Pettigrew’s an animagus,” Sirius forced himself to say. “Me and James, too.” McGonagall narrowed her eyes, and Sirius looked away. His eyes flitted around the room, before he settled for looking down at his boots. “We wanted to help Remus,” he said, quiet, but just loud enough to be heard. There were murmurs around the room. They were doomed.

Even McGonagall wouldn’t be on their side, he knew it. It was really happening, he and James were going to get sent to Azkaban. It could not have happened at a worse time. James was supposed to be there for Lily and Harry, and Sirius...he’d just gotten Regulus back.

If Regulus had been mad when Sirius left him in Grimmauld, what would he think now? Regulus would definitely hate Sirius now, if he’d ever stopped hating him.

He had lost Regulus over, and over, and over. When Regulus had been sorted into Slytherin, and Sirius was stupid enough to think that meant he’d be just like the rest of them. When Sirius ran away, and Regulus refused to talk to him at school. When they’d shouted at each other in their sixth and seventh years, and Sirius began to suspect what Regulus had done. When Regulus died. It still hurt to think of itt. That one he had thought there was no coming back from, but he stood corrected.

But now here he was, about to ruin it all again. Regulus had been counting on him. They were gonna sort out his unfinished business, and maybe put an end to the stupid war, but now...they couldn’t. And Sirius hadn’t even said good-bye, it hadn’t even occurred to him that the Aurors probably wouldn’t give him a chance. And what would he do, ask if he could talk to his dead, ex-Death Eater brother before getting locked away? The only way that could help would be if it got him out of Azkaban and landed him in St. Mungo’s. Not to mention Regulus being a ghost was supposed to be kept quiet, at least for now.

Sirius felt tears in the corners of his eyes, and he remembered Regulus, just the other night. _“Black’s don’t cry,”_ he had been wrong, obviously. So wrong it wasn’t even funny, but Sirius couldn’t help but wonder if Regulus would cry in his situation. The answer was a resounding no, of course. But it reminded him what Regulus had said to him earlier that day.

_“You have to fight, still. You can’t just accept it. You have to at least try… if you can convince them it could be useful to the Order…”_

Regulus was right. Gryffindors don’t go down without putting up a fight. And neither did Blacks for that matter.

Sirius held his head up, and steeled himself. “I’m sure you’ll want to be arresting us, but you ought to reconsider,” he said. His voice was nothing like it usually was. He sounded like a proper pureblood all of a sudden. He was talking like Regulus, or his father. Sirius had no idea where it came from, but he supposed he had picked up a _few_ things in fifteen years.

People were listening, at least. James, Lily, and Remus were all looking at him confused. This they hadn’t planned for. The plan was to lay the story out and hope for the best. “And why’s that, Black?” Moody grumbled. Although his eye was looking them both up and down in an appraising sort of manner, that Sirius interpreted as some form of consideration.

“Well, it could be a useful disguise...and James and I are good duelists, you wouldn’t want to lose us,” Sirius had no idea if anyone would agree with that, but he figured it was best to state it as if it were a fact. “And…” _There has to be more to it...c’mon, think like a Slytherin,_ Sirius told himself. “And you can keep Peter’s form quiet, just within the DMLE. That way we’ll have leverage with him if we need it. And Peter knows all sorts of things about us four, Lily and Harry are safer with James around. And we know things about him, too, you can use us. And…” _Should I say it? They might be more inclined to lock me up if I mention it. Maybe not Dumbledore, though, and maybe not Mad-Eye…_ “I know a bit about Dark Magic, from growing up.” There were gasps around the room, and a few whispers.

“Oh, quiet, all of yeh,” grunted Mad-Eye. “I know plenty, too. Only difference is I chose to learn it, if we’re criticizing anyone, it oughtta be me, wouldn’tcha say?” His eye stared down everyone who had whispered in turn, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel grateful for the support. “I agree with mister Black. Morals are one thing, Albus, but if we stick to the letter of the law, when our enemies completely disregard the spirit of it, then we’re only making an uphill battle for ourselves.”

Dumbledore nodded. “I must agree with Alastor. I hope you will all remain in the Order, on the condition that you boys register with the Ministry.” Sirius couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Not just yet, of course. We ought to be wary of the establishment, for now. As we all know, Voldemort and his followers have no qualms about the Imperius curse. But perhaps once the dust of this war has settled, I’m sure Minerva would be delighted to help you two.”

Sirius looked up at his old teacher who was giving him and James a stern nod. He couldn’t help but wonder if there might be a smile behind her tightly pressed lips.

James, Remus, and Sirius recounted the entire story, until everyone was satisfied with the details, and then it was Order business as usual. Nothing too noteworthy was discussed, although Sirius was glad to see that Dumbledore informed everyone on what they knew about the Dark Marks.

Afterwards, everyone stood around talking. Remus was talking to Alice, while the babies on their laps babbled at each other nonsensically. James was off with Lily, talking to Mrs. Figg for some reason. This meant, unfortunately, that Sirius was stuck by himself, explaining to Benjy Fenwick that he wouldn’t be able to come to his New Year’s Eve party after all. Benjy was a nice enough bloke, but unfortunately he asked why, and Sirius didn’t think “I have family visiting”--or any version of the truth, for that matter--would be believable. Luckily, at that moment, he was saved by McGonagall appearing over Benjy’s shoulder.

“Pardon me, Benjy, but I’d like a word with Sirius.” Benjy seemed to be just as shocked to hear his first name as Sirius was, but he stepped away to talk to Marlene and the Prewetts. McGonagall looked at Sirius in a slightly scrutinizing way, that made him feel fifteen again. “I have to say, I’m surprised at you, Sirius.” Sirius opened his mouth to apologize, but McGonagall continued. “That was extremely advanced magic for a fifteen year old. And I should know.”

“Oh. You’re not...upset with us?” Sirius asked. After the words came out, he couldn’t help but feel that it was a stupid question.

“Well, perhaps you could’ve gone about this all in a much more responsible manner, I’ll tell you that. But you had very noble intentions.” Sirius stared at her, shocked. Perhaps a part of him had still expected to be lectured for breaking the rules. _Old habits die hard, I suppose._ “I’m very proud to have had you boys in my house.”

Sirius beamed with pride at her words. “Thank you, Professor.”

McGonagall gave him a curt nod. “I have to say, you two have always had a talent for getting yourselves into and out of trouble.”

Sirius laughed, hoping she didn’t pick up on the slightly forced and nervous nature of it. If only she knew what else-and _who_ else-they were hiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! I had so much fun playing with Sirius' Slytherin aspects. Let me know what you thought, I love hearing from you!


	14. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's all Regulus POV. We haven't had one of those since the Prologue...enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Househusband!James Potter supremacy
> 
> No tw, I believe, apart from a bit of emotional repression
> 
> Also: sorry for the chaos of uploading, a section of it kept getting cut out. It was an easy fix, though. (If it helps anyone else who has trouble with html, double check which way your <> are pointing.)

December 30, 1980  
The Potter’s House  
9:39 PM

 **Regulus Black** looked at the clock in the Potter’s kitchen, wishing everyone would hurry up and get home. He had been perfectly fine by himself for a while, and was prepared to get some reading done. He had only made it a few pages before realizing something was off with Kreacher. The elf usually remained still when Regulus was reading, but he had been incessantly fidgety.

It turned out to be completely normal on one level, and incredibly curious on another. It was a common case in house-elves that there are often times where an elf hasn’t been explicitly forbidden to do something, and yet knows that doing it would be against their master’s wishes. Or the reverse could be true, in which an elf believes they can do something their master would want them to, but cannot unless outright told. It usually wasn’t too big an issue from Kreacher, who had been an elf a long time, and was familiar enough with the family to make a judgement for himself. The issue was that Kreacher, in a roundabout sort of way, now served two conflicting masters.

If Kreacher wasn’t already biased toward Regulus, he’d probably have to adhere more strictly to Mother’s orders. As it was, this particular situation was simply a small hiccup caused by Kreacher’s continued forced loyalty to her.

After wrestling with wording a bit, Regulus was able to get Kreacher to tell him what he had overheard. And Merlin, was it big. Kreacher had listened in while Mother was having tea with Cissa and Bella. Regulus continued pouring over his notes, trying to fit in what he’d just found out.

Kreacher had to go back to Grimmauld to prevent Mother getting suspicious, but before he could, Regulus asked the elf to scatter his notes over the Potter’s kitchen table, floor, countertops--any available surface--so he could read over them by himself. He began to make plans, before remembering that they couldn’t go any further until the others got back with the Order’s verdict.

This thought had led to the exact type of thoughts Regulus had been trying to avoid all night. All day, really. Sirius could go to Azkaban. Regulus would never see his brother again. He’d lose him all over. And if Sirius died there...that’d be it. Forever. There would be no meeting on the other side for them. Sirius would go on to Grandmother’s garden, or whatever it is that comes next, and Regulus would be forced to stay behind on Earth. He knew that, when he chose to be a ghost. Or at least, he would’ve, if he’d even thought about it. Truth be told, making up (or even interacting) with Sirius hadn’t been in the cards until after the fact, when Regulus knew he and Kreacher weren’t getting anywhere alone.

But Regulus had enjoyed having his brother back, if only for two days, and now he didn’t want to lose him. Unfortunately, it seemed a pretty open and shut case if they needed to inform the DMLE. Which according to Sirius and James, they did.

The living room fireplace roared with the unmistakable sound of floo travel, and Regulus looked up from the notes he had never _really_ been looking at in the first place. He was about to find out. “Hello?” someone called. Potter. So far, so good. Regulus glided through the wall separating the kitchen from the living room, and sure enough, there was Sirius.

“Oh, thank Merlin!” Regulus said in relief. “They let you off? How? Why?”

Sirius grinned. “Aww, were you worried about me, Regs?” he teased.

Regulus scowled at him. “I needn’t have been,” he remarked coolly, putting his proverbial mask back up, and berating himself for wearing his emotions on his sleeve like a sodding Gryffindor.

“And why’s that?” Sirius asked, a fairly obnoxious expression on his face.

“Oh, just stop you two,” Lily said dismissively, cradling Harry in her arms. “Of course Regulus was worried,” She may have been trying to help, but Regulus really wished she wouldn’t. “Anyone would be worried, _I_ was worried. And if you two could knock it off for two seconds, I’d suggest that we celebrate.”

“Here, here!” James chorused. “I think I’ve got some Ogden’s somewhere.” He left the living room in search of said Ogden’s, Remus following, and Lily heading upstairs.

Sirius hung back for a moment. Regulus crossed his arms defiantly, not meeting Sirius’ eyes. “I just would’ve missed you, okay?”

“Okay,” was all Sirius said at first. He seemed a little shocked. “I’d have missed you, too, Regs.” Regulus gave a half smile at the words, and was about to make his way out of the living room. “You know there’s nothing wrong with that, right?” Regulus furrowed his brow, and looked at Sirius curiously. “I mean...it doesn’t make you weak or whatever. Having feelings. I shouldn’t have teased you for it.”

Regulus felt incredibly transparent, no pun intended. That was one thing he’d have to get used to again, if he’d be spending time with Sirius. His brother could read him like an open book. Regulus was never sure if Sirius was simply that good at seeing through his facade, or if he let his guard down just enough with his older brother.

Sirius’ eyes were still on him, and Regulus was debating what he should say in response when Potter’s voice echoed through the house. “What is this?”

Regulus had no idea what he was talking about, but then he remembered. _The kitchen...my notes...I never picked them up...well, how could I?_ No longer worried about Sirius, or Azkaban, or any of it, Regulus found the whole situation incredibly funny. He grinned before taking the shortcut--also known as a wall--to the kitchen. There, he met a furious James Potter, staring at the parchment that was practically wallpapering the room.

Regulus smirked. “Well, the thing is, Potter-”

“What did you do to my kitchen, Black?” Potter demanded. He looked slightly murderous, to be honest. To the extent that Regulus sobered for a moment, before remembering he couldn’t be murdered. Remus stood in the doorway, clearly torn between laughing, and not wanting to face Potter’s rage for himself. Sirius and Lily approached him from behind, taking in the sight for themselves, and smirking.

“As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,” Regulus began. Sirius, Lily, and Remus exchanged a look behind Potter’s back, and Lily had to stifle a laugh. “I was trying to get some research done this evening, as some new information has come to light. When Kreacher had to leave, I suggested he spread out my notes, so I could look at them by myself. Clearly, I had more notes than I originally thought.”

Remus snorted, and Potter continued to glare. “Clearly,” he muttered disdainfully. Sirius seemed to be enjoying himself, and looked at Regulus with what might have been admiration.

“Yes. But...well, you know how house-elves can be. So here we are.” Regulus held out his arms, gesturing to the room at large.

“You’ll have to forgive James,” Lily said, trying not to sound too amused. “He’s rather particular about the kitchen. Does all the cooking.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “I see,” he said casually. “I didn’t realize you were a househusband, Potter.” Sirius and Remus lost it then, roaring with laughter.

Potter glared at his friends, which only encouraged them. “Could’ve at least cleaned it up,” he muttered.

Regulus smirked. “Oh, how rude of me.” He made to grab a page off of the table, his hand passing through it.

“Okay, okay, I get it!” Potter grumbled. “Sorry, Regulus. Can someone just-”

The papers flew into the air, and organized themselves into a stack, before landing in the center of the table. Potter turned to Remus, who was still holding his wand, and evidently had been the one to do the spell. “Is your tantrum over now, househusband?” he asked innocently, walking past him into the kitchen.

“Excuse you, Lupin, I’d be an amazing househusband!” Potter declared indignantly.

“No, love,” Lily said, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. “You _are_ an amazing househusband. Now, get the firewhiskey, will you?” Potter pouted a bit, but complied, and began pouring the four of them glasses.

“Did you say there’s new information, Regulus?” Remus asked.

“Yes!” Regulus lit up as he remembered what he found out. “You see, Kreacher was-”

“Regs,” Sirius interjected. “Let’s worry about that tomorrow? We have plenty of time, and we were stressing ourselves out all day. Let’s celebrate for once!”

Regulus looked at him. Surely he couldn’t mean that? They had work to do, they could celebrate when the war was over.

Sirius, once again able to tell what he was thinking, interrupted his thoughts. “You need to slow down, Regs. You’re gonna crack under all this pressure.” Regulus couldn’t help but feel that there was an unspoken _“again”_ in Sirius’ words. Of course, that just proved Sirius was right.

“Fine. So, how did it go tonight?” Regulus asked.

“Well, all credit to Sirius, he was amazing,” Potter said.

“Really?” Regulus asked.

“Your confidence means the world to me, Reg,” Sirius joked. Regulus held up his hands in defense.

“He was brilliant,” Potter insisted. “I mean, we were both rather panicked, but Sirius just kinda...snapped out of it. Started talking strategy, and the advantages it would have for the Order. He got Mad-Eye on our side, and then Mad-Eye got Dumbledore.”

Regulus looked Sirius over. It sounded incredibly out of character for him, but Regulus was impressed nonetheless. It was a puzzle though, it didn’t seem like the way Sirius would go about it. _In fact…_ Regulus smirked. “What?” Sirius asked, when he saw the expression.

“How very Slytherin of you,” Regulus teased.

Sirius’ face flashed with confusion, before settling on looking annoyed. “You take that back!” he demanded.

“It’s not an insult,” Regulus said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, but...still.”

“So eloquent.” By this point the others were looking between the two Blacks, intrigued, and slightly amused. “Just admit it, you’ve got some Slytherin in you,” Regulus insisted.

Sirius frowned at the accusation, but then his face lit up as if something had just occurred to him. “You’re one to talk, Lionheart.”

Regulus scoffed. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Sirius grinned. “We’ll see about that,” he said, trying to sound mysterious. Regulus rolled his eyes. Sirius was such an idiot sometimes.

“Alright, shall we have a toast?” James asked, passing around glasses of firewhiskey.

Remus raised his glass. “To the kindest, yet stupidest thing James and Sirius have ever done. May they continue to get away with it.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Sirius exclaimed, clinking his glass with James’.

Regulus was feeling a bit of an outsider, to be truthful. As if she were a mind reader, Lily gave him a sympathetic look, nodding at the three boys, and rolling her eyes. Regulus smirked. A year ago, he never would have imagined himself celebrating with four Gryffindors. No, this certainly hadn’t been in the cards when he first chose to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, our boy has friends now! ~~except he's awkward and thinks everyone hates him and he's gonna deny their friendship, but it's fine, he'll get there~~


End file.
